Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 26, 2024, 02:21:52 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
He really likes to mystify things
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: He really likes to mystify things (Read 382 times)
misuniadziubek
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
He really likes to mystify things
«
on:
June 17, 2015, 05:14:56 PM »
I noticed that when talking about our relationship my BPDbf tends to make these really extreme magical expressions of what our relationship is.
He sent me a song that pretty much discusses enmeshment.
And it's like, I don't see it that way. Relationships are not mystical magical things. They are work. They are commitment. They are passionate as a result of our personal needs and having someone create a chemical reaction in your head.
I don't want the enmeshment or the codependency. He messaged me that he's upset and I wanted to fix it instantly. Then I remembered that it's not my purpose. I can validate. I can't fix. He can fix.
He says we have an amazing connection, that I'm his number one. That we are a unit, a team. On each other's side.
Yes it sounds wonderful. I can be his emotional support. But it's also just words. If we want things to get better, that will require work. He's somewhat trying. He looked up effective cg communication strategies and then poked and prodded at each time I broke a rule, completely ignoring his own 'inflammatory remarks'.
Our relationship isn't a fairy tale gone wrong.
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
vortex of confusion
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #1 on:
June 17, 2015, 07:44:42 PM »
I can relate to this.
It is difficult to explain to my husband that our relationship isn't some kind of magical thing.
He has said some of the following in various forms:
"you really do complete me."-- Sorry dude, we don't complete each other. We are each unique individuals. Two people should compliment each other, NOT complete each other. I am a whole person with or without our relationship.
"I see you as my higher power."--This one is just plain creepy! I tried to tell him one time that I do NOT want to be anybody's higher power. yes, I will support him and help him but I am NOT a friggin' God.
"We were meant for each other. I don't think anybody else would put up with either of us." --Um, okay. A lot of people put up with me and seem to enjoy my company. I bought into that for a while. I have tried to redirect it and say something along the lines of, "Um, that is a bit irrelevant. I chose you and I will continue to choose you."
There was a time when I thought that kind of stuff was cute and romantic. Now, I find it annoying and creepy.
Logged
Jessica84
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 940
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #2 on:
June 18, 2015, 03:34:21 AM »
The idealization/devaluation phases are both mystical to me and hell to experience. Just when you get used to being the princess on a pedestal, they throw a bucket of water on us to melt our witchy selves. Goddess one second, creature from hell the next. Neither of these reflect the truth or reality of us or our relationships. All good or all bad, and subject to change at any given moment.
We're all mere mortals, capable of good and evil and everywhere in between, with strengths and weaknesses and our own unique disturbing and wonderful nonsense.
Not black, not white, grey! I wish they could see in GREY!
Logged
mindwise
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 65
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #3 on:
June 18, 2015, 04:16:18 AM »
Same here. My BPDgf says things like "You are my god" or "You are my divine brother", "We are in the path of becoming saints", etc.
Tonight she had a nightmare and as we woke up she started talking about "superior universes".
I am ok with mysticism and spirituality but have to remind her daily that we are a couple of adults in a relatiosnhip.
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #4 on:
June 18, 2015, 05:00:24 AM »
"Bonded at the hip" is what I get told. I simply clarify that I am an individual sharing my life with someone, I am not grafted to anyone.
How can you be "one" with someone who doesn't really know who they are themselves. I guess thats why being at one with you gives them a point of reference.
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
misuniadziubek
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #5 on:
June 18, 2015, 05:21:39 AM »
Quote from: waverider on June 18, 2015, 05:00:24 AM
"Bonded at the hip" is what I get told. I simply clarify that I am an individual sharing my life with someone, I am not grafted to anyone.
How can you be "one" with someone who doesn't really know who they are themselves. I guess thats why being at one with you gives them a point of reference.
Yeah you know, thinking about it, how can you be a unit with someone. He says he is in a until with his best friend too.
It's more or less a person who sticks by for years rather than a few months and understands and puts up with him. I'm sure I work hard at being a good partner to him and he appreciates it but there is no unit. Just two people in a meaningful relationship. Life is less scary with me around because I have a sense of self.
Logged
enlighten me
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3289
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #6 on:
June 18, 2015, 05:29:02 AM »
I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #7 on:
June 18, 2015, 06:19:46 AM »
Quote from: enlighten me on June 18, 2015, 05:29:02 AM
I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.
Black and white thinking needs conclusions not open ended speculation. magical thinking creates that delusional end place making it appear achievable and desirable. The alternative is hopelessness and depression.
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
misuniadziubek
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
Re: He really likes to mystify things
«
Reply #8 on:
June 18, 2015, 09:08:46 AM »
Quote from: waverider on June 18, 2015, 06:19:46 AM
Quote from: enlighten me on June 18, 2015, 05:29:02 AM
I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.
Black and white thinking needs conclusions not open ended speculation. magical thinking creates that delusional end place making it appear achievable and desirable. The alternative is hopelessness and depression.
Waverider, my BPDbf couldn't have put that last sentence better than that...
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
He really likes to mystify things
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...