I am glad that your therapy is going well.
Taking care of yourself is the first step in improving your relationship. It is hard to make things work when we are not as mentally strong as we could be.
He went to therapy at the advice of our marriage counselor for 2 months and came home declaring he had finished therapy. His issues were resolved and the problems were mine to sort out.
His behaviors, blaming, rages, boundary violations, continue.
I sure as you know, 2 months of therapy does not fix a live long pattern of behavior. I can understand how frustrating coping with that type of behavior is, especially knowing that he was working on it, but quit therapy.
Have you brought up him quitting therapy with your marriage counselor?
Specifically, I find his inability to recognize me as a person outside of himself to be difficult. He expects intense emotional connection, but cannot sustain any kind of mutual and reciprocating relationship.
This is difficult to cope with. I have had issues with this in the past. It feels like our person with BPD (pwBPD) wants the impossible. They want you to give whole heartedly, but cannot reciprocate even a small amount. When my pwBPD has done this, it made me feel like I was expected to be a robot, with no emotions or feelings.
For very long time, even with the knowledge of BPD, I still tended to view my pwBPD as a "non-disordered person." My own mentality made me keep setting up to fail. After learning about BPD and truly accepting the disorder, I started lowering my expectations a bit.
His emotional over-reaction is very difficult as well. I'm not sure how to stop making things worse. Do you have insight on that?
The emotional overreaction can be intense. Unfortunately, the inability to regulate or control emotions is at the core of the disorder.
Reading and learning about how and why your husband behaves in a certain way truly helps. The lessons on the right are a fantastic place to start.
