BPD hanging out with another BPD

[Loosestrife]

Hi my BPDp has developed a friendship with another BPD and currently going through idealisation stage, should I be worried? Has anyone had any experience of this?

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[tjay933]

that sounds scary to me 

wonder which one of them will flip first? wonder what a rage-athon of two would really look like. be sure to record it if you are there-very rare event I'd imagine.

[ColdEthyl]

My H recently reconnected with his son who shows BPD traits. At first, it was the typical painting white. Now, he's being pretty critical of him, and makes comments about his behaviors... .some of which the exact behaviors he does.

It's going to be interesting to see how all of this ends up. As of right now, we see them about once a month, and he does not talk to him on the phone. If there was any more contact than that I'm sure my H will try to NC them.

[Oooohm]

Short answer:  Yes... .and No

My uBPDw is currently in the Idealization phase with her 4th BPD "friend" in 30 years. I think it happens more often than we as "Nons" may think. It is obvious to me she has "difficulty" cultivating friendships with normal functioning emotionally regulated people because we are "Too slow to connect emotionally unless sex is involved" (Remember the start of yours and all of our relationships with our BPDSO... .Fireworks !) and there is a fear on her part of being "found out" (Part of me believes she is, on some level, self aware).

pwBPD "pull" each other in... .  In the short term (1month to 1year) it has been actually good for my wife (Like taking a hard look in the mirror). Longer term it is an absolute train wreck. Effecting not just them but both families, Kids, Mutual friends, Etc.

Fortunately it ends quickly because both of their "defenses" kick in and what was a Rare Earth Magnet "Pull" becomes a mutual "Push" with neither wanting anything to do with the other ever again.  Makes for a little bit of entertainment in a small town at the local Pub on Friday night... .

Good Luck.

[Infern0]

The BPD in my life has a dxHPD friend.

Its a weird friendship that one or the other seems to always split the other one, but after a few weeks they are best friends again, they vary between "love you so much babe" to "your a selfish b___ I hate you" to "love you 4ever babe"

It's quite entertaining to watch sometimes, and half the time I can't keep up with if they love or hate each other, but belive it or not they are the closest friend either has and they have been friends for about 10 years.

[maxsterling]

I've seen my wife blow up with at least two BPD friends.  It gets REAL ugly. 

And as a third party, it's kinda eerie seeing each accuse the other of being exactly how they claim the other to behave. 

[Loosestrife]

Thanks. I was more worried that they might become intimate as they spend a lot of time o the phone etc talking about how sensitive they both are and how none else can understand . They obviously both have a lot in common, but you're right - 2 unhealthy people is only a recipe for disaster. I will keep quiet and watch from a safe distance! 

[Notwendy]

Intimate- like as in sexual?  I don't think we can really prevent our SO's from having any kind of intimate r/s, sexual or not. That depends on their decision. However, I think we can say that two people with a tendency towards instable r/s are not likely to have a stable one.

It's interesting that you mention this because a female aquaintance of mine tends to form quick bonds with other women- and for a time, they are inseparable. Then there is a split and they intensly dislike each other after that. The bonds are not sexual. They are straight, married women, but they seem to have serial and unstable close exclusive friendships.

My mother, who has BPD, has one lifelong friend who also possibly has BPD. I don't know her well enought for certain, but she has issues with alcohol and anxiety. The two of them will go up and down with each other- I know there are times my mother has refused to speak to her, but then, in a second, it is all over and they are fine. I think they have a true sense of comitment to the friendship and can even forgive the other because they do "get" each other. The friendship is not sexual and each of them remained married.

[maxsterling]

Oh - don't discount that the relationship could become close/intimate and/or sexual.  That was my wife's pattern (before she met me) with men or women.  She would have sex with people as she thought that was the way to be closer friend and/or not lose someone.  Then the push/pull would start, and things would get ugly.