She is getting married and moving in already

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This may be a vent but... .

My lawyer just called me that my ex has petitioned to move, in with her FIANCE, to be married in august... .

it hasnt even been a year yet... .our daughter still talks about and questions our split! I feel like this is going to have a huge impact on our daughter, or am i just over thinking this?

Thoughts

[m-and-m]

This may be a vent but... .

My lawyer just called me that my ex has petitioned to move, in with her FIANCE, to be married in august... .

it hasnt even been a year yet... .our daughter still talks about and questions our split! I feel like this is going to have a huge impact on our daughter, or am i just over thinking this?

Thoughts

[livednlearned]

Hi m-and-m,

Oof. That is a hard blow. Can you remind us what age your daughter is? She will likely continue to show signs of psychological/emotional stress. Have you looked at this article on typical reactions of kids to divorce? This might help you understand how stress shows up in kids (it apparently differs by age). How well she adjusts will depend a lot on how you guide her through this, like validating any feelings she may have. That can be hard when/if the kids (especially younger kids) start to show signs of bonding to the other partner.

When my ex began dating, it seemed to stabilize him. Unfortunately (in some ways, not in others), that didn't happen until year 4 post-divorce. I think the axe swings both ways when a new person shows up. If the new guy is a decent stable person, he may provide some level of protection.

I'm sorry this is coming up so early. It is a kick in the gut at the relationship level, and a second one when there are kids involved. How are you holding up?

[m-and-m]

she is four.

Yes, it is a kick to the gut for sure. i am racing with emotions right now... .I don't even know how to process it.

I have never met the guy, so fingers crossed he is good, and good to my daughter. A few days ago she told me she likes him, then asked me if i like him... .I simply said I didnt know him. I just really fear how this will effect my daughter... .maybe its just the fear of not knowing. I mean less than a year! d@mn.

[Turkish]

Hello m-and-m,

I am in a similar situation. My Ex moved out last Feb, and just got married and moved her "new" husband in (though she introduced him to the kids right away after she moved out). It's definitely a tough situation to be in. You did the right thing by validating your daughter's feelings and also telling the truth. I've had to bite my tongue over the past year when the kids mention the Other Man. My T said that I could also say "I don't like OM either," if the kids said so. Since they haven't to me, I don't. I usually brush off such comments and focus on the three of us and what we're doing at the time. It seems to help.

Turkish