At a loss...

[Dreadful Delight]

I've joined here not too long ago and have finally been able to carve out some time to browse through the site.  We will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary this week.  But this time of year is always hard for the spouse.  It seems that it's a seasonal thing that summer always seems to be when the serious ___ storms happen.  Most of the information that I've read has reminded me of continuing what I'm doing.  But what do you do when what you've been doing doesn't work any more, or when the SO's emotional state is so rampant that even therapy is hard to get to.  Not only has he been diagnosed with BPD, but also Bipolar 2, and several anxiety disorders, which includes agoraphobia. He has lost faith in the system, and I think that some of it stems from the information out there where examples of where therapists and insurance won't touch or go near those diagnosed with BPD.  So what direction should we take? We were going to take steps to get him on disability, but his line of thinking is that it's the same thing as being institutionalized.  I know it's the BPD talking, but I don't know where to go from here... .I feel like I'm rambling right now and not making much sense either.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ptilda]

Welcome! I'm new too (a couple of months) and part of my self-assigned therapy includes browsing these message boards, posting regularly (sometimes 2 or 3 posts a day depending on what's happening), and responding to other posts. This last part is important because it helps to connect me to the community, give support to others going through similar things, and helps me process what is being discussed.

It would be helpful to have a bit of clarification. Is your spouse in therapy now? You might want to seek out some support groups of people dealing with mental illness. Being around people who are at different stages of their "wholeness" might help to show him that it's a process?

Another thing, don't underestimate the power of spiritual support. I don't know your beliefs, but being part of a prayer group or women's group can be a powerful thing. Having people YOU can confide in will help you to find your center.

And now I'm rambling too! Welcome

[Dreadful Delight]

We were both in therapy for awhile, and then he dropped out and wanted to continue on a more self help path.  When he was diagnosed with BPD, he kind of freaked out because he read a few articles that stated that a some therapists won't help treat those with Bpd and even some insurance companies won't cover therapy for those diagnosed with BPD.  I'm still in therapy, and recently emailed my therapist stating that I would love to be pointed in a direction for group support as well as assistance with fact finding for disability for him.  Well, not so much fact finding as much as the need for assistance in walking through the whole process.  Then it's getting him to accept that maybe he needs to get on it  and that it's not the end of his life as he knows it.  He already feels guilty over the fact that I'm the financial breadwinner and can't contribute, but as anyone knows anything about BPD, that can be difficult to do find a job and keep one if you haven't worked in awhile.

I'm not a part of a church group, the reasoning is that the churches both of us grew up in were a major contributing factor of messing with our heads, particularly his. He got the worst treatment of the two of us.  I'm not knocking it, but it's a trigger thing.  I'm currently revamping my spiritual belief system, so I'm not sure where/how I should pursue that avenue.  It's why I joined this forum so that I can at least get some of that.

[ptilda]

That "breadwinner" thing was a huge trigger for my H as well. It's a guy thing, and perfectly normal for them to want to provide for their families.

I can understand the feelings about church. You're certainly not the only people to be more damaged than healed by the church. It's an unfortunate struggle for those of us sincerely reaching out in love from the church. I've actually been sitting in on the AA meetings held at my church (not affiliated with the church) as a "supporter" because it's a good place to open up about struggles with life in general, without judgement. There should be more groups like this for things other than addition.