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Think About It... It pays to learn to Fair Fighting Rules. The first rule is to focus on solving a problem/reaching a solution rather than venting your anger or winning a victory. The second rle is to deal with one issue at a time. No fair piling several complaints into one session. Learn all eleven rules here.
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Author Topic: So MAD, she lost ALL my son's pictures...  (Read 922 times)
JustSaying
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« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2012, 04:09:05 PM »

You gotta be the bigger person be/c that's actually the best way to get your point across. You know what they say about wrestling a pig...you both get covered in s--t and the pig likes it. If you texted that to her, she'd actually like it at some level and then feel justified in all her actions. Why give her that gift?

If you're able to follow through with the storage place, get what you need, and not say another thing to x...that's a pure victory on all levels. You'll be able to smile for years at pulling that one off.
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tog
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« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2012, 04:36:59 PM »

You have to be the bigger person because you ARE the bigger person. I know my SO would love to fire back at stbx with everything he's got, but IMHO, then he's sinking to her level. And it won't work, because I KNOW she can keep up the fight much longer than he can. She lives for that kind of conflict. If he could have "won" that way he wouldn't have had to leave.

Hope you get your pictures and get back to NC quickly. smiley
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azmomm2
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« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2012, 05:13:15 PM »

I hope you get the pictures back!
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The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

Kattgirl
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« Reply #13 on: January 18, 2012, 01:25:30 PM »

Why do I always have to be "the bigger person" damnit?

Believe me, Muggzy, I've asked myself that question so many times.

Would you rather be the type of person she is?   ;p

Which type of person do you want to be for your son?

BTW, how do you know she's even telling the truth about all those photos/mementos being in the storage unit?  Could she be lying about what's in there because she knows it would push your buttons/motivate you to put up the cash?
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- Kattgirl
You've got to roll with the punches and get to what's real.
zoso80
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For the moment, doing the banana split!


« Reply #14 on: January 24, 2012, 12:13:22 PM »

+1!

DxBPDgf left all her pictures (her baby pix, son's childhood pix and youngest daughter's early childhood pix) at an apartment she'd been evicted from. Needless to say, they were all thrown in the dumpster because she just left and didn't take her mementos. The landlord had to clean it because she just abandoned the apartment.

Of course, the story became the landlord lied and didn't honor what they said. Which, knowing exBPD, the normal M.O. is she either misunderstood the landlord or is just using her version of events as a cover story. I'm pretty versed in her patterns.

The sad upshot is there are two children who have very, very few pictures of themselves from birth to 4 (the girl) and 9 (the boy).

Inexcusable!

I hope you get the pictures back!

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MuGGzy
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« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2012, 05:20:39 PM »

Well I actually got a call from the storage place, the buyer DID show up with a huge box of pictures and since they could not reach her they would release them to any family member that showed up.
So I went and got them and sorted through them over the weekend. I am SO glad to have these back. There was every school photo of my son and tons of stuff from family trips that I had totally forgotten ever taking. It was really cool and I felt pretty blessed to have been able to get this stuff back.

I sorted them and took out almost everything that had ONLY HER in them, or pics of her with other male "friends" on trips I either didn't know about, or had intentionally just forgotten about. Plus a bunch of photo albums from her childhood and of her mom and dad, her father passed away when she was 6 (part of the BPD slide I am sure) so I know she cherished these albums, as much as any BPD CAN value something.

So now I have a box of my photos (or my son) and a box of hers. At my GFs suggestion I did leave some pics of all of us in my box so that my son might someday look back and have SOME good memories, or at least I will let HIM decide to throw them away, either way I didn't keep them for ME.

Now I have a decision to make. I have this box of stuff that I know if I offered them to her she would want them. However, I resent the fact that she let this stuff get taken because she didn't pay her bill. She opened the account with them and then never came back or made any plans to actually KEEP the unit, until she called me in a panic begging me to save her precious belongings literally hours before it was auctioned off.
Part of me wants to just burn the box of her stuff, and part wants to just give it to her, or maybe one of her family members since I doubt she has any place to actually keep it safe.

I also may use them as a lure to get her to meet me so I can have her ARRESTED too!

I have not decided what I am going to do yet...



PS. She called me at my desk yesterday to tell me that she was at the Good Will depot (where they let you dig through bins before they are sorted and washed to be sent to the stores) to tell me the GOOD NEWS, that she had found all her clothes and our sons baby blankets etc. I guess the buyer of the unit just took her clothes and dumped them there. She was talking very fast and obviously still using and I did not mention the pictures at all.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2012, 05:26:50 PM by MuGGzy » Logged
azmomm2
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« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2012, 06:38:02 PM »

I would be the bigger person and give them back to her (or her family). It is up to her to keep them safe or not. I would also put SOME of the pictures of your son in there. No matter what she's done, she's still his mom.

It would be purely evil to burn them... don't do that.
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JustSaying
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« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2012, 08:46:52 PM »

I'm so happy for you that you got them back. Now that you have them, there's nothing to be gained from not giving her her stuff. Do it because it's the right thing. Let the resentment go.
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zoso80
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For the moment, doing the banana split!


« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2012, 03:22:44 AM »

I'm glad you got them back!

I'd make copies (or scans) of all the pictures of you son and the ones you want to save. No matter what happens going forward there is a copy somewhere.

JustSaying has a really valid point. Holding on to her pictures promotes resentment and anger on your part.  Look at it like closure. By great fortune were able to save your sons history, those priceless pictures are safe. Now, let go of hers.  Even though she sounds like a mess, her pictures are her history. To deny her them isn't right.

Give them back and let go.  If she loses them again, that's her loss.

You'll be able to look in the mirror down the road and say to yourself you made the right choice.

Best,



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Rose1
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« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2012, 03:53:49 AM »

Consider too if your children would like some of just her - they may. In truth she is irresponsible and they are your children's in the long run. I have kept my wedding photos - for my d's not for me and all the photos of them as children - exBPDh has never asked for anything in that regard and won't- out of sight out of mind. Best they stay with the people who will treasure them.
Rose
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