Daughter w Down syndrome skipping school

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My exw has BPD but does not know or care. She has primary custody of down syndrome daughter three older sibs 18 and up each by 2 years ea. We divorced almost 8yrs ago. I retain all the rights of a father.

My ex  gives lip service to doing and being all things the parent she is told or imagines herself to be and though children like my daughter are more stubborn and difficult to deal with my ex has exhausted the commitments of those who were hired to help her deal. Social workers should know that the problems stem from my ex's not executing plans and her manipulations. The general behavior of people with BPD it is hard to understand why has no official asked me to step in. My daughter has to miss her favorite activities because my ex is not reliable enough to get her to them on time and the co-coordinator end up telling her not to come because it is messing with the other people in the events program.

Beyond a fear of stepping in there is my knowledge of the score with my exw, from the 20 yrs of marriage, that whatever we plan is all talk then all drama and "all my fault".

Many others who have a BPD spouse maybe can point to incidents where their BPD  demonstrated their instability exposaed by events that involved actions taken by law or mental health enforcers but my ex uses her religion as her dramatic excuse for doing what she feels and project onto me whatever evil cause. I don't think American society has an argument for religious nuts

She is quite civil to me, encourages the children to go be with me whenever i am supposed to and any additional time I want. The adult children live with her as little as they can and are well aware of how unreliable she is. They have spent the years When I have not been living across town dealing with a mother her who uses them and takes their money in a reverse parenting life.

I wonder if anyone has real experience co-parenting or knows if I could maybe work with a mediator to convince my ex to reverse the role with me whereas I assume the mortgage again and my ex go live in the crappy apt and pay me child support because with that being said the approach with lawyers wanting the me to have a spacious 3 or 4 bedroom home (with furnishings)  and pay their lawyer fees is not practical.

Is there no point in a BPD's life when the pressure of life humbles them. Is it that BPD is a orphan illness that has not approach to deal with something like this?

True  ... .

I might has posted this as a legal question but

I don't expect that there is a real legal answer except to hire a lawyer and prepare the way lawyers job is made easy for them which just isn't practical besides don't all of us who have lived with this foresee the kind of struggle and the crossed boundaries that would arise in the attempt to force a pwBPD that they are being asked to do something good by being asked to be abandoned ? ( I really couldn't think of a better way to say that than this )

I mean I admit I'm a little crazy but I am Not2crazy to not try to deal with it if I can.

[Not2Crazy]

My exw has BPD but does not know or care. She has primary custody of down syndrome daughter three older sibs 18 and up each by 2 years ea. We divorced almost 8yrs ago. I retain all the rights of a father.

My ex  gives lip service to doing and being all things the parent she is told or imagines herself to be and though children like my daughter are more stubborn and difficult to deal with my ex has exhausted the commitments of those who were hired to help her deal. Social workers should know that the problems stem from my ex's not executing plans and her manipulations. The general behavior of people with BPD it is hard to understand why has no official asked me to step in. My daughter has to miss her favorite activities because my ex is not reliable enough to get her to them on time and the co-coordinator end up telling her not to come because it is messing with the other people in the events program.

Beyond a fear of stepping in there is my knowledge of the score with my exw, from the 20 yrs of marriage, that whatever we plan is all talk then all drama and "all my fault".

Many others who have a BPD spouse maybe can point to incidents where their BPD  demonstrated their instability exposaed by events that involved actions taken by law or mental health enforcers but my ex uses her religion as her dramatic excuse for doing what she feels and project onto me whatever evil cause. I don't think American society has an argument for religious nuts

She is quite civil to me, encourages the children to go be with me whenever i am supposed to and any additional time I want. The adult children live with her as little as they can and are well aware of how unreliable she is. They have spent the years When I have not been living across town dealing with a mother her who uses them and takes their money in a reverse parenting life.

I wonder if anyone has real experience co-parenting or knows if I could maybe work with a mediator to convince my ex to reverse the role with me whereas I assume the mortgage again and my ex go live in the crappy apt and pay me child support because with that being said the approach with lawyers wanting the me to have a spacious 3 or 4 bedroom home (with furnishings)  and pay their lawyer fees is not practical.

Is there no point in a BPD's life when the pressure of life humbles them. Is it that BPD is a orphan illness that has not approach to deal with something like this?

True  ... .

I might has posted this as a legal question but

I don't expect that there is a real legal answer except to hire a lawyer and prepare the way lawyers job is made easy for them which just isn't practical besides don't all of us who have lived with this foresee the kind of struggle and the crossed boundaries that would arise in the attempt to force a pwBPD that they are being asked to do something good by being asked to be abandoned ? ( I really couldn't think of a better way to say that than this )

I mean I admit I'm a little crazy but I am Not2crazy to not try to deal with it if I can.

[momtara]

Is there a way to kind of list what you'd want to achieve most? Is it that your Downs syndrome daughter doesn't get to the activities she wants, or doesn't get the right treatments? Or do you want more custody than your wife has? Or is it that you'd like to live in the house and pay less support? What are the most important things that you'd be seeking legally?

If she lets them see you more often, maybe you can take the daughter to those activities more often? I know there's a limit how much you can do if they're frequent activities, but is that a possibility?

[Not2Crazy]

My list is simple, swap places with my ex , take over the job she isn't doing very well. I don't understand why she has not been forced into psychiatric counseling and  before someone charges her with neglect, negligence or one of the many employers who has "let her go" or she quit because "they don't know what they are doing" pursues a suspicion rather than pass her on to the next situation she charms herself into. Do you know how charming a pwBPD can be?

[momtara]

Yes, they are quite charming! That's how they get us. 

It may just look like you want to live in the house and pay less child support, so you will probably have to formulate a more reasoned plan and list more carefully what you want - x amount of parenting time, moving into the house so that you can do x, y and z. I don't know how easily a court would just change the status quo like that if there is no extreme situation, but lawyers would know better. You may be able to make some changes though.