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BOOK: Stop Caretaking the Borderline One of the main ways we keep ourselves involved in addictive, negative and hurtful relationships is to pretend that this negative present moment isn’t happening. In this book, Margalis Fjelstad, PhD., shows that the only way out of an addictive relationship is to change how we function, what we are willing to put up with, and to develop the courage to make changes.
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Author Topic: My story- how my life was almost ruined by my ex BPD  (Read 3626 times)
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Gender: Female
Posts: 227

« on: February 26, 2010, 11:22:57 AM »

I decided to post my story on this board for those of you undecided hoping it will help someone
who finds themselves in a similar position. This story will be long and full of pain and dissapointment
but if I get thru to even one person it may not have been in vein

  I met ex BF BPD 10 years ago. He was a surgeon operating on my dad who had a life threatening blood clot in his throat. From the beginning there were red flags which I ignored. For starters my dad was in pretty bad shape but Dr BPP came along appearing pleasant and very calm. In fact my sister warned me on meeting ex: "he is too calm, no one is that calm, he has to be on something"Red Flag
But did I listen no, I was separated from my ex husband and lonely and desperate for someone to share my life with so I fell in. I should also say that he was "married" Red Flag > but did I listen noo
I went head long into the most major love affair of my life. It took him over a year to get me into bed but as soon as he did, he jumped up to shower me off telling me that he had major intimacy problems Red Flag  I broke up with him and sent him packing. 2 months later he came crawling back- he had been fired from his hospital for stealing several hundred thousand dollars. He blamed everyone, his wife most of all and his bosses, and etc...Red Flag  well he was being fired and needed my help and ofcourse I fell right back into the whole mess. Shortly thereafter our affair blossomed again- he told me a) he had long term depression and b) he was antidepressants Red Flag  But did I listen noo. He told me his wife (a pdoc and drug addict herself) was dosing him to keep him docile and stupidly I believed him. Afterall he was the love of my life right. He also told me his dad had left him when he was just 7 and had multiple wives affairs, Red Flag  did I listen
noo. I kept going with him thinking I can fix him. He will leave his wife. get off all those horrible meds she gives him and we will live happily ever after Right- Noo
After 5 years he did leave and ofcourse stopped his medications
Thats when all hell broke loose. This once calm, sweet man became violent and agitated. Red Flag  So what did I do- send him to a psychopharm who I knew but ofcourse I could not go along because it was "private" Red Flag  Before I knew it he was taking Wellbutrin and spiraling into total mania
Red Flag . Well I stuck by him and went from one shrink to another to another. During this period he was dxd as both BPD as well as Bipolar. By 08 he was cheating and by 09 he wanted to go fly jets. Nothing stopped but his smoking and drinking escalated to the point where I was driving him to the hospital to operate because he was too drunk to drive Red Flag
Finally I go disgusted and called the Med Society to do an intervention. That was last August and he has not spoken to me since. I now find out- he called his ex wife- from rehab to come and get him out and ofcourse blamed everything on me! His old need to triangulate was now focused on me with me being "the enemy". Thats the story and I havent heard from him since he got out of rehab. He is back our operating, drinking, smoking, abusing meds as if nothing ever happened.
Turns out his cousin -who attempted homicide on her lover and lost her medical license for it- wrote a book this summer. Well I got it- as did he and guess what the whole &%)) family was BPD, big surprise.
Well Im now left trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and my life. Let me tell you
It aint easy
So if u think u can change them or fix them or find the right combo of meds or just _____ (fill in the blanks) you cant. Its a bad disease that steals the people we love the most and leaves nothing but devestation in its wake

Johnny B.

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Posts: 44

« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2010, 02:29:44 PM »

Steals the people we love...that is exactly what happens. Very sad. I also know that they can not be helped...lucky us who love them... rolleyes
GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board.
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
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Gender: Male
Posts: 5310

« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2010, 02:31:42 PM »

These drinking doctors pop up a lot here. Next time I go to the doctor I'm bringing a breathalizer.

Life is short. Shorter for some than others.
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Gender: Female
Posts: 227

« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2010, 07:59:58 PM »

I later found out that BPD as well as Bipolar is common amongst surgeons
why? because it gives them an outlet for their mania- they can work all nite and blame it
on their jobsred-flag

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