Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 19, 2024, 01:57:00 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Can I confront my bpd husband about his condition ?  (Read 175 times)
Lostforwords28
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1


« on: February 05, 2023, 01:28:37 PM »


Married for 3 years, I finally came to realise that my husband suffers from Petulant BPD,   the first 2 years of us being together where great, he was so good to me, however,  whenever we had an argument or said something he doesn’t like, he needs to revenge in order to move on, so it becomes like a norm, and most of the time I let go, I don’t hold grudges and never would. A year ago over Christmas we had an argument, and ended up spending Christmas separate, since than it has been a constant punishment, he keeps claiming that I have abandoned him, so now it’s a non ending abuse, his love for me turn to hate, all he wants is to control me, he hates that I have friends, he made it clear that he likes me looking miserable in a corner, put a tracker in my car, he became paranoid, , he cut me off financially in order to control what I do and where I go, he even took my car one day, every morning I wake up I have this knot in my stomach waiting to hear his voice to see what mood he is in, he became sexually disrespectful and entitled, he even tells my jokes and stories, so much that I can write all night, I am tired, I am exhausted of walking on egg shell, and even when I tried to tell him how violated and bullied I feel he gets worse and expect an apology or withdrawal of the things I said. I am now even scared of telling him I want out,I reached a point of taking my own life after an episode where he kept pushing and pushing, I am stuck, I invested everything I have in this marriage, I have 2 kids that I am raising, and I know for sure he will stop at nothing to revenge from me for once again abandoning him. So I tell him that I am aware of his BPD? Do I try to convince to get help so he is in a better place ?  I don’t hate him, I hate myself for being in this position, any advise will be great
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

kells76
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 3203



« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2023, 09:52:20 AM »

Hello Lostforwords28, glad you found us and reached out  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Your situation of "two years amazing, then sudden pivot to horrible" sounds so familiar. The good times can be really good, then the bad times... like you're describing, the bad times can be devastating and punishing.

Couple of thoughts I'm having as I read your post:

-You mention feeling stuck after having invested everything in your marriage. That's relatable here -- a lot of members have been in similar situations. Can I ask, are you wanting to try to reconcile or save the relationship, or are you ready to be done and detach? Or somewhere in the middle? When we learn more about your goals, we can move your post to the board with the best fit (for example, we have boards on "Bettering a relationship", "Conflicted about continuing", and "Detaching from a relationship") where you'll get targeted advice.

-I'm also seeing you wonder if it'd be helpful to try to convince him that he has BPD. That's a tricky area. I'm with you that the world would be a better place, and people would be in less pain, if pwBPD would seek out and stick with treatment. Anyone would want people with MH challenges to heal. The difficult issue with BPD and BPD-type behaviors/traits (whether diagnosed or not) is that BPD is a shame-based disorder. Telling someone they have a stigmatizing MH issue can create defensiveness and resistance, a sort of doubling-down on "I'm not the problem, you are", instead of an openness to hearing more.

In fact, we have a great thread on that very topic here:

Telling Someone You Think They Have BPD

Check it out and let us know if any of it resonates with you.

Looking forward to hearing more from you, and again, welcome;

kells76
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!