How long ago was "You know in August I’m planning to have daughters birthday out there with a bouncy castle so it will need to be gone by then"? Is there a chance he just forgot? My pwBPD is constantly preoccupied by the latest crisis, fight with family, perceived persecution, etc so she has a lot of trouble remembering things she needs to do.
It was April when I said that to him. I know he didn't forget because periodically he'd say "I really need to get that scrap sorted don't I?' ... .and then promptly get back to his XBox.
Maybe I'm just making a big deal about the 'disappointment' thing but I do find that unsettling. It is truly as if until I say the magic words "I'm disappointed" he doesn't fully get himself into gear.
I should add this isn't the first (and sure won't be the last) situation where this has occurred. In the past I would bring it up again and again trying to get him to do what he said he would do. That didn't work for us at all. I remember when we were trying to sell our old house and the kitchen needed tiling - he said he would do it, I asked him every day to do it, in the end I tiled that kitchen myself the day before someone was coming to view it and he moaned and whinged about my tiling skills for ages... . I just smiled and said "At least I did it"!
Since then he will actually eventually do what he said he will do but it seems only when timing is right down to the wire or I say "I'm disappointed".
I feel a lot of judgement attached to 'I'm disappointed'... .I think that's my upbringing though. Maybe dBPDh doesn't hear judgement attached to that statement at all and it's just my perception. I might ask him about it if the time ever feels right for such a question.
I suppose to me 'I'm angry' or 'I'm upset' sound less judgmental than 'I'm disappointed' but I don't know why... .
Thanks for the input folks.