Blah Saturday

[Think About It...]

Okay, think of it this way, since HE was the one to notice the "stomach aches", HE should have made the appointment.  Since HE didn't take the time to make an appointment and take her, HE would be the party responsible for any neglect.  No matter what he might be trying to set you up for, by putting the responsibility onto you for insuring the child seeks medical attention, he is acknowledging that you are the one who handles this sort of thing. 

I'm in the medical field and if my children were not symptomatic in my presence, I would not take them to the doctor.  I would expect their father to do it if they become sick while with him.  Just as I would do if they were sick when with me.

Just my opinion on the matter.

KSM

[Her Mama]

Okay, think of it this way, since HE was the one to notice the "stomach aches", HE should have made the appointment.  Since HE didn't take the time to make an appointment and take her, HE would be the party responsible for any neglect.  No matter what he might be trying to set you up for, by putting the responsibility onto you for insuring the child seeks medical attention, he is acknowledging that you are the one who handles this sort of thing. 

I'm in the medical field and if my children were not symptomatic in my presence, I would not take them to the doctor.  I would expect their father to do it if they become sick while with him.  Just as I would do if they were sick when with me.

Just my opinion on the matter.

KSM

[Jewls]

Great point!

99% of the time, when my D8 has a tummy ache, a bowel movement isn't far away.  It's the first question most moms, especially those of us in the medical field, ask.

[JoannaK]

Jewls, your eventual-ex reminds me so much of my exh, but mine never wrote love notes after we separated, thank heavens.

The combination of an "I will always love you" note and aggressive intrusive behaviors is very scary indeed.  Please be careful.

About your daughter:  If her stomach ache is that bad, he could take her to the ER.  I would agree with telling him clearly, "If her stomach is very painful, you can take her to the ER.  If she is not in great pain, I will make an assessment when I'm with her again."

I am so sorry this absess of a man is about to burst like a bad boil.
 

Yikes, Peace!  What a visual!  (Reminds me of Elphie's ex and the boil on his butt.)

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[csandra]

Jewls, You should review the parallel parenting article again.  This is clearly a case for the parallel parenting.  It's none of his business to tell you what you should do on YOUR parenting time, including how to manage kids' health/well being.

 Your dau is old enough to tell you how she feels, etc.  If he doesn't want to deal with it, he can communicate to dau, "be sure to tell mom if you're not feeling better by tonight", or whatever. 

Unless it is a medical emergency, there really isn't any communication that should be taking place.  I would even have the older ones be in charge of letting him know of school events, etc.

[Jewls]

Stinky likes to plead ignorance when he doesn't know of school events.  The oldest do a good job of telling him.  There is also a school corporation website that posts all events.  There's no excuse.

Yesterday, after everything that has gone on the past few days, D8 is talking with him on the phone about the father/daughter horse camp they are attending this weekend, and he tells her to ask me if I will get driving directions and print them out for him!  He's truly a loon.  No clue.

[kkce967]

He has control issues. My guess is he comes after you when he is feeling out of control of his own life which is probably often. 

My UBPDbf is the same. He also indicated that he was planning on filing neglect charges against me but I did take D to the Dr. just to CYA. There has been no follow through. It was just a strong arm tactic. Just realize SW is bluffing you. You were absolutely correct in sticking to the boundary with D8. No matter what you do, the PD will always insist they can do it better, faster, and with more enthusiasm.

I know that the threats are disconcerting and there is a part nagging in the back of your head wondering if he really CAN get full custody. It's kind of a double edged sword on involving the police but at least you have documentation of all the idiocies. If he's a narcissist as he appears to be, he doesn't see any sort of repercussions as possible because HE IS ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING! Stand back and let him hoist himself by his own petard err.. hang himself by his own noose.

K.

[Mr. M]

He has control issues. My guess is he comes after you when he is feeling out of control of his own life which is probably often. 

My UBPDbf is the same. He also indicated that he was planning on filing neglect charges against me but I did take D to the Dr. just to CYA. There has been no follow through. It was just a strong arm tactic. Just realize SW is bluffing you.

While I agree with your first point, I don't agree with your second.  Don't believe, for one second, that they won't follow through on such a threat.  Mine did and it caused significant disruption to our lives this summer.

What you should do is not say "how high" (as you've said) when they say "jump" - but be prepared for them to follow-through on that threat and be able to defend yourself and/or justify your decision.  If they're not sick, don't take them to the doctor.

[JoannaK]

If you think he might pursue custody, Jewls (unlikely), but you might make sure you have a paper trail.  

