Birthday shutdown

[Marvis]

today is my uBPDbf's birthday. He started shutting down 3 days ago after I "abandoned " him to go grocery shopping. (He knew where, when, how long I'd be gone, and what I was getting. It was his list of stuff he required for the day, not wanted, required) I had seemed to break the silence a smidge last night and work went fine even though he was pretty quiet and unresponsive for the most part. Then we get home from work and next thing I know he's raging at me for not getting the dryer sheets he didn't tell me we needed. He has now retreated to the bedroom, refusing to acknowledge me or anything else. I put his birthday present by the bed, said happy birthday to him and that I love him so much and left him alone. I guess I'm just wondering what makes them fly in to a self damaging spiral around birthdays(he ruined mine 2 weeks ago by telling me of another emotional affair he was having and subsequently shut down refusing to talk or even apologize to me. We had dinner planned, I had new clothes I still haven't been able to wear I'm still pretty upset about it TBH. I had a major panic attack which finally made him realize how much he f***ed up. I ended up making us dinner on my birthday, the only day where I think I deserve a break from cooking. Sorry rambling) I guess I just don't know what to do. Leave him be? Try to talk to him? Help me feel like I'm not going crazy

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[takingandsending]

Hey, Marvis.

Dryer sheets? How could you? 

Birthdays/holidays are hard around pwBPD. My S9 had a nice birthday last weekend because his BPD mom was off on a personal retreat. It was a low key, hang out and watch movies and eat popcorn sort of day. It convinced me that, for now, I am better off celebrating holidays and birthdays without my wife. She has an open invitation to participate as she wants (provided it is not harmful), but no expectations. Seems to work better that way for both of us, for now.

There's no point in trying to figure out why they get upset. Acknowledge that they are upset and let them do the figuring out ... .or not, as the mood takes them.

I think that's the best you can do under the circumstances.

[Marvis]

I know, I know, I'm a terrible person for not knowing we were out of dryer sheets, and also not being able to read minds. Bad girlfriend   I figure all I can really do at this point is leave him be to sort things out. I'm sure he'll come around but I just hope it's not in an even more negative  way . Positive thoughts though, I mustn't manifest negativity.

[takingandsending]

I often think I could write a pretty funny book about all the goofy things I have done in my marriage to try to make sense of something that just doesn't make sense. But having lived through it for 17 years, the funniness is starting to lose its luster. 

Hang in there. Maybe he will come down after his birthday is over. At least he didn't claim you poisoned him by using ... .organic cane sugar (the horror!) in his cake batter.

[sadeyes]

Hi, my name is sadeyes, and I forget dryer sheets too.

I find it funny (you know laugh or cry kinda thing) that mine is the same way. He has a unspoken/unwritten/ever-changing list of things that I am always supposed to make sure he always has & never runs out of

[Marvis]

Hi, my name is sadeyes, and I forget dryer sheets too.

I find it funny (you know laugh or cry kinda thing) that mine is the same way. He has a unspoken/unwritten/ever-changing list of things that I am always supposed to make sure he always has & never runs out of

We should start a support group for the forgetful/non-mind reading SO's of the world, we'd all forget to go to meetings though. Mine threw $30 at me the other day screaming about how he never  wants to run out(he still had plenty, wasn't out) of dried fruit again and that I have to buy 5 of each next time I go shopping. Um... .ok, didn't know you were out, how's about ya tell me you're low. It's frustratingly funny, that's for sure. I love him to death but goodness me, you aren't going to die because you're low on craisins. They really are like 3 year olds sometimes aren't they?

[Marvis]

I often think I could write a pretty funny book about all the goofy things I have done in my marriage to try to make sense of something that just doesn't make sense. But having lived through it for 17 years, the funniness is starting to lose its luster. 

Hang in there. Maybe he will come down after his birthday is over. At least he didn't claim you poisoned him by using ... .organic cane sugar (the horror!) in his cake batter.

I was going to make him a raw vegan cranberry "cheesecake ". Bought all the ingredients, he then threw EVERYTHING away while I was at work. Raw cashews and almonds aren't cheap. That's when I knew the birthday-boycott was in effect. He's jokingly asked me if I've poisoned him before, I tell him I'm too stupid to even know how, which to be honest is very true plus I have zero interest in hurting any living creature. He knows this but his brain wants to tell him his stomach hurts not because he ate too much or too quickly, but because his girlfriend of 10 years tried to poison him. That's where the logic goes out the window.

[sadeyes]

Hi, my name is sadeyes, and I forget dryer sheets too.

I find it funny (you know laugh or cry kinda thing) that mine is the same way. He has a unspoken/unwritten/ever-changing list of things that I am always supposed to make sure he always has & never runs out of

We should start a support group for the forgetful/non-mind reading SO's of the world, we'd all forget to go to meetings though. Mine threw $30 at me the other day screaming about how he never  wants to run out(he still had plenty, wasn't out) of dried fruit again and that I have to buy 5 of each next time I go shopping. Um... .ok, didn't know you were out, how's about ya tell me you're low. It's frustratingly funny, that's for sure. I love him to death but goodness me, you aren't going to die because you're low on craisins. They really are like 3 year olds sometimes aren't they?

Yes they are. He fusses at me because he says I don't remember to get things he asks me for. My plan to implement in a couple of weeks is to put a "shipping list" tearpad on the fridge. I am going to pick a day & say I will shop for the list on Wed or whatever. Then, I can make sure to get anything he has added. If that's not fast enough he can go by himself to get it. I am hoping this will help me remember (I can get a little forgetful especially when things are tense), but will also remove the need for me to read his mind. I can position it that it will help ME remember rather than avoid me.having to read his mind