I hate you don't forget your coffee

[dog_star]

I am wondering if others who have pwBPD in their lives notice this pattern:

This happed about a week ago in the morning as I am going to work. She has been deregulated for a day or two. Say that the r/s is over, I don't respect her, I am narcissistic, etc. All within a rage. So I do my quick shower and out to work thing (I now have instant oatmeal at work and grab an americano on the way to deal with mornings like this). So I am just getting in my car to go, and she rushes out and says, ":)on't you want any coffee? I made extra for you."

 

I have notice it at other times as well, e.g.:

• Conflict for three days. Conflict ends. Then it is revealed that on day two of the conflict she got me two new sweaters for work.



• Conflict. She say that she wants to end the r/s. I go out for hours. Come home and she has got a nice take out dinner. And has got a dish for me.

What is this patten about?

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[AnnaK]

I suppose it's like "oops, what am I doing?" effect.

It kinda happens to my SO too. Not always, sometimes. I take it as kinda attempts at reconciling - he's checking my mood - or maybe checks that I would not leave, or maybe attempts to stop me from leaving if I look like I might... .

I don't get surprised though, nor do I mind - we of course create a lot of mess for no particular reason - but like with any mess, the sooner it gets mopped up, the better.

[gomez_addams]

I get the same thing.

Today is was 20 minutes of criticism and abuse in the car ride home. I was mostly quiet (I knew what *not* to say, but not what I should say, or how to say it).

When we were pulling in, she was demanding I scream and yell and curse at her, because "that's who I really am"... .I wouldn't, so she slammed the car door.

Two hours later a text asking, "When are you coming home, and what can I make you for dinner?"

[Grey Kitty]

You just have to accept that their immediate feelings become their world, past, present, and future.

Then the feelings change (same as happens with normal people), and the changed feelings become the "new" past, present, and future.

It really is crazy-making for us... .and all you can do is accept that their world really does shift like this in their heads... .and be thankful that our heads don't do it to us too!

[formflier]

 

Have you ever thought to gently try to share feelings about the pattern... .

Direct confrontation is usually bad... .but since they are in the making up mood... .there may be an opening to talk about your hurts... .and to focus on changing a pattern... .

Validate first... .then test the waters... .