Many people say they try because of children. My parents tried too, and it took me 40 years to get over that trying. I was aftraid of dark until I was over 30 years old. So much that I couldn't sleep alone.
My father was very, very ill person. He was a psychopath, but that time term was unknown. Let me give you example: when he get final diagnose after years in mental institutes (he loved them, so much attention!), he told my mother he now can kill her and no one can do anything about it, because he is officially mentally ill. I witnessed the beatings 'till my mother divorced when I was 12, and once after that (and that was very bad time). I got beaten too. My sister did not, and she still thinks our childhood was not so bad. I don't have a single person who would validate me and my experience, so it took a long time for me to validate my own childhood to myself!
I got deeply damaged. Keeping up appearance is very important to my mother, so me being damaged was my own fault. I never got help. I just now realised I have been depressed all my life, and still tried to manage in this world like others. I just blaimed myself that it is my own fault that it is so hard for me, others seem to blaze through this life with such ease and I'm struggling every day, I'm jus a bad person, I must try harder.
I wrote this to people who try to stay because of children. I have red stories about how disordered person treats children terribly and still the sane person does not take children and leave for good. If you say you stay for children think again, because your children will not thank you. I have nothing to do with my mother anymore. She never gave me any care, instead she turned all her shame to me and made me carry it. If I wouldn't have cut all ties to her, I would have never get healthy. My mother always thinks that children don't remember. I remember my first beating from age 4. I had to sit down with it, be again the 4 year old, take the beating again in my mind, feel all the things I was not allowed to feel that time because there was not single person for me, and let go and forgive. Don't deceive yourselves by thinking that children will forget.
And your children understand and see more you know. And children tend to blame themselves for what ever happenes. It is crazy, but that is actually thruth that any professional can tell you. They grow up being adults with shame, guilt, anxiety and depression. They get disordered themselves or they find disordered partners because they coped by getting codependent.
My father made suicide at age 42.
You will be OK Sango
