Notwendy - I wonder if this is why my bf will promise me sex the next day if he doesn't want it right then? Like assuring me it's not "never" because that's how he would think if the roles were reversed?
Do they assume we also have black and white thinking? If he doesn't want it, I'm thinking ok, no big deal. I don't take it personally if he's sick, tired, distracted, not in the mood, or whatever. But I guess they do?
This is an enigma to me as well Jessica. The plans to have sex and then to keep postponing it for one more night, or maybe also the next night etc... No apparent reasons for health.
She's set the mandate of having sex once a week like it's a rule. So we have sex and a week goes by, she knows but then she will night after night ask to postpone so the better part of three weeks will pass. It's no biggy to me but it seems to be to here.
Enigma being when she talks about it and figures out when we had sex last she'll say "Oh we just had sex last week"
They all have their little oddities and so do we. I think I finally cracked it though. She said for her to have sex and be able to focus on it (resulting in her pleasure) she has to have a clear mind going into it. So that would tell me that the other nights she's asking to pass on she must be in a turmoil in her mind that's consuming it.
Funny I like sex with music but you don't go for that stereo button for fear of losing your fingers if we're going to have sex - too distracting.
The good thing is that knowing all that and figuring it out is really good because hey, it's important that she gets what she appreciates out of sex and she makes sure she does. All good. I've read way too many guys here say their wife's say they are selfish about sex, reason being they don't know how to actually please their wives that way and think that just having sex the same old way must be good for her because she never complained. The entire time their wives were actually getting more and more angry about their husbands not meeting their needs and only meeting their own. It escalates into a real problem with the wife blows with the selfish thing because it catches the guys off guard and being called self-fulfilling and selfish really hits hard. All women should make a point of teaching men what's good for them because every one is different in their needs.
The reason I'm so familiar is I got hit with the same thing. When she explained to me and showed me what she needed done and how to do it - it was great. Point being for 9 years of sex she never said anything. Ask her how it was and she'd say great. It's a pretty extraneous routine to follow for my wife's pleasure and very specific and the time it takes varies by how much her pills have desensitized her. Question being: I asked her how the heck she would have thought I'd know that if she'd never told me. Her answer: All guys should know that!
It's a really, really tangled web of a world we all live in but the good thing is by talking about some of these self experiences maybe it will help some other guy venture into the questions so he doesn't end up being 'selfish' as well.
"Do they think we think in black and white". That's loaded and a darn good question. I've never considered how they think we think compared to them. Oh NO, another mission...