Feeling like I'm crazy

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Got bad news from my attorney. He's telling me that I'm doing something wrong in regards to custody - I don't know what, yet. It's made me re-read the emails between my uBPDex and me and I wonder what he's referring to. Perhaps I haven't been perfect, but what have I done that's so bad that my attorney is concerned?

Most of the time, I don't engage her nasty tone in emails - I may address some of her accusations once in awhile if I feel I need to, and I never resort the personal attacks. She's verbally attacked me on more than one occasion. In fact she's getting nastier by the day. The attacks are happening at about every two weeks, now. I ask to see the kids additionally. She says no, if she even bothers to respond. I ask to talk to DD11 on the phone. She doesn't bother to respond, and I get no phone call. I haven't been informed about schools, babysitters, etc. I have to go to the source to get the information I need. Recently, when DD11 grades slipped, I contacted her teachers via email. Got raging emails from uBPDex demanding I tell her what I've talked to the teachers about, and she'd appreciate it if I kept her in the loop. I took DD11 to a counselor, and DD11 tells the counselor all nasty things uBPDex says about me - the counselor kept repeating how aware DD11 is of adult issues. I offered uBPDex a chance to attend a counseling session. She says she'll let me know when she has a day off, and then never lets me know. So, I scheduled an appointment without her.

DS3 is starting to yell at people in my household. He puts his hands on his hips, wags his finger, and yells so loud his face turns red. He punches/hits the other kids in the house. DD11 is not doing well in school. She's becoming quiet, sullen, and withdrawn. Some days are better than others for her.

What is it that I'm doing wrong? All this makes me feel like I'm going nuts.

[kepp81]

Got bad news from my attorney. He's telling me that I'm doing something wrong in regards to custody - I don't know what, yet. It's made me re-read the emails between my uBPDex and me and I wonder what he's referring to. Perhaps I haven't been perfect, but what have I done that's so bad that my attorney is concerned?

Most of the time, I don't engage her nasty tone in emails - I may address some of her accusations once in awhile if I feel I need to, and I never resort the personal attacks. She's verbally attacked me on more than one occasion. In fact she's getting nastier by the day. The attacks are happening at about every two weeks, now. I ask to see the kids additionally. She says no, if she even bothers to respond. I ask to talk to DD11 on the phone. She doesn't bother to respond, and I get no phone call. I haven't been informed about schools, babysitters, etc. I have to go to the source to get the information I need. Recently, when DD11 grades slipped, I contacted her teachers via email. Got raging emails from uBPDex demanding I tell her what I've talked to the teachers about, and she'd appreciate it if I kept her in the loop. I took DD11 to a counselor, and DD11 tells the counselor all nasty things uBPDex says about me - the counselor kept repeating how aware DD11 is of adult issues. I offered uBPDex a chance to attend a counseling session. She says she'll let me know when she has a day off, and then never lets me know. So, I scheduled an appointment without her.

DS3 is starting to yell at people in my household. He puts his hands on his hips, wags his finger, and yells so loud his face turns red. He punches/hits the other kids in the house. DD11 is not doing well in school. She's becoming quiet, sullen, and withdrawn. Some days are better than others for her.

What is it that I'm doing wrong? All this makes me feel like I'm going nuts.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey kepp81, Sorry to hear what you are going through.  To me it seems like your focus is on things that are out of your control, which of course will drive you crazy and stress you out.  You might find greater serenity by shifting your focus to the things that you can control.  Of course, I'm paraphrasing the Serenity Prayer, which in your case seems quite apt.  Hang in there,  LuckyJim

[Nope]

Nobody can guess what you what you are doing "wrong" without looking at a court order or at least knowing a whole lot more detail about your interactions with the BPD and with the kids. You may not be doing anything wrong at all but are about to be accused of something.

In my situation I try not to drive myself too crazy with "what if". I just try to do the best I can. If someone questions me on my reasoning later, as long as I can honestly say I put the kids interests first I don't think any complaints about me amount to much.