Please help What do I do when I think I am in a relationship with a BPD.

[Lonely babe]

Tuesday was one of those days that I truly regret about how things turned out. I wish I had more compassion for my bf, people tell me that I am just pitying him but in reality I love him very much. I care about him. I constantly give him and us chances to be better because I believe in us. I believe that when he say and do things is out of anger and hurt. What I cant grasp is why does he keep packing his things but now it all make sense to me. I have come to realized that he might have a borderline personality disorder. ( not yet diagnosed and I don't think he's aware of it. It might started when he was an adolescence, associated with poor parenting such as non supportive and verbally abusive that can cause emotional damaging to him. This caused him to be fearful of being abandoned, backed by his journals as he mentioned he is so afraid of losing me that he rather leaves first because he feel soon or later I will leave him anyway. In his texts on Tuesday night he said to me “ I am good, all I have is myself in life in the end n I have been knowing that so thank you for your love and concern but I no longer deserves it”.

Is this is one of they symptoms of BPD, unfortunately his ingrained fear of abandonment can causing him to push away me a way?

I am a bit sick of the accusations that without him I will call another guy to keep me happy, our love is way too deep for me to do such things. I have no idea where he get these illusions. Its like his anger distorts his perceptions.

I only wish I discovered this sooner than now because I could help him cope with emotions, I wouldn’t take his anger outbursts and accusations so personal. I feel like when we fight all his feelings get projected onto me; words and silences are so destructive to my self esteem. After each fight he seems to not really remember what was said and regret all the bad things that was sad. His true self is what keep me fighting for us. I can deal with this sickness if he’s willing to get diagnoses so that we can fight this battle together. It almost seems every beautiful memory is accompanied with a bad fight.

I had said so many hurtful things when I push him to leave- this time I didn't asked him to come back because I was so angry and hurt. I can only pray that GOD is looking out for him and he can find peace within himself. It's been two days since I heard from him. I text

Him saying our love is what keeps us together and a lot of positive things. Do I text him in a few days and and assure if that I still love him and haven't abandons him? I want him to reach out so that we can get professional help. Please advise I am so torn and the guilt is eating me alive because I didn't realize this before our so call fight and break up.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

... .His true self is what keep me fighting for us.

It certainly sounds like BPD.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all the drama.  It truly is damaging to one's self esteem to have the constant barrage of insults and accusations. 

Your statement (above) may be a bit ethereal.  It is difficult to know the "true self" as the BP has little concept of such.  More about this is in the lessons and suggested readings.  The first book I read (came across it at a thrift store totally by accident) was Stop Walking on Eggshells and I'd highly recommend it as a starting point.

Unfortunately, you may not be able to get your bf to agree to therapy, but you can get yourself into a better place mentally and the folks on this site can be comforting while you work on just that.  We can only fix ourselves.

[Lonely babe]

Hello rocky love, I want to thank you for taking your time to respond to me. It means a lot to me. I've been so frustrated with constant fights and insults when he's angry. Today I tried to text him once more since Wednesday with a message like this

"How r u dear? I realized ur ignoring me bc u feel I've abandoned and neglected u. Well, I haven't and I want us to take any drastic measures to get thru this. The family misses u, esp (Mom&Eric)... I want u to know that I love you very much and I am not going to ever leave u and let u go through life alone feeling hopeless. We'll get through this tough times & any challenges that may come our way. Just know that anh... I know u still care and love me too. Please don't push me away anymore. Call me as soon as u can babe."

No response... .He moved to be closer to me, tattoo my name. We spend day and night with each other for the last five months. The longest we ever apart was our first break ( 2 weeks ) and I reached out to say I hope your doing ok.

I am established and still have so much ahead of me, we were suppose to get engage but this constant battle is keeping me from wanting to settle down with him. I can't continue to fight like this with out any feedback. It's not my style and its extreme hurtful and considerate leave me hanging. The last 2 weeks he spent making up to me for his mistakes. Now he's ignoring me. I am so hurt and so ashamed for even reaching out.

An example of his daily journal to me, it's something I had start him working on to communicate with me. ( again I know for sure he doesn't know what BPD is and I know he would go to therapy with me if he respond to me ). There's absolutely nothing in this world he wouldn't do for me when he feel secure about me not leaving him.

His journal two weeks a go... .


An example of what I was saying earlier today Hun.

To my dearest love,

Why do I always disrespect our relationship and love for one another? I don't do it intentionally nor do I mean any of it when I do, so please know that. I do it out of my anger with you but I cause most of the anger upon myself because I am the one that brings you to that point. The most childish thing that I keep doing that angers you most is when I start packing my things and try to leave therefor in results you get abusive with me and in return I retaliate by disrespecting our love because deep down inside I am afraid that you will leave me so I would rather pack and walk so it doesn't happen to me. I am scare to loose you, the person that I adore, cherish and love most in this world.

[Lonely babe]

Continue------