Getting an adult child help

[Highmark]

Hi.  This is my first thread.  I have an adult child with BPD.  She is 27 years old.  We talk constantly about her health and at this stage I'm at a loss on how to help her. 

She has suicide ideation and talks about a disengaged life not worth living.

How do I get her into therapy?

Thanks for any help.

Highmark

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Highmark,

How are you holding up? It's scary to watch our child contemplate suicide and feel hopeless... .

Is she diagnosed? Has she tried therapy in the past?

Getting our adult children into therapy isn't always easy, but there is hope.

The support that comes from family members especially when our child feels suicidal is very important which is good news for your daughter: she has you.

How is your daughter right now, is she safe for the moment?

[Highmark]

Hi pessim-optimist,

Thank you for your response.  I'm holding up but not easy and worry is my companion these days.  She has tried therapy and has been diagnosed within the BPD spectrum.  Given that she is an adult I don't really know that I receive all the information re her diagnosis from her.  She is not in therapy now and feels that it won't help her though that might be a mask of fear and shame. 

It is hard to know what "safe is" when she lives on her own.  She certainly has talked much about life not worth living and about ending it. 

I guess that I'll just continue to talk and learn what I can about BPD but getting her back into therapy is my first priority.

Your note means much.

[pessim-optimist]

We've been there with my step-daughter talking about not wanting to live - it's such a scary place to be - especially when they are adults and live on their own... .

You can only be there for her to the extent that she allows you to be, which is scary AND frustrating.

I guess that I'll just continue to talk and learn what I can about BPD but getting her back into therapy is my first priority.

Being that safe and consistent person in your daughter's life is priceless - there is lots of information here (including articles, workshops and book recommendations).

There are two very good videos by Xavier Amador (a clinical psychologist) about getting our loved ones into therapy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lstn6WNnCRc&list=PL72EA4FADA3E36ECF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxiBgq5G-cI&index=2&list=PL72EA4FADA3E36ECF

Each is 50+mins, but worth watching. He talks about Schizophrenia, but the same principles apply with getting our loved ones w/BPD into therapy.

There is also an article on the same topic which you may have already read:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

[Highmark]

Hi pessim-optimist,

You have been very kind and helpful and I will review the posts that you've given me.  I hope that there is a way to get my daughter help and that she will be brave enough to do it herself.

Highmark

[pessim-optimist]

I hope that there is a way to get my daughter help and that she will be brave enough to do it herself.

Well said... .There ARE success stories out there, there is hope, Highmark.

Keep posting when you feel like sharing or when you have questions. We support each other on the journey.

[Calm Waters]

 :Hi Highmark, are you in the UK or USA, if UK I may be able to help - calm