Insight into how they feel

[Depression = 72% of members]

I don't know if it's healthy or not but I do spend a lot of time thinking about how lonely inside my uBPDxw feels and what a sad existence that is, especially now. She is in therapy and facing the reality of the devastation she's left behind. Anyways there is a song called My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World that makes me think of what she is going through so I thought I'd post the lyrics.

I see it around me, I see it in everything.

I could be so much more than this.

I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.

I'm gonna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I need you to show me the way from crazy.

I wanna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

Good Goodbye, lovely time

Good Goodbye, tinsel shine

Good Goodbye, I'll be fine

Good Goodbye, good goodnight.

[Lost23]

I don't know if it's healthy or not but I do spend a lot of time thinking about how lonely inside my uBPDxw feels and what a sad existence that is, especially now. She is in therapy and facing the reality of the devastation she's left behind. Anyways there is a song called My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World that makes me think of what she is going through so I thought I'd post the lyrics.

I see it around me, I see it in everything.

I could be so much more than this.

I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.

I'm gonna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I need you to show me the way from crazy.

I wanna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

Good Goodbye, lovely time

Good Goodbye, tinsel shine

Good Goodbye, I'll be fine

Good Goodbye, good goodnight.

[Deeno02]

I spend alot of time wondering how they can just throw you a like a used kleenex,  and QUICKLY just find another guy. Feels like i never mattered to her. Im so freaking empty.

[Lost23]

Yeah. Been down that road many times. It always baffles me what a downgrade it is too. I think knowing more about the 'condition' now, I feel less hurt by that. It helps me to know it's not me.

[willtimeheal]

I have tried to empathize with how it must feel for her but I am not there yet and I am not sure I will ever get there. I have read and learned everything I can about the disorder. I understand the disorder but I am sorry that doesn't make what she did and is doing to me right. The pure hell she has put me through and the pain I wake up feeling everyday, disorder or no disorder she is thrives on hurting others. I am a decent kind generous human being and I got treated like dog $hit. Everyday I wake up and try to get through the day without thinking about her or missing her. I am the one on antidepressants and in therapy. It's hard to feel sorry for someone like her at this point. She can make changes. She chooses not too.

[Deeno02]

I know its not all me. But, damn, im ALWAYS second guessing myself. Did i do it? Was i that bad a man? Should i have paid even more attention? Its been about a month and im devastated still.

[Lost23]

I know its not all me. But, damn, im ALWAYS second guessing myself. Did i do it? Was i that bad a man? Should i have paid even more attention? Its been about a month and im devastated still.

Yeah a month is pretty soon. I went through that for about 3-4 months. It's only been the last 2 that I went from anger to acceptance. I know now it wasn't me and I did everything I could (and more).

[maternal]

I can't imagine being so afraid of the world and so angry that I have to destroy everything and everyone that is good for or to me.  To transfer all of the pain and fear of that original pre-verbal trauma onto everyone that loves or cares for you must be a horrible way to try and survive. To have that deep, dark hole of nothingness within must be the most sad existence of all. 

[lm911]

I have had only 1 serious relationship and I feel devasted. My ex has had 7 relationships and I have no idea how it is possible for her to continue wanting a new one.

[Deeno02]

I cant really deal with this pain much longer. But I'm trying. Unfortunately her son and my son are friends and play VB together, which she coaches. Sucks to be me... .

[jayboy336]

I really find it hard to empathize with how they feel as well. I have been through 9+ cycles and everytime I was promised change, it never happened. Everytime she swore she would get help because she knew she had BPD, she didnt. She did not care at all that I was hurt or who she ended up hurting. In the end, it was all about her and feeding the impulsive need for self indulgence.

I finally said goodbye to my exBPDgf yesterday after she admitted she was ignoring me because shes tired of the cycle we have and that she deserves better. This after I basically professed my feelings for her and telling her how sorry I was for everything that has happened and how I never wanted to hurt her. I treated her like absolute heaven and I am discarded like yesterdays trash and blamed for everything. Not much for closure. I will never get it. Thats the hardest part.

[Deeno02]

Nope. You won't. Mine moved on day after dumping me. Been about a month now. All I got was lame excuses as to I didn't see her enough, communicate enough, blah, blah, blah. Disgarded like a used Kleenex. And she pulls another out of the box. Sorry, but expect nothing until they try to recycle...

