We don't walk away because the BPD isn't obvious at the time, only in retrospect. The push/pull dance, the splitting, the abusive behaviors, the gaslighting are all insidious.
In my situation, insidious
is a really good word to describe how subtle the process was. But I can't discount the "all in" aspect of what kinetix called the "sunk cost." It is like the gambling analogy- you dont really know when to walk away. You've invested so much- and there were times when things seemed to break even, but for the most part I was deluded in thinking that the bad was nowhere near as noteworthy as the good. I believe, as "soodone" says, that "average people walk away from the nuttiness but those that have old unresolved ''stuff'' are glued to it and try to wrap their heads around it."
That's me- trying to wrap my head around it- and worse, sticking my head up someone's ass, failing every time.
What did Chris Farley say in the movie "Tommy Boy?"
Tommy: [Trying to copy his father's quote] "Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?"
Customer: [confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: "No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait... It's gotta be your bull...?"
David Spade: [embarrassed] Wow.
[It takes Tommy until the end of the movie to say the phrase correctly]"I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it."
BPD is BPD... You could stick your head up there and look around and get nothing out of it but exasperation and a waste of precious time. So many of us returned to the BPD looking for answers- in effect, giving them more control of our lives. Now I know, there's nothing left to do but turn my back, walk away and take the butcher's word for it...