Confused about my girlfriend

[Depression = 72% of members]

Approximately 22 days ago I stopped talking to my girlfriend after she had what I think was a BPD outburst.  I went no contact hoping that she would finally get help and go to counseling.  This has been extremely difficult for me.  Its hard to get out of bed.  I went to see her former therapist (which she agreed was ok prior to the break up).  Cant stop obsessing over her.  Im not the typical partner of a BPD but I did allow her to break boundries.  She is an extremely beautiful woman and I think that played a part in it all.  Im trying to stay strong and not call her.  I want her to call me and go get some help for herself.   

[alc]

Approximately 22 days ago I stopped talking to my girlfriend after she had what I think was a BPD outburst.  I went no contact hoping that she would finally get help and go to counseling.  This has been extremely difficult for me.  Its hard to get out of bed.  I went to see her former therapist (which she agreed was ok prior to the break up).  Cant stop obsessing over her.  Im not the typical partner of a BPD but I did allow her to break boundries.  She is an extremely beautiful woman and I think that played a part in it all.  Im trying to stay strong and not call her.  I want her to call me and go get some help for herself.   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hi alc,

What did her former therapist say? Was it helpful?  What was the event which precipitated you going NC?

T

[alc]

Her former therapist told me to make a list of all the pros and cons of the relationship and bring it back on my next visit, which will be in the morning.  I went no contact after she called asking where I was two minutes before hand and being very accusatory.  She breaks up with me every three days.  We haven't went this long apart for awhile and I have tried not to obsess over her but its been very hard. I became very attached to her and her daughter and I miss them both so much.  I wanted her to break NC and agree to go to the counselor.

[Turkish]

i got yeas of issues like this, which was partly fear of me cheating, and partly object constacy isssues and her anxiety about being abandoned or alone. How long has this been going on?

[alc]

we have been together for almost three years. his has been push pull and crazy for almost two.  real bad lately.  what do I do? 

[Turkish]

we have been together for almost three years. his has been push pull and crazy for almost two.  real bad lately.  what do I do? 

alc,

First, take a look at the lessons to the right of the board, particularly the first ones. They will help you understand more about BPD.

By going NC to protect yourself (though you did what you felt was right at the time), this may have triggered her abandonment fears. While a boundary, NC is more of a tool for detachment. Has there been no communication on either side? Maybe a brief text to reach out might be in order. Leaving this in limbo, it will likely remain there. Digest Lesson 3 which covers the communication tools. Armor up with knowledge which can help reduce conflict.