Hi Barny68,
it is difficult dealing with a spouse with BPD and it can affect yourself much . It is even harder trying to protect others. .
Does anybody have any advice so we are not as affected by our situation?
A lot depends on circumstances e.g. whether your H or son is in therapy. Considering your son is dealing with adhd maybe him having access to an outside anchor may help?
I have found it very hard dealing with my husband who can be very verbally cruel and go into silent sulks with both of us.
The strategies outlined in the LESSONS help dealing with most of this quite effectively when employed consistently. Little tolerance for over the top verbal cruelty and consistent use of boundaries here can stop escalation of abusive behavior in the situation and over time. Validation can help soothing your H but also helping your son to better make sense of own and foreign chaotic and confusing emotions. You can't really stop anyone from sulking but when you start enforcing boundaries your inner attitude will change and it becomes easier to feel in line with reality: It is really his childish problem.
,
a0