Get Me Out of Here - Rachel Reiland

[BPDFamily]

Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Author: Rachel Reiland Publisher: Hazelden (September 1, 2004) Paperback: 350 pages ISBN-10: 1592850995 ISBN-13: 978-1592850990

Book Description
Touted as the only book of its kind, this is a firsthand account of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). An accountant and mother of three, Reiland (a pseudonym) tells the poignant story of her life, which included all-too-familiar episodes of anorexia, promiscuity, impulsiveness, suicide attempts, institutionalization in a mental hospital, and often unrelenting, anger-intensive, violent, and unpredictable behavior. This is not intended as a text for treatment but a story of how one person lived with and overcame an affliction that many professionals view as untreatable. What results is a gripping, fast-paced narrative that's often hard to put down and will no doubt inspire sufferers and caretakers to march on. It is a story based on stark reality and hope, much like Steve Hamilton's I Want My Life Back.

About the Author
Borderline Personality Disorder. "What the hell was that?" raged Rachel Reiland when she read the diagnosis written in her medical chart. As the 29-year old accountant, wife, and mother of young children would soon discover, it was the diagnosis that finally explained her explosive anger, manipulative behaviors, and self-destructive episodes- including bouts of anorexia, substance abuse, and sexual promiscuity. With astonishing honesty, Reiland's memoir reveals what mental illness feels like and looks like from the inside, and how healing from such a devastating disease is possible through intensive therapy and the support of loved ones.

[turquoise]

I have just finished reading "Get Me Out of Here" and it is a fair book, however somewhat too long and the reader might eventually get bored.

That being said, for a non-BP it is quite instructive, but for me, not the most uplifting read.

The author suffered a very serious case of BPD and had to be hospitalized numerous times in a psychiatric ward before starting therapy.

Then she entered therapy and this lasted for many years, at a pace of three times a year for the first two years. Obviously, this took a lot of courage and commitment (including a very strenuous financial commitment) from herself, her husband and her psychiatrist.

From herself, because she had to dig really deep inside, break all the walls, get her inner child to verbalize all her upbringing shortcomings and neglects and then, she had to relived in therapy all the normal step of a child development : id, ego, superego, self, etc... .to finally become an adult.

From her husband, who basically could be sanctified for his patience, understanding and generosity.

From the psychiatrist, who never abandonned his patient despite infinite rages, tantrums and agressivity from her part.

At the end of the day, (approximately 4 years) the patient could behave like a normal adult.

On the bright side, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but one has to wonder how often in this situation the three major players could so dedicated and commited. I am afraid that this is exceptionnal.

T

[bewildered2]

The third book about BPD that I read, and very useful to understand how the BPD mind works.

Reiland's account reminded me in many parts of my ex-bpgf.

Before reading this book I wondered and wondered how a BPD sees things, and after reading it i had a clear insight.

It also demonstrates that recovery is possible, but that ut comes at a heavy price, and only if the BPD is determined to get better. It also shows that the road for the Nons is long and very hard too.

Excellent book.

B2

[snowwhite]

I really got alot out of this book; I even reread it twice more.  It acted as my therapist -- when I wanted to understand what had happened to me, I could reread the part of the book that dealt with that issue until I finally understood and could feel peace and forgiveness. 

[footquest]

The first 3 chapters were gripping because of the similaraties I experienced with my BPD girlfriend.  However as we get to see the author play out her pathology ad infinitum in the therapists office I think I got a real admiration for the therapist.  Actually I think this book was more about him than anything else.  I applaud the effort of the author and agree by the end of the 4 years she was able to contain outbursts and appreciate her ridiculous conclusions in life situations were unjustified.  HOWEVER I see that this woman NEVER takes responsibility.  Even at the end, aside from a few obligatory observations that the husband stood by her and the therapist withstood her abuse. 

Where was the remorse?   where was the REAL appreciation for what her husband endured for her sake.  My take was that this out of control but exciting monster became a relatively controlled person without much of a personality.  It seemed to me she had become similar to the character in the clockwork orange which she feard she would become. 

