What do you think is going on?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am staying in my marriage for now.  I guess this could go on the undecided board, but presently, I am committed to the marriage.

So, my wife asked me to take today off so we could go watch my son's event in another town.  I was kind of surprised that she wanted me to take the day off and spend it with me.

As info, I think that I have been gradually being revalued after a couple of years of being painted black.

It was about a 45 minute drive to the event.  We rode alone together on the trip up.  She immediately started telling me that everything is getting to her and that she may need medicated.

We have been together for 22 years.  She began talking about all of the different friends that she has gone through over the years.  She began naming her current group of friends and how she is realizing that they only care about themselves.

She went into details about them.  She also said that when she is done with someone she is done with them.

She was very open and purged a lot of frustration to me.

I listened to her.  I empathized. 

She brought up her friend that I had the affair with a couple of times.

Then, she would discuss how her other friends don't listen to her.

I added some input, and said that we were better off when we first got married and started hanging around all of these people.

I said, "I think most people spend time with family and don't put a lot of emphasis with socializing and being seen."

She agreed and said, "I've been doing a lot more with my sister."

She then added that she wanted us to join a gym together, something we haven't done in 20 years.

I began to tell her about some of the problems that I had at work this year.  Some of the problems with my boss and his boss.  She actually listened and said "that sucks.  That's crazy... ." and so on.

I know all of this is may not mean much, but, do you think she is reflecting more on her life?  Or is she just having a rough go around with her friends and is losing outside attention?

We've had a very challenging couple of years.  I have been an ass at times, but I made sure I started expressing myself and things that I have not liked about the marriage.  I'm sure it has been hurtful for her to hear some of my complaints.  I do feel that if I had been more vocal and set better boundaries throughout my marriage that we would have been better off.

I have also started focusing on myself.

Is there any type of pattern emerging or have any of you gone through this?

[workinprogress]

I am staying in my marriage for now.  I guess this could go on the undecided board, but presently, I am committed to the marriage.

So, my wife asked me to take today off so we could go watch my son's event in another town.  I was kind of surprised that she wanted me to take the day off and spend it with me.

As info, I think that I have been gradually being revalued after a couple of years of being painted black.

It was about a 45 minute drive to the event.  We rode alone together on the trip up.  She immediately started telling me that everything is getting to her and that she may need medicated.

We have been together for 22 years.  She began talking about all of the different friends that she has gone through over the years.  She began naming her current group of friends and how she is realizing that they only care about themselves.

She went into details about them.  She also said that when she is done with someone she is done with them.

She was very open and purged a lot of frustration to me.

I listened to her.  I empathized. 

She brought up her friend that I had the affair with a couple of times.

Then, she would discuss how her other friends don't listen to her.

I added some input, and said that we were better off when we first got married and started hanging around all of these people.

I said, "I think most people spend time with family and don't put a lot of emphasis with socializing and being seen."

She agreed and said, "I've been doing a lot more with my sister."

She then added that she wanted us to join a gym together, something we haven't done in 20 years.

I began to tell her about some of the problems that I had at work this year.  Some of the problems with my boss and his boss.  She actually listened and said "that sucks.  That's crazy... ." and so on.

I know all of this is may not mean much, but, do you think she is reflecting more on her life?  Or is she just having a rough go around with her friends and is losing outside attention?

We've had a very challenging couple of years.  I have been an ass at times, but I made sure I started expressing myself and things that I have not liked about the marriage.  I'm sure it has been hurtful for her to hear some of my complaints.  I do feel that if I had been more vocal and set better boundaries throughout my marriage that we would have been better off.

I have also started focusing on myself.

Is there any type of pattern emerging or have any of you gone through this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

 

You are getting some momentum going in the right direction.

Keep it going.

Make sure you mention to her that you liked the drive and the talk... .

Might want to focus on what you do like in marriage... .or what you would like to see... .instead of telling her what you  DON'T like.  That could be seen as invalidating... .or criticizing

This is good news.

Refocus on lessons... and using them... .to help momentum keep going correctly.

[workinprogress]

You are getting some momentum going in the right direction.

Keep it going.

Make sure you mention to her that you liked the drive and the talk... .

Might want to focus on what you do like in marriage... .or what you would like to see... .instead of telling her what you  DON'T like.  That could be seen as invalidating... .or criticizing

This is good news.

Refocus on lessons... and using them... .to help momentum keep going correctly.

One thing I have learned in this marriage is that if I am giving and caring, she will pull away.  If I tell her that I liked the drive and our talk, she will pull away.

If I just live my life as though the marriage doesn't matter, she will revalue me.

I will review the lessons.