Moved from Undecided to Leaving after all these years

[Think About It...]

For many years, BPD family: Undecided board was my only support group as I suffered with my uBPDw, who is dOCD.

After all these years, I have filed for divorce and told her.  There was no joy only alot of pain.
Our marriage lasted just under 25 years, of which there were more bad times than good.  I was her slave, her bank, her punching bag. I was in constant fear of losing my kids, of her and her actions.

When I told someone I was leaving her, there was no surprise.  I was told that they could tell I was mistreated.  The bruises and scars of her attacks were noticable. Everyone tells me that I deserve better including my children (18 & 22) I'm 49, in a lot of emotional pain.  Starting therapy to recover.

If your gf/bf is BPD. Please leave the relationship.  Do not marry this person. As I look back, there were red flags while we were dating but there was no internet and I couldn't see them either.
Chances are you are caring and loving person.  Relationships are give and take. BPDers do all the taking.  My only joy from my relationship are 2 great kids that I raised basically on my own (the kids tell me that).  So please, escape when you can.

[Forestaken]

For many years, BPD family: Undecided board was my only support group as I suffered with my uBPDw, who is dOCD.

After all these years, I have filed for divorce and told her.  There was no joy only alot of pain.
Our marriage lasted just under 25 years, of which there were more bad times than good.  I was her slave, her bank, her punching bag. I was in constant fear of losing my kids, of her and her actions.

When I told someone I was leaving her, there was no surprise.  I was told that they could tell I was mistreated.  The bruises and scars of her attacks were noticable. Everyone tells me that I deserve better including my children (18 & 22) I'm 49, in a lot of emotional pain.  Starting therapy to recover.

If your gf/bf is BPD. Please leave the relationship.  Do not marry this person. As I look back, there were red flags while we were dating but there was no internet and I couldn't see them either.
Chances are you are caring and loving person.  Relationships are give and take. BPDers do all the taking.  My only joy from my relationship are 2 great kids that I raised basically on my own (the kids tell me that).  So please, escape when you can.

[mari_lo]

I want to tell you that when you start to live your life now, which is not going to be easy, I'm sure, you will be able to appreciate life and freedom so much more! My BPD mother cutt off my father 15 years ago and he was miserable. She was humiliating him so much during their marriage, but he didn_

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[OnceConfused]

Forestaken:

My friend, at 49 you have so much to live for and enjoy for the next chapter of your life. Take what you learned from the many years w BPD and apply them to your next r/s. The road ahead is bright and airy. It will be a little strange to start your life again after so many years of being with 1 person. But, I can assure you the learning and experience with BPD will teach you so much about yourself, about who you are, about your resolve or lack thereof, about doing the right things. You will be a better man and a better husband for the next lucky gal.

I lost my 1st wife at the age of 49, after 22 years with her, and I then met xBPDgf 1 yr later. I left xBPDgf 9 months later and then met my now wife. We are very happily married for the past 4 years now. The timing was such that I would not have met my now wife, had I not spent that 9 months w xBPDgf. So everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for us and all we have to do is to open the door with gusto.

Don't walk away from your divorce as a victim of your xBPDW but walk away as a victor of your own weaknesses. That is how you will have no regrets and walk with your head high out of the door. You have overcome your fear of the unknown tomorrow, you have conquered your attachment, you have learned to stand up to the abuser, you have found that SATORI, or the moment of enlightenment.

Good luck in the days ahead.

[Forestaken]

Thanks,
These boards have been my life blood for 8 years.  Although I am spending time in Leaving, I feel an obilgation to those who are still undecided.

My T is working with me and my self esteem.