I think the therapy did rid her of  the personality disorder and left her with a clean slate which I suppose she could develop a normal life with.  Again I am concerned for the people attached to her.  How did they feel.  We don't get much of their perspective.

By now you must realize this is about me.  My girlfriend has worked on recovery for the past 2 years very hard (although mostly self help).  She has gotten a lot better as far as less tantrums and will acknowledge her immature emotions if I play therapist for an hour.  I feel empty.  Used up.  The excitement that used to be there is going away.  It wasn't a healthy behavior to begin with.  So she is becoming like many regular people,  which is fine.  But I don't think I will ever be made whole again.  Certainly not by her.  And as she loses her fantasy world she NOW has to learn how to relate in the real world which doesnt come natural.  How many more years of standing by until she can actually be a full person?

sorry for my own outburst here

alan

[Randi Kreger]

Hi:I published this book first, under Eggshells Press. It was called, "I'm Not Supposed to Be Here." Then Hazelden Publishing picked up the right and publish it as "Get Me Out of Here."Since I published it first, I know Rachel pretty well. Perhaps it doesn't come across in her book, but believe me, she took total accountability for everything she did. But her worries are 99% about her kids, not her husband. She has three kids, the two in the book, plus one other she had after the book was finished. She is still doing very well.

[hurts2much]

Hello, currently on chapt.5 "Get me out of here" so far very interesting to read. Every night I look forward to reading a little at a time before bed, I'll keep you posted. Randi, thank you for "Eggshells" and for all the hard work that was put into it, it has been a book of light to many of us here, mine is completely highlited. And thanks for the post and feedback on Rachel, her accountability and how she is now.

[Lil_Arch]

I deffinatly never got board of this book. I could never put it down, I always would be thinking about when I could pick it back up again. I put my life on hold pretty much reading it ( I don't read useually at all this is weird for me ) I got alot of insight about BPD out of this book. I really felt like I knew Racheal, and that I was there with her threw her toublesome therapy sessions and he heartach, it was so friggin intense but so hopeful at the end. i would really like to know how she is doing now thou and how the kids are doing. I lent this book to my BPs mother she is reading it now and likes it, thou it makes her want to cry she said she is finally getting an insight on what is going on with her son. I can't wait to get it back to read it again. Great book.

[mmt]

reading it right now and i love it.

[Bish]

I read this book in less than a day... .even my work suffered for it, I just couldn't put it down .

I found it to be awe inspiring and uplifting at times, heartbreaking and painful to read at others. I am so glad that Rachel had such an amazing support network around her including (not exclusively) her therapist, husband, preist and choir.

It has given me hope that when my partner does finally start CBT that there will be improvement, of course not everyone is as lucky to get a pyschiatrist such as Dr Padgett, although we can but hope 

I have told my uBPD SO about this book with great enthusiasm, sadly her intial reaction was to accuse me of fancying Rachel *sigh* but I have high hopes that if I leave it lying around she will eventually pick it up out of curiosity.

Just in case she should ever pass through these  boards, thanks for giving me a light that wasn't an oncoming train Rachel  xoxo

[mc_terminator]

i thought this book was really amazing. i kind of hoped it would be a little longer to i got through it fast and was certainly never bored by it. the parts with the therapist were the best part, he sounded like such a great guy and you can really see what a great length she went to to unravel her brain through her visits to him. which on a sadder note just makes me think that the extra special effort that she made to look inwards at herself just isnt going to happen for alot of outward acting BPDs. it would be great for BPDs to read this book anyway i think they would be touched by it. like some other posters the only criticism i had with it was that there did not seem to be alot of mention of her husbands feelings or the abused he endured. i either think that she left it out to focus on the therapist, she wasnt that abusive to him(she did say she shouted at the therapist worse than anyone) and she never tried to leave him... .or maybe she really never acknowledged it, which would be sad because she felt terrible about how she treated the therapist... i dont know the answer but it definately bothers me a little.

[Auspicious]

I loved this book. It was fascinating to read the account from the perspective of the borderline, and of course when it came to the actual events and twisted reasoning and so forth I was practically jumping up and down shouting "yeah; that's what it's like!"

