I don't show it, but. . .

[Depression = 72% of members]

You are not a problem, you are a work in progress as we all are. This is just a hurdle you yet have to conquer.

We can all spout the correct advise, but don't fool yourself few of us live up to our own advise a lot of the time, it is just a goal to head for. Knowing what your are trying to achieve is half the battle.

It takes time, awareness of the issue initially makes it seem a bigger problem than when you were ignorant of the issue. Now you have put your finger on it you can start to massage it away slowly.

We have to learn to self soothe too.

[waverider]

You are not a problem, you are a work in progress as we all are. This is just a hurdle you yet have to conquer.

We can all spout the correct advise, but don't fool yourself few of us live up to our own advise a lot of the time, it is just a goal to head for. Knowing what your are trying to achieve is half the battle.

It takes time, awareness of the issue initially makes it seem a bigger problem than when you were ignorant of the issue. Now you have put your finger on it you can start to massage it away slowly.

We have to learn to self soothe too.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

.I'm struggling with how VOC could at least make it more difficult for her hubby to take her for granted... .

You can't and whether he is or isn't taking her for granted, his actions will be the same, the only difference is his guilt factor which could flow onto other consequences

Really, I don't think his thoughts or feelings really enter into the equation at all. One of the things that I have been doing is moving away from worrying about what he is or isn't thinking or feeling. Whether or not he is or isn't taking me for granted is irrelevant. I am trying to focus on MY feelings and MY reactions. I am trying to allow myself to feel whatever it is that arises.

Focusing on whether or not my husband is taking me for granted or feels positive things towards me is a bit irrelevant. That doesn't change how I feel.

By choosing at times not to do these things, so that when she does she can own them as her choice not an obligation, then whether he takes it for granted is of less concern as she is happier to own her choices.

Help me understand this. . .a person can make a deliberate choice and be happy with the choice. However, even if a person is making a choice, there is still the possibility that one might experience negative feelings as a result of the choice. Making a deliberate choice does not automatically equate to everything being roses and sunshine.

[sweetheart]

VOC,

When you wrote 'you are the problem,' I wanted to rush to reply to point out that I don't want you to think/feel like that, i wanted to help you feel better, to find a solution.

I appreciate in doing that I invalidated your feelings, your experience of your life now, but because I can hear how upset and angry and frustrated you sound at the moment I just want to let you know that I am here and I can support you and listen to whatever you need to say.

I'm sorry that things are so raw for you at the moment, the situation with the CPS sounds like it has really floored you, and I understand that I really do.

[123Phoebe]

Help me understand this. . .a person can make a deliberate choice and be happy with the choice. However, even if a person is making a choice, there is still the possibility that one might experience negative feelings as a result of the choice. Making a deliberate choice does not automatically equate to everything being roses and sunshine.

Nope or yep, not everything will be roses and sunshine and that is life.  Accepting life in all its glory and gory goes a long way. 

Sometimes I'll purposely feed into my negative feelings (alone), because it's so not my normal way of being.  And it's like there, I validated myself.  Then miraculously, I'll feel myself coming out of it, yay!

You're doing the right thing by feeling whatever it is you're feeling, my only advice is to not attach a script to those feelings, your body is talking to you.

[waverider]

By choosing at times not to do these things, so that when she does she can own them as her choice not an obligation, then whether he takes it for granted is of less concern as she is happier to own her choices.

Help me understand this. . .a person can make a deliberate choice and be happy with the choice. However, even if a person is making a choice, there is still the possibility that one might experience negative feelings as a result of the choice. Making a deliberate choice does not automatically equate to everything being roses and sunshine.

No a choice wont make things roses but it is more bearable than when it is not your choice and you are also struggling to understand why you are doing something.

[vortex of confusion]

No a choice wont make things roses but it is more bearable than when it is not your choice and you are also struggling to understand why you are doing something.

I am making a deliberate choice to stay.

Most days, I am perfectly clear as to WHY I am choosing to stay. Other days, I have no clue why I am staying.