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10 Books Endorsed and Reviewed by BPDFamily

Note: BPDFamily does not sell books and is not otherwise compensated for its recommendations.
Poll
Question: As one who read the book, how do you rate this book?
Excellent - 16 (80%)
Good - 4 (20%)
Fair - 0 (0%)
Poor - 0 (0%)
Total Voters: 20

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Author Topic: The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker  (Read 2543 times)
LOAnnie
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« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2010, 03:14:46 PM »

Me too, would like to re-read it.  I remember several points it made being eye-openers for me; I must have read it when it first came out, quite a while ago now.  I remember that part about learning to trust my instincts; if someone made me feel uncomfortable, there was an actual reason for that, that I wasn't crazy.  Very good point about the "loan sharking" tendencies of a lot of bpds, too.  Mine does that, or used to.  Still tries!
-LOAnnie 
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Metta
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« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2010, 08:44:17 AM »

Very helpful book.

I think I'd like it more if he talked a bit less about celebrity stalking, though.

All in all, I highly recommend it.
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At_Bay
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Calm:condition free from storms (Merriam-Webster)


« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2010, 11:03:27 AM »

I want to read this book because the topic struck home about having a gut feeling that can save us and we may not know what we're feeling. Young women should definitely read it. I felt uneasy with a new boyfriend once although we had worked together, but he went to Korea in the Army for 2 yrs and wrote to me occasionally. Back home, he asked me to dinner. Everything was congenial, but he did the strangest thing when he was leaving by kissing me when I didn't expect it. In a week or so, he called and said he was outside the evening class I normally attended at a college. How did he know which classroom? I was sick and had skipped class, but he said he wanted to come by my apartment then. My head turned to the exact spot in my living room where he'd grabbed me that first date! Fear or something made me avoid him and the next time I told him I was seeing someone. I think this book would help me understand what happened and I sure want to read about the loan shark I think I'm married to.
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Self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.--Ronald Reagan
havana
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« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2010, 11:08:10 AM »

Quote
discriminate between real and manufactured fear.

I haven't read the book but I'm a big believer in that there is a lot more fear out there than there is things to be afraid of.
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Life is short. Shorter for some than others.
At_Bay
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Calm:condition free from storms (Merriam-Webster)


« Reply #14 on: April 27, 2010, 03:05:30 PM »

Maybe our subconscious tries to help us distinguish between anxiety disorders and things that don't make sense.
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Self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.--Ronald Reagan
LOAnnie
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« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2010, 08:41:31 AM »

I think there's a happy medium between the extremes of abject naivety/childlike trust at one end and paranoia at the other. 

There is healthy, self-protective rationality and skepticism.  Its the ability to objectively evaluate a person or situation without sliding into cynicism/prejudice/blanket suspicion or puppy-like adulation automatically.   

Its being open-minded about a person or situation but having the ability to look past the surface appearance and see the person or situation objectively, using facts and feelings and asking questions instead of just accepting or rejecting something or someone at face value. 

I do believe in gut feelings, myself, and I think a person's gut feelings (or intuition, or whatever you want to call it) is a valid tool to use along with the intellect to evaluate a person or a situation. 

I think "The Gift Of Fear" helps a person understand how to utilize that tool quite effectively, in a rational way.

-LOAnnie

Quote
discriminate between real and manufactured fear.

I haven't read the book but I'm a big believer in that there is a lot more fear out there than there is things to be afraid of.
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justhere
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« Reply #16 on: May 13, 2010, 01:51:48 PM »


I bought the book last week but I didn't get through the first page. I just can't deal with any of this kind of stuff lately and I really censor my tv shows too. I used to watch CSI and and cold case etc but now I feel like I'm just overloaded with murder, abuse or crime altogether. That's not entertaining to me at all and just makes me feel worse and triggers all kind of old memories. Even some posts on this board are very hard for me to read and I think I have to take my time with this.  I don't want to feel scared anymore.  Hopefully I'll be able to read it one day because I'm sure it has some good advice.

justhere

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One cannot be content to creep,
when one feels the impulse to SOAR.
Helen Keller
blackandwhite
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Back to my old colorful self


« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2010, 08:59:04 AM »

Even some posts on this board are very hard for me to read and I think I have to take my time with this.  I don't want to feel scared anymore.  Hopefully I'll be able to read it one day because I'm sure it has some good advice.

justhere



Listening to yourself, taking care of yourself, are actually the key messages of the book, and you're doing that! It's really smart. I also went through a time of limiting my exposure to things that would trigger strong responses. I think it helps with healing. Just wanted to let you know that your approach makes a lot of sense to me, from personal experience.  xoxox

B&W
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What they call you is one thing.
What you answer to is something else.
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justhere
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« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2010, 01:13:18 PM »


 I was pleased to even get the book as there has been little choice in my local book store so I ordered it but was surprised by my strong reaction and that I couldn't continue reading. Thank you blackandwhite your post helped me to feel better about this because I wasn't expecting a 'trigger' from a book that was supposed to help with my healing.  I've just put it aside for now and will try again in a couple of months or so. 

justhere

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One cannot be content to creep,
when one feels the impulse to SOAR.
Helen Keller
LOAnnie
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« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2010, 05:47:50 PM »

I know what you mean; I could not get through "Understanding the Borderline Mother" at one go.  I found parts of it very triggering and upsetting.  But I think in my case the upset was due to finally allowing myself to see and accept the truth: that my life-trajectory had been badly skewed way off of "normal" by the abuse I'd had to endure as a young person (not my fault) and the unproductive, maladaptive way I chose to handle the damage done to me, (definitely my fault).  Reading that book, I began to experience the long-repressed anger and grief I'd been storing and denying, and it scared the crap out of me.

So, yes, sometimes the healing process hurts.  But the good news is that you have the option to delay parts of it, stop altogether, and/or go through it at your own pace; you have the control, now.

-LOAnnie
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