I naturally felt for the husband, of course ... .though it was mitigated somewhat by the thought of "at least she's getting help; that's what we nons need more than sympathy". Still, I pictured him having to read that scene where she's trying to seduce another man (I won't say who - it would be a spoiler) and I had to shudder for the guy.

[bone_weary]

Read it, it is quite brutal, which gives it a very strong resonance of truth, though I don't doubt for a second that "Tim's" suffering and pain and sheer endurance were somewhat glossed over.

I can't help but apply it to my own situation, which was kind of the point.  Practically every page and every outburst I was mentally considering how I had witnessed my wife's reactions to similar situations; "Rachel" was vastly better equipped to cope throughout.  Especially her descriptions of the therapy sessions, which could have been paraphrased transcripts on how I spent every night for the better part of a year and a half.

[Desert]

I found this book absolutely extraordinary for two reasons.

First, the author's descriptions of her thought processes as she raged were very helpful in understanding how the mind of a person with BPD works.

Second, the author appears to have made as complete a recovery as is possible from BPD, as opposed to merely learning to manage symptoms well enough so that one no longer meets diagnostic criteria (someone who only meets 4, rather than 5 out of the nine items listed in 301.83).

Therefore, at least to me, she illustrates the combination of factors which are either necessary, or at least conducive, to recovery.  These are:

1.  An extremely supportive family environment (in her case, a saintlike husband and very mature and centered children), which no doubt gave her the motivation to persevere;

2.The patience and means to pursue treatment (in this case, it took about three years of intensive therapy at a cost in the mid five figures, and that was close to 20 years ago);

3. Possession of high intelligence and the capacity for a stable career (the author was high school valedictorian and possessed a college degree and experience in accounting); and

4. An extraordinarily patient, caring and gifted therapist.

[Hannahbanana]

I finished this book a few weeks ago, i found it quite a good insight into what goes on in the head of a BPD sufferer.  It also made me realise that when i read repeatedly on here that "they never love you, they don't know how" that it's not the case for all.  The author of this book loved her husband, loved her son and daughter and loved her somewhat unlovable family, she actually said she loved her therapist!  Overall, a good read.

[bongo]

I see on one share that Rachael book wrote about her life 20 years ago? So, she is 20 years recovered?  I wish she would write a second book detailing life since then... .did her insight continue to evolve?  Is she happy?  Did her kids turn out without mental illness?  I wonder if Randi could update us a little-... .if the author wouldn't mind.

[marlo6277]

This was the very first book I read on BPD. It was recommeded to me by some friends of mine (couple who are both psychiatrists). They recommended it when they heard about my DHs ex.

I was in shock and awe. Everything my DH was telling me about his ex was written there in black and white. 

I loved this book. When I read this book, I was pretty much hooked on learning everything I could about BPD.  My DH still has not read the book to this day. I read to him out loud the first chapter. His emotions ran far too deep for him to ever want to read the book.  He said it was reliving the nightmare of his marriage all over again.

That was about 4 yrs ago... .He has since brought it up (most recently about 2 months ago) and he has decided that he might want to try reading the book. 

It truly is the most amazing read IMO.  Rachel's strength, fear, courage, defeat, every emotion is greatly portrayed and written in such a way that you can understand completely how she feels and what she senses.

It took much courage for her understandably. I applaud her efforts to continue on and the efforts of her therapist and her husband. 

Perhaps reading it as the first book also tainted my thought process... .it proved to me that BPD sufferers DO have the ability to recover... .if they really truly want to and if the stakes are high enough.  That has likely been the basis for my overall outlook with DHs BPDx... .if she truly wants to get better in order to be a better mother to her children, it really truly is possible.

This book may have made me hold BM to a higher standard of accountability. It also made me hold the BPD sufferers in other books I've read to higher standard of accountability as well... .

So even though this was probably one of hte best books I have ever read on BPD, it certainly raised my expectations of the BPD in my life... .perhaps that is not so good.

But I truly loved this book. Well done Rachel. And congrats on your recovery.

[eng123]

Just finished reading Get Me out of her by Rachel Reiland.  I really liked it and learned alot.

