And simply ASK if she is OK... .She explodes and says... ."this is NOT ABOUT YOU... .you seem to think everything is about YOU... ."... .(HUH?)
I got the same thing going on once. Just to share: I had just moved to another country to be with her (been there for about 1 month) and I had a terrible migraine crisis one weekend. She took care of me on Friday, but on Saturday she had a birthday party to attend to. I said that I would like to go, but I could not do it because I was in so much pain.
She left for the party. I was ok with it, we were supposed to meet the day after. The same evening I received an email from her telling me that we could not see each other because she would like to spend the weekend by the lake with friends. Of course I got upset about it, but I said it was ok and that we could see each other on Sunday. Friday night, she got completely drunk and came home riding a bike; she falled out of the bike and hits her head in a sidewalk. Next day she tells me about it. I got worried but she said she was fine, and I let it be.
Monday I decided to take some time for myself to work on some projects. She then calls me crying saying she needs to go to the doctor to see what happened to her head. I got really worried about it, left whatever I was doing to be with her. When I got to her place, she was totally out of herself, crying. When I tried to say: What do you want me to do (for you) to make you feel better? I heard: It's ALL ABOUT YOU! ALL THE TIME! This time I need it to be about ME!
I shut up and hold her and did whatever I needed to do to take care of her with a smile on my face and silent. But I never truly understood what was that about until I read about BPD.
You see, I got the feeling that this rage they feel... .it's like when you're a child, and you are very tired and sleepy, and then you feel like just putting up a tantrum. You don't know why you are doing it, you just do. Like some kind of inside agitation that only goes away after you get completely exhausted of crying and raging. Like some furious kid from that tv show The Nanny.