trust issues

[hodasalim]

Hi BPD family 

so here is the case, i have a BPDbf we have been together for about 4 months now and everything seems fine. I learned a lot about the BPD and I am coping with it really good so far and I don't have a lot to complain about.

Only one thing that is really bothering me is that he doesn't seem to be able to trust me enough to open up to me about what is depressing him. so he can go depressed and spend hours in his dark room and not answer my calls or texts and just grab the phone every 4 or 5 hours to tell me my mood is hitty I don't wanna talk about it. the next day he seems fine at the morning but by evening he gets back to the dark room phase and nothing seems to be good enough to cheer him up. this depressive mood can last for weeks and I still don't know what to do when he gets into this depression.

I understand that as a BPD this mostly will always be the case but all I want him to do is open up to me and tell me what is wrong ,, he just keeps telling me I like to sort out my own hit that is the way I prefer to do it, it is not about u babe it is just how I like to deal with my issues

Anyone here is having the same issue ? and how u deal with it ?

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[123Phoebe]

I understand that as a BPD this mostly will always be the case but all I want him to do is open up to me and tell me what is wrong ,, he just keeps telling me I like to sort out my own  that is the way I prefer to do it, it is not about u babe it is just how I like to deal with my issues

Hi hodasalim

Sounds like your bf has opened up and explained that he likes to sort out his issues the way he chooses to.  That it has nothing to do with you.

It's hard being on the outside looking in, but when someone has their curtains drawn and we go up to the window peering in with a flashlight, they learn not to trust us.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Is your bf in therapy?

[hodasalim]

[/quote]
Hi hodasalim

Sounds like your bf has opened up and explained that he likes to sort out his issues the way he chooses to.  That it has nothing to do with you.

It's hard being on the outside looking in, but when someone has their curtains drawn and we go up to the window peering in with a flashlight, they learn not to trust us.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Is your bf in therapy?[/quote]
maybe you are right ... I sound like the creepy person trying to see what is behind the curtains :/

Nope ... my bf is not on therapy ... we live in Egypt to is quite hard to find a therapist who is knowledgable enough about BPD.

he has been to 5 therapists before and they all diagnosed him with BPD however they just adv with the meds and didnt offer much help with the psychological therapy.

He is doing so well on his own I have to admit and he is improving really quickly ... he doesnt feel like everyone hates him and all of this anymore or not as much as he used to and his self esteem still remains a challenge I guess however it is much better that it used to be 2 years ago

[123Phoebe]

I sound like the creepy person trying to see what is behind the curtains :/

Nope, you don't sound creepy at all.  It's natural to wonder what's going on with the people we care about   People with BPD experience things on a much higher frequency though, so what might seem a natural concern to us, could possibly feel invasive to them.  Then here comes shutdown mode, with maybe a little push-pull thrown in for good measure

I'm glad things are better than they used to be

[hodasalim]

The thing is he is cutting me off for 2 weeks now ... he doesnt reply to my calls or text messages it is probably only once a day when he is able to pull off enough energy to contact me and when he does it is only like for 5 min and then he comes up with whatever excuse to get back to his cave ... I know this sounds selfish but I miss my man so much now ... I miss him talking to me and the laughs and it seems that his depression is taking way longer that it normally do that is why I am concerned :/

Thanks a lot for your help and support