It primarily focuses on the interactions between her and the therapist.

It was interesting to learn some of the thoughts going on behind the words coming out of her mouth.

Some of the conversations seem eerily familiar.

I also was suprised to learn how much work R. Reiland put in to get better.  The 3 sessions a week at $360/week (in the early 90's how much now) would kill anyone's budget - but it would be worth it.

It covers so many topics - BPD is so complex - but it is all in one place.

It does not cover her husband's role or feelings or support in help - no new ideas.

I was always kind of nervous about reading it - I don't know why - maybe I thought it would confirm the idea that BPDs don't have feelings or love (quite the opposite). 

After reading it I feel like I have some sympathy and empathy back.  Sometimes frustration just takes you so far past sympathy and empathy and feeling sorry for them... .its good .

I also liked the fact it was written by someone who is not trying to sell her lineup of books or counseling sessions.

[JTCarroll]

I teach at a residential treatment center, and have four students diagnosed with BPD.  I am also married to someone who has been diagnosed with BPD in the past - I word it that way because now, 15 years post-diagnosis, she no longer meets many of the criteria set forth in the DSM.  This book was recommended to some of my students by their therapists, and I happened to pick it up after it was left in my classroom.  From a functional perspective, I thought the book was very well written, and the story was very compelling.  I have only read one other book on BPD, which approached things from a much more clinical perspective, and was a very dense read.  This reads much more like a story, without seeming to gloss over anything that the author went through in her own path through therapy.  To the author, or, more likely, to Ms. Kreger, who has read this forum at least once, let me say thank you for ensuring that this story was told.  I recommend this book very highly as a way to understand some of the conflicts with which someone with BPD deals regularly, and, for those close to sufferers, as a model to emulate: the unconditional love and support of 'Tim' serves as a reminder of what I need to be as a spouse and teacher.  Hopefully this book can also help someone deep in the throes of this disorder, and can help show that it is something that can be overcome.

[cmk]

Very good book.

My only criticism is that she addresses how she behaved towards her children, but not so much how she felt about her husband. She comments how supportive and loving he was, but really doesn't touch too much on their he feelings about marriage. Also kind of glosses over her sexual dynamics.

[KHat]

I read this book this past summer and greatly enjoyed it.  For me it was important since I have no firsthand experience with the pwBPD in my life (my BF's xW) and it was a way for me to get "up close and personal" with the BPD thought processes without having to experience it myself.  That said, I realize that every person is different, as is every BPD manifestation.  But some of it spoke to that part of my brain that thought maybe he was exaggerating some of his stories, since Rachel was very diligent in describing what was churning behind her emotional, seemingly knee-jerk reactions.

It also provided me with a sense of hope, in that someone with enough determination to get well for the sake of others could learn methods to combat BPD behavior, to the point that she is more or less "cured".  I thought her therapist was an amazing person and practitioner, and wish that others who accepted BPD patients could model his behaviors rather than sometimes see dollar signs in the advantage to keeping someone sick and dependent.

[ladywrench]

Early on in the book there was something mentioned about Rachel having scar tissue discovered in her brain. Did she ever figure out what the story behind it was specifically? I know she had come to terms with being abused as a kid but was there anything specific that she discovered later in life? Im just curious.

[Bluepanda]

I just recently ordered this book from amazon and it's being delivered to my exBPD house, What are the chances she will read it, any ideas?

She's an avid reader and has tonnes of books

[Auspicious]

I just recently ordered this book from amazon and it's being delivered to my exBPD house, What are the chances she will read it, any ideas?

She's an avid reader and has tonnes of books

Um. What's the chance you would read (in any positive way) an unsolicited book sent to your house which implied that you are mentally ill?

I ask because that's what this is going to feel like for her.

[Bluepanda]

Um. What's the chance you would read (in any positive way) an unsolicited book sent to your house which implied that you are mentally ill?

I ask because that's what this is going to feel like for her.

Ive told her ive sent it and she's aware she has problems as she's currently on anti-depressants, She just doesn't know what her problem is. I'm hoping she will read it and understand

[Auspicious]

Ive told her ive sent it and she's aware she has problems

Well that's a horse of a different color then!

