Reversing the discard

[Craydar]

Once you've been painted black and discarded, what are some of the best ways to get the pwBPD to reverse their view of you and paint you white again and want to be with you?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ColdEthyl]

Hmmm... .I'm not exactly sure how to answer that. The question doesn't seem appropriate. DO you mean how do you get them out of their dysregulation? Or are you actually wanting to be idolized?

[Craydar]

ColdEthyl,

I reworded my question to be a little clearer, i think. Basically looking for a way back into my uxBPDgf's life.

[Olinda]

Why? Just curious. Might help you clarify for yourself your own expectations out of this person and this relationship.

[Craydar]

She's undiagnosed and I'm struggling with the idea that I'm not to blame

[maxsterling]

I know how it feels to be thrown away so easily, but sadly to say there really is nothing you can do to get re-included in her life.  BPD is what it is (diagnosed or not), and she is who she is.  In the case of BPD, you are likely painted black for reasons beyond your control, and that means being painted white is beyond your control.  You can't control how she feels about you, and trying to control that will only bring you more heartache.  I hate to say it, but my best suggestion is to do your best to take care of yourself, enjoy life, and if she contacts you again, move on from there. 

[ColdEthyl]

You are not to blame. I suggest also reading through all the material on this site so you can get a better idea of what BPD is, and how to handle a relationship with her if that's what you want.

She's undiagnosed and I'm struggling with the idea that I'm not to blame

[enlighten me]

Its taken a while but im painted white again by my ex wife. What did I do you ask. Nothing.

I didnt rise to her provecations. Engage her in conversation. Or slate her to our children.

I have done a couple of things to help her mum out but I didnt go out of my way to do it and tgey were no big deals.

what added is her new husband is now painted black.

ive no desire to get back with her.