You might consider emailing him something as follows:  

If you feel that daughter is ill enough to go to the hospital, please take her to the ER.  If daughter is with me, I will make an assessment as to whether or not she needs medical attention based on any complaints or symptoms I notice.

When she came back to my house this morning (or whenever), she seemed healthy and did not mention her stomach.  She does not require any medical attention at this time.

 

Again, I don't believe he needs an answer, but you don't know what he may be considering.  If he wants you to take her to the doctor in the future, you can say, "Please refer to my email to you of 8/22 which discusses health care."

[kkce967]

Ahh..Mr M. I forgot about your debacle this summer.

Perhaps I should rephrase to "Chances are, he is bluffing"

One member sent me the statutes for my state. I read them. If CPS shows up, they need a warrant to enter. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse them entry and refuse to discuss anything without an attorney present. I learned that the reason they want entry is to GET the probable cause for the warrant. I suppose as all things, it is dependent on the degree of the disorder. My ex does not really want the responsibility of raising a child alone.

K.

[Jewls]

Thanks, JK, I will write up an email that will cover the bases with any health issues that may arise.  If the kids are sick while they're with me, I'll take them to the doctor; if they're sick while with him, he can make that choice.

Stink Weed seems to fit in the same low-life category as Mr. M's ex.  He has already made a call to the police inventing a bogus incident in order to get an officer sent to my house.  The good thing was, when the officer arrived, he witnessed nothing but my D8 and S18 sitting on the couch sharing a plate of pizza rolls, and D8 assuring him she was just fine. 

kk, although the majority of what Stinky and most of our BPs threaten is just a lot of hot air, I will never totally write off what Stinky says he will do.  I just have to be one step ahead of him.

What's reassuring is that I have had two police officers in my house in the past couple months and on both occasions, they were met with a positive, calm atmosphere.  Also, the folks at the police department have SW's number.

With everything that's going on in SW's life, kk, he is losing control at a rapid pace.  I fully expect to be dodging bullets for the next few weeks. 

[doc101]

Ahh..Mr M. I forgot about your debacle this summer.

Perhaps I should rephrase to "Chances are, he is bluffing"

My ex does not really want the responsibility of raising a child alone.

K.

I've wondered the same thing with my X...When do the threats become real? Personally I don't think the threats can be taken lightly mainly because I don't think X is capable of enough rational thought to understand the implications of what she is fighting for...She is obviously not capable of the responsability...she's just too diluded to understand that...so threats of neglect or whatever to "prove" the non's "incompetance to the world" are possibly real...so take whatever precautions necessary to defend the accusations...even better take the offensive role and put the X on the defense

Jewls...as has been stated here by several, please be careful of SW he sounds psychotic and capable of drastic measures...please make sure that you are only "dodging bullets" in a figurative sense

[Jewls]

The literal sense has cross my mind, doc.  He carries a gun in his vehicles.

After everything, when I dropped the girls at his house lat night, he still chose to come to my vehicle to hand me S18's shirt.  He didn't need to.  He could've stayed in the house.  To me, he pushes the boundaries about as far as they can go.  I think from now on, the exchanges will take place at the sheriff's department parking lot.

[doc101]

sounds like a good idea to me...SW at the local PD...sounds great in fact...even better would be seeing his sorry ass locked up in the local PD

[Jewls]

That could happen soon enough.  Local investigator is very interested in SW's harassing texts.  I meet with him Monday.

[csandra]

Does Sheriff's department know that he carries a gun, ie is he licensed ?  Seems like the combination of gun plus violation of restraining order should have some kind of impact.  Also, aren't there rules about having unlocked guns around children ? 
Many years ago, I was helping my aunt get back into bed (she was terminally ill).  I looked up to see my cousin's 5 yr old pointing a loaded shotgun at me(they kept it under the bed).  Also, I remember 2 families that I babysat for tell me where the gun was located "in case I got scared".  Can you believe it ?

[Jewls]

He does have a license to carry a gun.

Here's what's highly unsettling.  Over the years, SW accumulated quite an extensive gun collection, mostly handguns.  He wasn't a hunter.  He would leave his loaded handgun laying around on the kitchen counter, nightstand, dresser, etc.  When I would walk into a room and see one, my heart would jump into my throat and I would put the gun up immediately (we had a gun safe).  I would then remind SW of the importance of putting away his guns:  our children plus the children's friends.  He would tell me to loosen up and relax and dismiss me.

Before I typed this, I sat down my D8 and again reminded her to NEVER touch one of her father's guns no matter what and if she saw one laying around, to tell her father to put it away immediately.  I stressed how dangerous they were.  I plan on having this talk frequently.  Ugh...

OMG, csandra, how scary!