[armywifeiam]

Ummm... didn't anyone find it disgusting with how she "loved" her therapist so much?  It's odd... .and weird... .

I may be angry and most of the time I take it out on my husband, but never in my life have I raged at a stranger the way she did.  I almost think the raging against her therapist was written just to make the book exciting.

I related a lot to the beginning of the book but the half way mark and her getting better I don't.

I can't imagine someone going into a therapists office or any dr. office for that matter exploding on them.  I would think it would be embarrassing and well, rude.  I don't think it's believeable.

[marlo6277]

From the amount of time that she spent with her therapist - seeing him several times a week for years, I could understand how she developed emotions for him. After all - she's telling him more about herself than anyone close to her probably knew. And she got so angry with him probably because he knew so much about her and that's scary for a lot of people - PD or not. I think it REALLY puts a person in a vulnerable position and there is always that possibilty that something might go wrong with that information.

She probably felt closer to him than her own family at times and so she probably felt more betrayed by him at times because of this.

But that's just my take on it.

[Auspicious]

Transference - reacting to the therapist as if he/she were a loved one - is common, and sometimes even used as a tool in therapy.

[snowwhite]

Guess this post is for Randi Kreger.  If you have been in touch with the author recently, would she be willing to give us an update on how her life is now, many years after the facts related in the book.  How has this affected her children?  What did she share with them and how did they respond?  Have they shown any symptoms over the years, perhaps from copying her prior responses?  Did she ever feel the need to go back to people in the past who might have experienced her rages or other bad behavior and explain and apologize?  If so, what were the responses? How has her marriage grown now she is "cured" (if we can use the term)?

I realize this might be asking alot of someone who has already experienced terrible trauma, but I think it would give many people great hope if they thought there was a future worth having if they could stick out the years of therapy required for the pwBPD in their lives to get well.

Anyway, if you think it appropriate, would you ask her?

[momma]

This was the first book I read about BPD after we found out that was what our daughter had. I found it informative and helpful in some ways and it gave me hope that there was help out there and that she could recover. Some of the behaviours were similar to my daughter's but I did not find I related in the same way to this story as I did to the Buddha and the Borderline. I found this book seemed to written in a more detached manner or was written well into recovery. For this reason I think the emotions were less raw and it seemed more clinical than memoir. Still I would say it is worth reading for anyone that wants to better understand the borderline in their life.

C

[ESTERMLW]

How manful this book 

Publishing the journey that bring recovery is not the easy thing. Because there is pain, asshamedness, and fear that have to face before. But Rachel's desicion to write and publish this book already exceede it. So, I give my standing applause to Rachel Reiland and so thanksfull because her openness help me and some theology student in my college to learn how to understand PWBPD's spirituality. In Indonesian, my country, BPS not yet to be known, although our context (that have many violent, suicidal, sex addiction, neglect, and other symtom-causes cases) is very potential to spread BPD. As a personality disorder that difficult to detected and treated, BPD's spirituality is very rare to be learned. But this book is able to translate 'the language of interaction between God and PWBPD' into the world language of normal people.

[musicfan42]

Yes I agree with you momma-I preferred the rawness of "The Buddha and the Borderline". I think I also felt more sympathy for Keira Van Gelder because she had been sexually abused as a child whereas Rachel Reiland just seemed to be a spoilt brat from what I could tell. I felt like ok, her parents weren't great to her but she still got the opportunity to pursue a good education (accounting), have a long-suffering husband (I felt sorry for him not her!) and lovely children. I just felt like she was complaining about absolutely nothing. And Dr Padgett was so overindulgent with her-it was incredibly frustrating to read because I just thought that she needed a good telling off and sort herself out! Some tough love as opposed to this "oh poor baby, what happened in your childhood?" routine... . Lol!

I also agree with someone else who said it's no wonder that she became attracted to her therapist when she was seeing him so frequently-obviously it's great that the therapy worked... . I mean, it's good that she stuck with the therapy and persevered but then why wouldn't she... . everyone would love to have someone listen to their inane rambling 3x/week... .

