why do we stay?

[specialized]

So just curious... .why do we stay in these relationships.  With our SO 's

I know they are significant I know we love them I know some of us have children


why is your Rollercoaster is worth it?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cloudy Days]

I stay because he is the only man I have ever loved. I stay because he is trying to be a good man. I stay because I know every other human being that came into his life walked away from him. I stay because even though there are bad times there are also really wonderful times. I stay because he loves me (at least I think he does... .). I stay because I would miss him if he were not with me. I stay because I know he has a mental illness and a lot of the bad times are caused by it. I stay because he has gotten better over the years instead of worse. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he helps my mom out with anything she needs, he loves our dogs like children, he is protective of his family, he usually has good intentions for everything he does. He's giving, he's got a huge soft spot for furry friends, we have the same sense of humor, we have very similar musical tastes and I absolutely love his family.

Thank you for asking, I would have to say a year ago, I would probably have different answers to this question and it would have been much shorter. There are a lot of struggles not mentioned in the why I stay. It's good to remember the good things about them sometimes. 

[vortex of confusion]

Like Cloudy days, I would have given a different answer a year ago. A year ago, it would have been "I have no clue."

Today, I stay because I love my husband. We have four kids together. He is funny and goofy and smart. Even though I have to tell him what to do most of the time, he is great about doing stuff like going to the store so I don't have to go with all of the kids. When we do go out with all of the kids, we have a system where he will pay and I will take the kids to the car so that we don't have to stand in line with 4 kids.

He takes the cars in for routine maintenance when needed. He is so cute when he gets out the puppets or tells stories or dresses up as Santa. At heart, he is a good man. He doesn't do things that are malicious or purposely mean. I have known my share of mean and evil people. He is not one of them. Never has been and I doubt that he ever will be. He is harder on himself and meaner to himself than he is to anybody else. He has always put me on a pedestal much to my chagrin. It is hard to live up to the ideal that he has set for me.

Living with him is like living with a petulant teenager. It can be confusing and does sometimes feel like a roller coaster ride. I feel the good outweighs the bad for the most part. It has taken a while for me to get back to seeing how awesome he can be. Part of it is me changing and the other part of it is him responding to my changes and working really hard. One of the great things about my husband is that when I figure out what I want him to do, he is like an eager little kid trying to make me happy. He might huff and puff and stomp around but he does it and then asks what he can do next.

[rotiroti]

Great thread here guys!

Cloudy Days and VoC, thanks for putting a smile on my face! I had ended the r/s without knowing anything about BPD some time ago. Looking back I do realize that my partner was a good person at heart:

He doesn't do things that are malicious or purposely mean.

that really resonates with me and I know I would have stayed had I found this place sooner (or stayed longer). Cheering you guys on and wishing you the best on this journey!