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Author Topic: I'm so depressed and scared. . . for my son  (Read 694 times)
amazed
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« on: June 18, 2008, 03:51:10 AM »

My husband is BPD and I just discovered what the full significanc of the disorder is.  We're moving right now because he's been unemployed for the last six months and now we can't afford our home.  I'm virtually suicidal.  I've been thinking about it more and more every day.  My son is my life saver.  He was here before the relationship that im in now with my husband.  My son is five and he was almost three when I got married to my husband.  It's been a hellacious three years and I'm worried he's going to teach my son that it's okay to treat people the way he treats me.  Any advice? cry
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PDQuick
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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2008, 06:29:08 AM »

Hi Amazed, first of all, if you are feeling suicidal, you need to seek out professional help. This situation is temporary, believe it or not. You have the choice to do what you think is right reguarding your husband and your son. There are so many options, and so many things you can do.
Education is an important thing first off. Im sure this is all a shock to you. Slow down, breathe, and relax. Lets get you educated on what it is your husband may have, ok? Then we can help you make the best decision for you and your son.

Why dont you tell us a bit more about your situation with him.
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This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board.
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
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« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2008, 07:22:33 AM »

You have a child who desperately needs his mother...please, for his sake, get some help...therapy can work wonders.

You are making steps at understanding this illness and what you are and have been dealing with...take some solace in that...knowledge is power and you can be one of the most powerful beings on the planet...you're a mother after all!

My advice, get yourself into therapy, breathe, start thinking about what will be the best thing for you and your little boy...

If it has gotten physical, get away from this guy...no one deserves to be abused in any way shape or form and you are right in being concerned that your son will learn from his behaviors...teach your son that you know you deserve better, that love does NOT hurt.

We'll help you any way we can, but, you must help yourself as well...you and your son deserve all the wonders that the universe has to offer you...it is yours to take.

 
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“You may write me down in history
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« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2008, 09:24:33 PM »

amazed,

I'm also depressed but have been working with a therapist for about three months now; she's been a lot of help and I'm feeling much better. My personal experience is that I also had thoughts of suicide. It's good to realize, though, that there is a difference between having thoughts about suicide (it's called ideation) and actually planning or taking action; as my therapist says, "It's the depression talking." So - Please take it seriously but don't panic, either. Find help *now*, don't wait like I did for many months to go by. There's no need to continue feeling like this and you are much more likely to improve sooner with the right help than you are by waiting for something to change.

If you need help finding somebody, I happened to find my therapist through an instructor of a meditation course that I took. I just figured that he might have met somebody who might be appropriate for me. So I think a good place to look for help is with somebody you trust who meets a lot of people.
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sport

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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2008, 10:51:32 AM »

I am in the same position, My son 9 was from previous marriage.  I had full custody of him (shocking for dad) because his mother was bi-polar.  Now, current wife suddenly BPD - I did not see it coming.  I am on the fence but keep wondering and looked into with my attorney what my options are.  If you son is from a previous marriage or relationship - your current SO has no legal custodial rights.  ie. You can cut them off completely and only have visits that are supervised by you.  Hope it helps.

Massillon
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