I'm noticing that someone mentioned how they didn't think raging at the therapist was believable. I think that was very believable, especially for someone who has BPD! I'm glad that she included the rages in the book actually-that she didn't squirm from portraying herself in a negative light. (I found her very unlikable!) I had a therapist who told me that the relationship you have with a therapist is similar to the relationship that you have with people in your actual life... . But in fairness to the author, it's good to see a book from a high functioning borderline... . from someone who looks like they have have everything to the outside world but is actually struggling with relationships, eating disorders etc.

That's another thing-she didn't go into much detail with regards to the eating disorder from what I remember... . (it's been a while since I've read the book so maybe I'm forgetting some of it... . ).  I know that the book was focused on the BPD however I would have like to have heard more about the eating disorder issues too.

[Auspicious]

(I felt sorry for him not her!)

Me too

it was incredibly frustrating to read because I just thought that she needed a good telling off and sort herself out!

The problem is, that doesn't work. If it did, there would be no need for DBT, schema, etc.

Though I understand the sentiment

[musicfan42]

Lol Auspicious-you've got me laughing now!

I read how clinicians have different reactions to borderlines-how some of them feel sorry for them and how others feel angry with them. I used to be in the sympathetic camp but now I would be in the angry camp. I have my own anger issues that I work really hard on by the way-I'm calm most of the time now. But when I'm around a borderline, they just evoke that anger within me... . I definitely have a strong reaction to borderlines complaining about something... . complaining about anything... . It awakens all that repressed anger within me and I'm aware of that. I feel like if someone has a saintlike patience, then they may be able to deal with a borderline in a better way... . but I'm just not the person... . I just am not cut out for it by any means.

I think the type of treatment Rachel Reiland did, psychodynamic therapy, has probably the best chance of helping a borderline to have stable relationships because it focuses on their inner states of being, not just their behaviours. So whilst I found Rachel to be an annoying protagonist, I must admit that she did seem to be able to deal with her family in a much calmer way to before (the bit towards the end of the book just in case you're wondering which section I'm referring to!)-to be able to get some sort of perspective on it. Dr Padgett, Rachel Reiland's psychiatrist stuck me as an extraordinary person... . I really thought "wow, I want him to be my therapist... . like NOW". I've been to therapy before but I never felt like my therapist cared for me to the extent that Dr. Padgett cared for Rachel.

[Calm Waters]

I read this recently, I was very moved, it is one of the few books that views the condition personally from the inside. I am no where near as BPD as Rachel but I was in tears often reading this I think because my mother was so BPD it helped me understand why she neglected me

[Calm Waters]

i thought it was inspirational. i was in tears at regular intervals, I a have BPD/ NPD traits nothing like as bad as the author but I could relate to it none the less

[Arbre710]

I have often said that I would love to be inside my BPD daughter's brain for a day.  This book came very close, and for that reason I think that it is one of the best I have read about BPD.  I found myself in tears often while reading it.  I made notes at times when Rachel was experiencing something similar to what my daughter must have felt. 

[Randi Kreger]

I am involved with this book because back in the 199o's Rachel came to me with the book and I published it. Then I sold the rights to Hazelden. We have had two people express interest in film rights, but I don't think anything will ever get made because most of it is a woman talking to her therapist. No car crashes whatsoever.Rachel is doing very, very well.

[goldylamont]

Rachel is doing very, very well.

it's pretty amazing that you know the author so well. thanks for sharing. it sounds like Rachel has overcome a lot and doing much better.

however, the million dollar question i think many would like to know is -- how is her *husband* doing now. Is he doing very very well, as well?

i've seen multiple claims of pwBPD working and getting better. however i haven't heard anything from the people with close relationships with the pwBPD. maybe her husband's memoir could be the next great bestseller 

[Calm Waters]

'In Treatment' has been very popular however!

[rotiroti]

Just finished it - I have to say the middle and epilogue were very beautiful. As for the book overall? It's decent, but it's truly the only book out there that's written from the POV of a pwBPD. Really fascinating to hear about Reiland's journey and relationship with her therapist. Would highly recommend it for anyone trying to make sense of BPD behavior.