[Blimblam]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

[willtimeheal]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

I still have a hard time emphasizing. I listened to my ex BPDgf complain about her life everyday. She would complain how bad it sucked but yet she would do nothing to improve or change it. She rudely believes that there is a white knight out there who is going to wash away her issues. Grow up.  You are an adult.

[myself]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

If pwBPD took one of the many chances they have to reach for real help, to personally grow, and to break their own bad patterns and addictions, they'd be in much less pain and would leave much less wreckage in their wake. Most of us here did not do 1/1000th of the kinds of hurtful things they do, and didn't deserve it happening to us just because they continuously run from their stuff instead of facing it. I feel for them in some ways, but since they choose to stay stuck they get what they get. It's up to them to change.

[Blimblam]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

I still have a hard time emphasizing. I listened to my ex BPDgf complain about her life everyday. She would complain how bad it sucked but yet she would do nothing to improve or change it. She rudely believes that there is a white knight out there who is going to wash away her issues. Grow up.  You are an adult.

I fully believe you. I am not excusing their behavior.

Just simply stating that through projective identification were were projected into how they feel about themselves.  If i had to to through life feeling that bad under the surface I would probably be just as stuck. 

Full disclosure in don't think we will hear many success cases for borderline until they integrate MDMA and hallucinogens into therapy.

Problem is when they do take those drugs it is tycipally around enablers.

My ex got to a point where she fully trusted me briefly. I saw her true inner self able to be real. And she told me she had never trusted anyone in her entire life.  It is soo hard to build trust like deep trust with a borderline. It's just the way the disorder works.

[Blimblam]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

If pwBPD took one of the many chances they have to reach for real help, to personally grow, and to break their own bad patterns and addictions, they'd be in much less pain and would leave much less wreckage in their wake. Most of us here did not do 1/1000th of the kinds of hurtful things they do, and didn't deserve it happening to us just because they continuously run from their stuff instead of facing it. I feel for them in some ways, but since they choose to stay stuck they get what they get. It's up to them to change.

This is true.

I am just begining to get to a point where I can depersonalize what happened.

It is a tragedy all around.

The thing is if we were in their shoes would we fair any better then them?

I don't think so.

[willtimeheal]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

If pwBPD took one of the many chances they have to reach for real help, to personally grow, and to break their own bad patterns and addictions, they'd be in much less pain and would leave much less wreckage in their wake. Most of us here did not do 1/1000th of the kinds of hurtful things they do, and didn't deserve it happening to us just because they continuously run from their stuff instead of facing it. I feel for them in some ways, but since they choose to stay stuck they get what they get. It's up to them to change.

This is true.

I am just begining to get to a point where I can depersonalize what happened.

It is a tragedy all around.

The thing is if we were in their shoes would we fair any better then them?

I don't think so.

I totally understand what you are saying Blimblam but I didn't deserve what I got. Mental illness or not I am scarred and broken now. It takes all my strength to get through a day. I am in therapy and on antidepressants. I ruminate about her and at times hate my life. I offered her all the help... .excellent therapist, a loving home, security... .everything she wanted and I am the one broken and hurt while she struts around happy and cheerful. So although I get what you are saying I didn't deserve what I was and am going through.

[Blimblam]

You know that terrible terrible pain you feel.  That's how they feel inside that's what they Are running away from. Except it is probably even more intense for them if they allowed themself to fully feel it.

If pwBPD took one of the many chances they have to reach for real help, to personally grow, and to break their own bad patterns and addictions, they'd be in much less pain and would leave much less wreckage in their wake. Most of us here did not do 1/1000th of the kinds of hurtful things they do, and didn't deserve it happening to us just because they continuously run from their stuff instead of facing it. I feel for them in some ways, but since they choose to stay stuck they get what they get. It's up to them to change.

This is true.

I am just begining to get to a point where I can depersonalize what happened.

It is a tragedy all around.

The thing is if we were in their shoes would we fair any better then them?

I don't think so.

I totally understand what you are saying Blimblam but I didn't deserve what I got. Mental illness or not I am scarred and broken now. It takes all my strength to get through a day. I am in therapy and on antidepressants. I ruminate about her and at times hate my life. I offered her all the help... .excellent therapist, a loving home, security... .everything she wanted and I am the one broken and hurt while she struts around happy and cheerful. So although I get what you are saying I didn't deserve what I was and am going through.

You sound like a good man William. I'm so sorry you went through this.  No, you did not deserve it at all! 

Taking care of you is definately the priority.  After giving so much of yourself you need your energy for you. Heck even to the point of percieved "selfishness" it is like relearning to walk again and we start off in the fetal position learning to crawl. 

