His reaction to my attempt at boundaries

[Think About It...]

I reminded him that I was upset with him because of my dog and his behavior his morning, he replied you were being negative all morning and 'you don't like it when I call you on it, that is why you were emotional'

Maybe he has a point? You were upset about the lack of empathy for your dog. I can understand that, I am a dog lover...he on the other hand is not so.

Being rude to you, is an easy call and unnecessary.

Stand back from the one off bits and look at the bigger picture here. Too many of the one offs , lies, nastiness those sorts of things. How do you feel about yourself in this relationship? Can you see yourself 10 years from now with this person as he is now?

You've been together physically a short time, you lost your job and moved for him...doesn't seem like he is all that 'aware' of a lot of things.

Put these ick bits into the FILE...and check in a couple of weeks. Be brutally honest with yourself. It will hurt if it's a NO GO...and it will hurt more if you stay and there was no improvement on his part.

Hold your poochling close...spoil his furry self a bit, they are wonderful anchors in emotional times. At least for me. I know I am a little weird about that...*oh well*

[DragoN]

I reminded him that I was upset with him because of my dog and his behavior his morning, he replied you were being negative all morning and 'you don't like it when I call you on it, that is why you were emotional'

Maybe he has a point? You were upset about the lack of empathy for your dog. I can understand that, I am a dog lover...he on the other hand is not so.

Being rude to you, is an easy call and unnecessary.

Stand back from the one off bits and look at the bigger picture here. Too many of the one offs , lies, nastiness those sorts of things. How do you feel about yourself in this relationship? Can you see yourself 10 years from now with this person as he is now?

You've been together physically a short time, you lost your job and moved for him...doesn't seem like he is all that 'aware' of a lot of things.

Put these ick bits into the FILE...and check in a couple of weeks. Be brutally honest with yourself. It will hurt if it's a NO GO...and it will hurt more if you stay and there was no improvement on his part.

Hold your poochling close...spoil his furry self a bit, they are wonderful anchors in emotional times. At least for me. I know I am a little weird about that...*oh well*

[united for now]

Anytime you are discussing YOUR emotions, he will feel like he is being attacked and criticized. They don't respond well to it and rarely "learn" anything from our "lectures". Words aren't what he understands - actions are. Your taking a time out for an hour was great. If you were still feeling dysregulated yourself, you should have made it for however long you needed to regain your sense of balance.

Now what? He read your emotions, he knew you were upset, yet he didn't care (or rationalized it) since in his mind he didn't do anything wrong. More explaining from you or more defending won't change his mind.
So you have a couple of choices here...

Radical Acceptance and a Borderline Spouse.



When faced with a painful situation, you really have only 4 options:

* Solve the problem.

* Change how you feel about the problem.

* Accept it.

* Stay miserable; continue to be a victim.


Everyone feels pain. It is part of life to experience painful moments. We grow and learn from the pain we endure. Many times we fight against it and say to ourselves "this isn't fair".  Yeah, it may not be, but by fighting against it, you aren't working through it. The very fact that you are judging it as "not right" or "unfair" means that you aren't accepting it. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, it isn't your fault. Yeah, things can be better. Accepting the reality allows the pain to go away. Dwelling on the unfairness only keeps you stuck in your misery.

Pain + non acceptance = suffering.

What do you think?