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Author Topic: When the only one who believes in you... is you... mostly.  (Read 917 times)
EmpathyBoy
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« Reply #30 on: February 22, 2012, 11:15:43 AM »

To be more honest about the situation...my faith in myself and humanity itself has been pretty badly shaken.

Many people have gone through a rough patch in life will know that sometimes multiple things go bad clumping around the same time period and that is the times a dysfunctional and/or toxic family really comes back to haunt you!

I read this recently on staying positive during a Long Job Search:
http://www.pongoresume.com/blogPosts/698/10_tips_for_staying_positive_in_a_long_job_search.cfm
...the most apt quote is:
7. Minimize your exposure to "BMWs."
BMWs = Btchers, Moaners, and Whiners! When you're a little fragile emotionally, such negativity will be poisonous to you and your job search.


That would likely include most people's families on here and definitely all of mine.  That is the paradox, but I will just have to put up the boundaries I need to and get some space.

After a few days of quiet...my head is clearing up and I am getting aligned and positive again.  I cannot say I accomplished a lot in the last 3-5 days, but I decided and accepted a lot that should take some bricks off.

I know that my fear has been holding me back after being bullied and beaten down in multiple areas.  I think it is likely that my counselor is actually either an NPD or psychopath...I postponed my session for 2 weeks...and will likely fire him then.

I am not the only person to get tired of dealing with PD people both personally and professionally, but they seem to have a grip on much of society at all levels right now which is troubling, but explains much.

I think once you are better able to detect them and also detect them detecting you...it is both eye opening and dismaying.  I cannot completely avoid the possibility of my former bosses(the bullies/mob) bad mouthing me, but I have so many people who think well of me I need to focus on them.

The hardest part is much like distortion campaigns within our families...corporate psychopaths or NPD's that are "successful" are brutal and talented.  They burned bridges I had into two companies even before I left.  Say a prayer or make a wish for me as I bunker down and attempt to move forward.

The most unfair aspect of it is that in interviews a job candidate should never say anything bad about their former bosses, but contrary to laws or legal agreements...bully bosses or mobs will gladly burn you with made up baloney...whether old or new...to prove they were right!

The facts would prove me correct, but many who think they know these people do not know of their dark side and would find it hard to believe.  My new hope is to work for a direct competitor and deliver success helping beat them as an ultimate win-win!
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EmpathyBoy
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« Reply #31 on: February 22, 2012, 12:06:26 PM »


The most unfair aspect of it is that in interviews a job candidate should never say anything bad about their former bosses, but contrary to laws or legal agreements...bully bosses or mobs will gladly burn you with made up baloney...whether old or new...to prove they were right!

The facts would prove me correct, but many who think they know these people do not know of their dark side and would find it hard to believe.  My new hope is to work for a direct competitor and deliver success helping beat them as an ultimate win-win!

That's where networking works wonders.   Do you have good connects from your old job? 

It's funny, this type of situation is precisely why I wanted to work on the paranoia about the world BPDs brainwash into you.  While they preach  on and on about the dangers of trusting anyone but them or the FOO, they're out constantly networking!  Their work habits may be so-so,and they may privately piss a few people off BUT they are winners when it comes to self promotion.   They pump themselves up, ingratiate and dump anyone who can't be brought into their personal cult.  The workplace requires only surface interaction so it's the perfect place to create believers/supporters.  Most people don't want to go below the surface and see anyone's crazy so they willingly put their heads down while PDs go to work!  shocked

Personally, I'm taking a page out of the BPD/NPD book and trying to learn to self promote more!  Regardless of what they say--they are quite confident that they will find people in any setting who will believe their tales.  I want to get that confident and be that effective telling my story--promoting myself for positive ends.  I'm really glad you wrote this.  It helped me make some more mental connections on the subject. 

I'm tired of cowering because the FOO has me so convinced that there's danger all around.  I have to push myself more so I know it's not true and they're preaching fearfulness while practicing arrogance!
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EmpathyBoy
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« Reply #32 on: February 26, 2012, 12:16:50 PM »

That's where networking works wonders.   Do you have good connects from your old job? 

Networking is a major part of my plan and I will focus on the positive and most likely gloss over the previous situation with humor unless I really trust the person.  "I wanted to solve problems for <blank> like <blank>, but apparently he did not want me to!" 

I actually created a situation before I left where I went all out to solve a white whale level problem that they figured was impossible...and then when I found a way to succeed despite the games...they pulled the plug or basically bit off their own leg while I offered up the solution freely.

It was public enough that despite the baloney they made up where apparently I went from being incompetent to being some loose cannon trying to take over the world merely by doing my job so well and solving this big problem both technically and politically for them.

Still...even some of the people directly involved believed some of their distortion...because it was easier to believe that there was something wrong with me then my own management sabotaged me from solving there problem...despite the direct evidence and actual events.

They basically burned two bridges for me who were the two partners involved in my project with such baloney.

I will survive and I will get a new job, but from past experience and knowledge...it may be a bit of a battle as these type of people will purposefully try to burn me using their networks just to prove they awful actions as "right".  So I need to out promote them on as vast a scale as I can and out network them too...that's the plan!
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EmpathyBoy
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