Mutual friend can help us reconcile?

[shatra]

Hi

I am currently on a break with my pwBPD. He has a friend who I have met a few times---the friend lives in a different country and will be coming to our area for a sports event next month, and he's staying at my BP's apartment. 

   I wonder if the friend (who wants me to reconcile with my partner) or the pwBPD will contact me about the event... .and I wonder if it's a good idea or not for me to reach out to the friend or to the pwBPD about this event... .wonder if anyone has had a 3rd person step in to attempt a recycle...

Shatra

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

I don't think it would be wise to try to get a friend to help you reconcile.

That is triangulation and it might also backfire. It would stink to get a mutual friend involved and have it lead to one or both of you losing that friend.

What is it that you are wanting this friend to do? What do you think this friend can do that the two of you can't do on your own?

If you want to reach out, reach out the pwBPD.

If you want to reach out to the friend, keep the friend out of your relationship with the pwBPD. The more people you involve in your relationship, the more opportunity there is for misunderstanding and messiness.

[formflier]

If you want to reach out, reach out the pwBPD.

Involving someone else... .especially someone relatively new to the situation... .is a bad idea.

I can't think of any stories right now where this has worked out well... .

VOC is right on point... .if you want to reach out... .do it. 

FF

[shatra]

Hi

  Thanks for your input---I won't reach out... .please see my post on reach-out backfiring on this board

Shatra