Should I tell him I suspect Bpd?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My boyfriend of 6.5 years,  father of our 2 kids was diagnosed about 15 years ago with schizo affective bipolar disorder. I haven't really understood how this affects things but I have felt he doesn't really seem bipolar.  If that is a correct assessment he is very mild bipolar.  But when I found out about BPD,  it rings true in many ways.

I feel like if I were to bring this up he will just get angry at me claiming I'm attacking him and blaming all of our problems on him. But there have been several episodes recently that seem to fit so well with this and I wonder if its helpful or not helpful to bring it up.

I would like opinions and to hear others experiences with this same issue.

Do you tell your partner about this, do you talk about the behaviors and leave out the term "borderline"? Do I just learn as much as I can about it and not mention anything to him?

Thank you.

[Klarity Kwest]

My boyfriend of 6.5 years,  father of our 2 kids was diagnosed about 15 years ago with schizo affective bipolar disorder. I haven't really understood how this affects things but I have felt he doesn't really seem bipolar.  If that is a correct assessment he is very mild bipolar.  But when I found out about BPD,  it rings true in many ways.

I feel like if I were to bring this up he will just get angry at me claiming I'm attacking him and blaming all of our problems on him. But there have been several episodes recently that seem to fit so well with this and I wonder if its helpful or not helpful to bring it up.

I would like opinions and to hear others experiences with this same issue.

Do you tell your partner about this, do you talk about the behaviors and leave out the term "borderline"? Do I just learn as much as I can about it and not mention anything to him?

Thank you.

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[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Klarity West & 

Your question whether to tell your boyfriend you think he has BPD is a good one, and it's been addressed in this Workshop: PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD, and before you do anything regarding this, please check that link out.


The Undiagnosed Insult

There is quite a bit of information against disclosing a possible diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) to those we love and care about….and for good reason.  The phrase “personality disorder” comes across as an insult, even in the kindest delivery.  For example, imagine if you felt there was nothing wrong with your intelligence and someone empathetically tried to convince that you were in denial and that you are actually severely retarded.  How would that go over?  Perhaps you may recoil and shout, “I’m not stupid, you are the stupid one!”  Then of course, things get escalated from there and any therapeutic window for discussion is now highly defended.

For more information, explanations and member input into this subject, you can read the Workshop. It's very enlightening! I've found that with my BPD loved ones, only one has been officially diagnosed (my BPD adult son of 37), and since he was happy to have a name that explained his troubles, and did so much research on his own, he and I have discussed this almost daily. But he is a "Low-Functioning" BPD, and as such he has a deep knowledge of how this disorder has given him so many problems (can't ignore that fact that he has no job, no car, no girlfriend, etc.), and is happy in his Therapies and Treatments and eager to continue his recovery and get a "normal" life eventually.

My other loved ones whom I suspect have BPD traits or BPD, are "High Functioning" and with good jobs, marriages, children, homes, etc., they would never admit to a disorder and would bite off my head if I mentioned it to them    I would never tell them of my suspicions, and I just use the information I've learned on this site to help me navigate my relationships with them. It works, too 

Do I just learn as much as I can about it and not mention anything to him?

With my own experiences as guidance, this would be my advice... .But read the Workshop I linked to above, and you will get more information and insights into this subject, Klarity Kwest... .These would also be helpful: The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship and Supporting your BPD partner.