Estate planning + Stepmom dBPDw = Doom

[coasterhusband]

My dBPDw and I have been married for a little over 2 years. We recently started the process of having wills and estate plans drawn up. I have a daughter from a previous marriage that my wife is close to (we have my daughter 50% of the time).

We tried to talk about the details of the estate plan today (as well as a bit the last few days) and my dBPDw can't seem to decide if she wants to complain and moan about how hard it is to be a stepmom due to (in this particular case) the complications that creating an estate plan with a stepdaughter causes, or to figure out how to address her concerns with actual solutioning.

We are creating a trust for my daughter that will then purchase a life insurance policy on me. This will ensure that no matter what, my daughter will have money after I die; money that my ex or dBPDw, or anyone else can't get access to. My wife was part of this discussion all along (though it was always about protecting from the ex). But now, she's seen that in order to make this work, she has to agree to "give up" some amount of money (aka community property) to put into the trust to buy the life insurance. She's freaked out now because of both the complications of being a stepmom in a situation like this, and because she's having to "give up" community property. Logic of this all aside, she's just lashing out and logic has absolutely left the building.

Has anyone gone through this process with a BPD spouse? Any suggestions?

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