I just want you to know you for hurt so deeply because your a deeply caring person. There is no shame in needing that caring for you now and i understand.

[Fluff]

My ex just posted this by Elton John, funny funny. The one thing that solidifies by belief she's borderline is the songs she posts.

I want love, but it's impossible

A man like me, so irresponsible

A man like me is dead in places

Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes

Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold

Don't feel nothing, just old scars

Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind

I want love, won't break me down

Won't brick me up, won't fence me in

I want a love, that don't mean a thing

That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms

After everything I've ever learned

Me, I carry too much baggage

Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised

Don't give me love that's clean and smooth

I'm ready for the rougher stuff

No sweet romance, I've had enough

[myself]

The thing is if we were in their shoes would we fair any better then them?

We'd have the chance. If we tried, if we chose to, we might make it.

[Deeno02]

I wish mine would have taken the time to actually care for me. But it was always you don't spend enough time with me, you don't communicate, you don't get me gifts(that was a new one). Spend time with me or lose me threat all the time... .I was driven away... .

[cleverusername]

I have had only 1 serious relationship and I feel devasted. My ex has had 7 relationships and I have no idea how it is possible for her to continue wanting a new one.

I have only been in one relationship also and feel exactly the same way. The messed up part is the whole time I was taken aback by how into me she seemed to be, and felt bad that while I really liked her it felt like she liked me so much more. I tried to put up walls and not let myself fall in love with her because of how turbulent the relationship was, and still got completely destroyed.

The last weekend we were together she told me she loved me for the first time, and then when we broke up she made it a point to tell me that what she had said wasn't true. This is probably what has me the most devastated. It was my first relationship and I just wanted to feel like what we had was real, but then she just discards me like she never cared about me at all and within days has already found a replacement. And I'm here not wanting to put myself out there for fear of being hurt again (or hurting someone).

[allweareisallweare]

I wish so many things about the ending of the relationship, about the BPD narrative - but I'm not Superman, just a regular guy. I wish I knew how they felt. If I could have a genuinely transparent conversation with my exDBPD and she said that she felt X Y Z and I felt that it was viable, I'd feel better, it'd be altruistic because it would serve my need for closure and how she felt is closure. BUT it doesn't work that way, she's mentally ill, she's a diagnosed BPD they'll never in any lifetime of mine be such a conversation or is she capable of holding one/initiating one. I'm as insightful as they come (although I insist I'm not Superman!) and I'd make it work for me, but we're asking the impossible - it's abnormality. I hate to think us as Borderline survivors are battling against some form of evil - it is an imbalance, a corruption - but it's an evil in the way it was directed at us full force, and we no doubt gave it all and put ourselves to the wall to make it work until we were in above our heads.

I can't do anything but be fair - there is no underestimating the woman, she's diagnosed and BPD as the day is long - I don't think we will ever truly grasp how they feel but I bet my limbs it's not compassion or love for us.

As I say I wish, for my sake, I had an insight but it's asking too much. Let's face it, we wouldn't want to be in their shoes the nanosecond they leech on to the replacement - it must be a terribly lonely and confusing place to be.

[Deeno02]

Mine was with someone the next day... .yay me... .

[camuse]

I feel bad for them, but ultimately they are bad people who need to be avoided. I feel bad for a paedophile too, but it doesn't justify their actions.

As said above, if you could have a normal conversation with them it would be a lot easier to empathise, but however awful their lives are, they take out their misery on us, so there really is nothing we can do but get away from them. It's sad, but it is what it is.

[Lost23]

I do feel bad for them because for the first 3 months of the separation I felt horrible and alone. I wonder now is that what my ex feels like all the time? And she is in therapy now and her birthday is coming up and she is trying very hard but struggling some days. The song reminded me of her especially the part about making progress but feeling like no one cares. I do remind myself that she wasn't there for me when I was alone and I re-read my intro post from this site to clarify the awful things I endured. But it's hard to completely separate myself from all emotions towards her. We spent 12 years together and there were some very good time, and she is the mother of my children so it's impossible to go completely N/C. I do want her to be okay.

[FoolishMan]

Mine was with someone the next day... .yay me... .

They all are. I found out mine had been courting her new boy for months while begging me to get a divorce and marry her. I even moved into her mums for a few days. They both seemed over the moon. Then I found out the boy was mums best pals son and had set it all up ages ago. Twisted!