should I be concerned by two year olds behaviour.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My son is nearly two and this weekend he did something that has worried me.

I have a mole on my arm which he plays with. Its almost a comfort thing for him. This itself didnt worry me but what has is this weekend he said "mummy, booby" then tried to suckle my mole.

He was breast fed but was weaned ages ago. I have often seen him try and put his hand down his mums top and she always stops him.

Am I being over concerned? Is this normal for a two year old? Or is there something else going on. My ex has a weird relationship with her kids where she often lets them sleep with her.

Any insight appreciated.

[enlighten me]

My son is nearly two and this weekend he did something that has worried me.

I have a mole on my arm which he plays with. Its almost a comfort thing for him. This itself didnt worry me but what has is this weekend he said "mummy, booby" then tried to suckle my mole.

He was breast fed but was weaned ages ago. I have often seen him try and put his hand down his mums top and she always stops him.

Am I being over concerned? Is this normal for a two year old? Or is there something else going on. My ex has a weird relationship with her kids where she often lets them sleep with her.

Any insight appreciated.

[Mike-X]

I think that a little more background would be helpful. My thought is that it is not unusual, and from what I understand co-sleeping is not unusual either. However, of course, I don't know your wife or the details of your situation. Has she show other behaviors that concern you?

[enlighten me]

Its my exgf. Her other children d11 s8 still share a bed with her. She used to treat her older son like her perfect man. Always complimenting him on how sweet and caring he was then making a comment how all men should be like this. She also had a weird almost incestuous relationship with her brother where she would set him up with her friends and try and get them to sleep with him.

Its all little things but it never felt quite right. Even down to discussing her daughter growing pubic hair in front of me and her friend and in front of the daughter. I dont know there just seems to be boundary issues.

Im not saying she is doing anything incestuous but it wouldnt suprise me if she still let him suckle as a comfort thing for both of them.

[vortex of confusion]

How long ago is ages ago? How old was he when he weaned?

Breastfeeding a child under the age of two is perfectly normal. Some kids are breastfed even longer than that.

How long have you and your ex been separated? Is there anything else going on in the child's life?

[enlighten me]

He was weaned at about one. He went onto follow on milk and has been on cows milk for around six months.

We split up about a year ago. The only thing that I know has happened is a pet died.

[vortex of confusion]

I wouldn't be too worried about it the booby comment. A kid that is breastfed makes those kinds of comments from time to time. They can be alarming to people that have never been around that sort of stuff. If it is the booby comment in conjunction with other factors, then it might be helpful to look for other signs.

If you are worried, watch for other signs like knowing too much about some stuff. Listen to the vocabulary that he uses. You know this person better than anyone.

[enlighten me]

Thanks vortex. This is the first time he did this. I have seen him with his hand down his mums top and some of the times she didnt twig at first and made a fuss about him doing it which seemed OTT.

It may just be my upbringing that makes somethings seem inapropriatw.

If youve ever seen Little Britain you will know the bitty sketches. If not google It. For some reason I pictured her eldest being like it. Dont know why but if I saw one of those sketches when I was with my ex I would think of her son.

[Mike-X]

Boundary issues seem common with BPD. What is your visitation arrangement? Co-parenting is tough. I have pretty much given up on actual co-parenting with my ex wife. She was combative over pretty much everything, much like when we were married. So I just do my best to have a positive influence and loving times with my son when I have him.

[enlighten me]

I have him every wednesday and every other weekend.

I suppose my concern is how he will grow up. Whether he will take up her innapropriate behaviour as normal. I dont just mean the subject of the thread but her other behaviours.

I have two other boys with my ex wife who I also suspect is BPD and they are doing well and I have managed to be a strong Influence on them. My exgf on the other hand is very influencing. Her other children show strange traits and i would put money on her daughterr being borderline.

[Mike-X]

I have him every wednesday and every other weekend.

I suppose my concern is how he will grow up. Whether he will take up her innapropriate behaviour as normal. I dont just mean the subject of the thread but her other behaviours.

I have two other boys with my ex wife who I also suspect is BPD and they are doing well and I have managed to be a strong Influence on them. My exgf on the other hand is very influencing. Her other children show strange traits and i would put money on her daughterr being borderline.

I have similar worries with my exWife. She doesn't show BPD traits, by the way, but she can be very invalidating.

[scraps66]

The cosleeping is unusual but a common thing with the emotionally needy BPD.  My ex did it and even more when I expressed a concern.  It is how they attempt to fulfill an "intimate" need by using the children.  From this a child can develop this neediness as well.  It's bad.  I see the effects in part with my S10 who has significant emotional issues.

[livednlearned]

enlighten me,

This particular behavior can be viewed as worrying in the context of other patterns and known BPD behavior, the emotional neediness that scrapps66 refers to.

BPD impacts everyone in the family, so the kids will likely struggle with their mom's behavior, trying to sort out what is normal or not normal as they get older. I found it helped to see a therapist myself so that I could work through my concerns and come up with a plan for dealing with whatever was bugging me.

I look at it like we (people coparenting with BPDs) have three options. We can control our own behaviors, thoughts, and reactions -- that's one option. The other option is to learn how to raise emotionally resilient kids (validation, boundaries, problem-solving, etc. in Lesson 5 to the right ----> The third option is going to court to try and limit custody.

I've had to do all three options at once. Sometimes I've had to put significant effort into the second option, and get professionals involved to help S13. Everything seems to work best when I'm in therapy and have someone skilled I can talk to about what worries me.

On its own, your son's behavior doesn't seem too strange. In the context of having a BPD mother, he is likely primed for some dysfunctional behaviors.

How did you respond when he made the comment?

[Turkish]

I can see how that would be concerning, em. The kids' mom breast fed until 6 months. When S5 was S3 (we were all still together), he tried to suckle mine when I had my shirt off. It freaked me out! I just had to tell him that it was inappropriate and he never tried again (though having an irreverent sense of humor, I think he liked that I got upset because it was funny to him).

I think since your son isn't even 2, it's something that isn't out of the ordinary. Just monitor it.