Thank you avoidatallcost for finding that quote pertaining to what was the most frustrating thing with your BPD. To me it brings sadness that you have a unique love for some one who wont be able to cherish it.
The worst part is, you would do all these nice things for them and they wouldn't even care.
I would ask her how she could treat me so badly after all the nice things I did for her. She looked at me like I was evil incarnate, like I was Satan using her for sex and trying to cover it all up with little meaningless tokens of affection.
I made soup for this woman when she was sick. I picked her up in the middle of the night and drove her home to make sure she was safe. I held her when she cried. I was always there for her when no one else was. And how did she repay me? By having sex with other men literally the day after spending a weekend with me and telling me she loved me. After all my experience in dating women, I still don't know why I allowed her disorder to cloud my judgment of her actions and allowed me to forgive so many truly unforgivable behaviors and actions.
And I still don't understand this almost sociopathic lack of caring and empathy.. it's like they knew you loved them and would do anything for them, but it still wasn't enough. They knew how much we loved them, and they'd still sleep around and criticize you and blame you for everything that was wrong in the relationship. And they know so well how to make you feel bad about not being able to get them to completely trust you. And the entire time I'm thinking, "why isn't she trusting me what am I doing wrong here?"
Little did I know that this lack of trust had nothing really to do with me. It was because of the abuse she had suffered growing up. I wasted so much time blaming myself!