Hello all,
I'm basically at the end of my rope right now dealing with this woman's craziness. I have no idea what is going on, but I feel like I am losing MY mind. About two months ago I began talking to/seeing a woman who works at the same company that I do.
Almost immediately after our initial conversation she begins calling me all the time, texting and emailing non-stop, and acting very interested in me. I usually would never involve myself with someone at my company, but she IS BEAUTIFUL and this abrasive person I had long heard tales about was nowhere in sight, so I foolishly made an exception. Within a few days, at her request, we go out on the first date. I take her to her favorite eatery/bar and all goes quite well... .lots of conversation and we seem to genuinely enjoy each other's company. When dropping her at her home, I make a move to kiss her, and she simply says she does not kiss on the first date. No big deal, I smile and she goes inside. Fast forward one hour - my phone starts blowing up like mad with lingerie pics, compliments, and invitations to spend the night. I go for it... .whoops. Of course, there is intimacy and we have a really good time... .I am also informed that she is recently divorced and introduced to her 5 dogs.
That's about where the new love story ends. The following week there is a major change in her communication - texting and emailing constantly but no more phone calls. Additionally, she informs me that she cannot trust me and begins to freak out over next to nothing. Since the beginning I realized that she views herself as a victim - no one ever helps her, she's poor (this is not true she just spends LIKE CRAZY), she doesn't have a nice enough house, her upbringing was bad etc etc. I think, no big deal, all people have issues and perhaps this girl just has some emotional baggage. I can deal. Well one day she is complaining and I, stupidly, have the audacity to say to her "I'm really sorry you had to go through that, I understand what you're saying. Just know I'll be here for you in anyway that I can". BIG MISTAKE. I was quickly informed that I don't understand and I better not say I do and also that she does not need my sympathy and I'm a jerk. Please understand, everyone always tells me that I am the nicest guy, and that I have a huge heart. To hear that kind of response, and the way it was worded, just seemed kind of vindictive and vicious. This was shocking to my senses I was left trying to understand what possible response I could have otherwise uttered as a concerned person. It actually hurt my feelings. This is just an anecdote this begins to happen all the time and I start to censor my words and think very carefully about my responses. It may also be important to note this person has exactly 0 friends.
I decide okay, maybe this person is just extra sensitive and hasn't been treated very well and needs someone to show up and be kind and stick around through the outbursts. I resolve to do this and more - try and be the person she's never had to give her things and provide for her - dumb. In her daily complaining of relationship week 2, she informs me that her computer has broken and I get my introduction to her obsession with material goods and spending - a pattern eventually emerges where she jumps from one item to another obsessing and saying "I'll never be able to afford it and that she hates her life". She begins obsessively sending me pics and asking questions about new computers. For days, its all that we talk about, but I like computers so I didn't mind. She decides she likes the Surface Pro 3 so, like a fool, I secretly get her the best Surface Pro 4, and give it to her. She is quite grateful and loving and for about a day she's very kind to me. Over the next two months, before I realize the demand list actually has no end and I am not appreciated in any way, I will spend 6k on gifts, necessities, a basement remodel project she commissioned but couldn't afford, and other random items.
Her latest complaint is that no one ever helps her realize her dream of breeding dogs. Apparently, helping her realize this dream involves spending $3500 on a female puppy,
. I agree to this. The most grateful, loving human ever emerges for like two hours. Then it's back to cold and unpredictable moods and treatment. Maybe I'm not explaining this well - there a huge degree of emotional manipulation going on, but I feel like it is much deeper than, for instance, a gold digger or something of that sort. There is no reasoning, rational discussion, or recognizing any of her faults. She changes moods, in the extreme, on a dime and will say very hurtful things. We were supposed to hang out the last two days... .and she ended up not being able to do it. Work, excuses etc. Last night I asked "is everything good with us?" the response came: Seriously? Leave me alone for a few days. WHAT? I have done everything, been super patient, kind, and tolerant of her moods. It seems like each week her moods get a little worse and more frequent, she threatens to ignore me, we speak less, she is colder, and if I hint that things don't seem to be going well she seems truly baffled as to why I am suggesting such a thing. Recently she accused me of only being with her for sex... .which is ludicrous if u know me at all.
Unfortunately, I really care about this person. When I read about BPD tendencies it's like, yep, that's her. I want to be there for her and make her life better if possible. All I want is a little appreciation. Do I just run from this now? Will she seek revenge? Sometime she gets so angry I think she could actually harm me or burn my house down or do something dreadful. Any thoughts would be welcomed and appreciated. I actually am afraid of making the move to breakup because I have no idea what she is capable of. And there is a little nagging voice inside that says it might get better.
