BPDFamily.com

Kind of a comical topic.

Im not sure if this is common among them, but im almost forced to contact her about a dvd from netflix she has im getting charged $25/month for.

Then i remembered, last time i tried picking up something of mine, i was met with more NC.

The time before that (like our 4-5 breakup lol), she told me to come over. I replied with "sure ill be over, to pick up my stuff, whens a good time?". Was met with more NC.

I began thinking even more of the random crap from old ex bf's she still had. Love notes, pictures, etc.

Just wondering if this is a common theme?

If so, it reinforces my position that they never truely do detach. The breakup sequence is backwards for them.

Same. My ex did not give my things back.

Find a way to pay Netflix off. It's not worth the trouble. On my first breakup, she had a box of my clothing including a pair of boots (nice boots) to send me because we were long-distance. When I finally got her to say she would send it (after weeks of abuse), she asked me to pay her 18 dollars to cover the shipping. I didnt respond because I thought it was so ridiculous. I then told her I would send her the 18 if it would just end this. More worse abuse and details about a relationship that it turned out didnt exist.

When we got back together shortly after (hand hits forehead), I finally got the stuff and I asked her why she had packed my things in a box, taken them to the post office and not shipped them. She said that she just couldnt let them go. You know what that tells me? That whe wanted a line connected to me so she could reel me back in. Again that should have seemed obviously manipulative, but I blew it off. Years after and a billion breakups big and small it finally ended for good. She owed me $400. I was not going to lose this one. I was determined to get this back and get it back now! I harassed the crap out of her every time she missed a deadline. I called her a theif. I told her that I couldnt believe she was "one of those girls." I told her how messed up it was that she could jerk me around for three years and then steal money from me and how manipulative it was to borrow it from me at a time when she later said she wasnt interested in me anyway. That gave her all the ammo she needed to tear into me some more about how disgusting I was etc. (somewhat deservingly I shouldnt have harrased her). I got the money, but at what cost? My pride, my self-esteem and just general pain were the cost.

Now Im not saying you are even thinking about going to the lengths that I did- if you are, trash that plan. My therapist told me to chalk the money up to a loss and just get away- that any communication with this dangerous person would not be worth risking a quick escape. She was right. In retrospect, I wish I had given up on my belongings in the first place, and certainly wish I had given up on the money. Whatever she is doing is obviously a ploy (which you already seem to know at your comical take on it). Yet, if you are still thinking about trying to get the DVD back, I say, "why?" Get out pay for the DVD and count your blessings that there is nothing more to say.

I got the stuff she didn't care about back

but the stuff she thought I spent time using (time not spent with her) like camera equipment and chargers were never seen again lol ...

she also came into the bedroom one day to remind me what a good girlfriend she was for washing and hanging  all my jeans in the closet...

a week later after leaving I find huge holes torn in both pairs- at the feet!

I never cared what I may have left at his place... .  However he showed up at my house with a police escort to get his belongings... .  

Oh but is perfectly happy to keep his boat trailer here as it would cost him $40 a month to keep at his condo... .  

I think I'll give it a month then call a company to have it towed.

Nope! I'm still pissed about my liquid fabric softener and dryer sheets she took.lol! :)

Marble loser ... .  

Thank God u wrote lol... .  

The reality is my ex cost me almost $7k... .  

So am I worried about some clothes of mine that he has... .  

I think not!

i knew from the first breakup that i better take whatever i wanted because she was throwing away the rest or keeping it... .  got most of my stuff... .  only missing a jacket... .  first time she threatened and said not to touch her ~ that she took pictures... .  i at that point knew she was isane to be treating me like a criminal... .  that was the first time when i ceaned up the place and hung some curtains for her... .  but i was a criminal for that... .  second time we got back together and she wore the pearls i bought her that she said she got rid of... .  so she lied about getting rid of certain things... .  she did however hand some of my belongings to her sister and told her sister to get rid of them... one gift in particular was a set of dog tags that said A and A forever and always and had our anniv date on them and a wristband sort of the same... .  she admitted she felt very bad about that... so bad that she bought me another necklace kind of the same but this time a cross and a dog tag... .  i took it with me this time and figured it was better not in the trash... .  last time she told me i could come and get my ~... .  which was only a bike two t shirts and pictures of us i had requested she didnt throw away if she didnt want... .  this time she hasnt said anything... .  i told her again to please not discard a particular photo of me and her daughter and that id like to have it... no reply at all to that... .  but yes... .  she took all of the 700 dollar deposit we got back from our apartment together that we originally split the cost for... .  has a nice 500 camera i bought... .  a bed set i split the cost with... tv... .  jewelry... .  you name it... she kept it all... .  no remorse at all... .  she feels she deserved those things i guess... .  whatever... materials dont matter to me... just upset at someone else sleeping in MY bed... .  and i really did want that darn picture of me holding our/her daughter... .  even forgot the super dad mug she bought me for a christmas gift... .  guess the replacement is super dad now... .  ugh so frustrating... .  to the point of rage... .  but no signs of luring me back this time i told her i didnt want any of my "~" i left there this time just that single picture... .  she said she didnt have anything that belonged to me and ignored the picture reference... .  what a piece of work... .  noone has ever made me that angry in all my years that i violently shook with rage... .  if youve ever seen dragonball z id say i was turning super sayian... .  good thing she wasnt around to experience it and i was alone

Nope.  She's holding my things hostage and was spiteful about it.  Reminded me of how a 3 year old behaves when first learning to use the word "MINE!". What's even weirder though is she refused to take any of her stuff back, pictures, jewelry, things that belonged to family members who passed away, things most people would want returned I would think.

aterdeath, If you were going super saiyan, that is a good thing. You would be shaking and grunting for at least 7 episodes before anything could happen, which would give plenty of time for your inner monologue to run and re-think your anger lol

Foglight, heed the warnings. If you feel bad about throwing her stuff away, do you know a mutual or non mutual- anyone sane, friend you can give the stuff to? As for your stuff, consider it gone.

actually, I've already chalked everything up as a loss, well worth it too.  Her stuff?  Waste Management took care of that a good while ago.  It was liberating 

I have half my life at my wife's house we were renting. I went once to get some much needed stuff, but I have furniture and odds and ends and clothes and my kids stuff. I do not think I will get any of it back. When I went there, I tried to talk via text with her and I said I wanted to stay so we could see each other. She threatened to call the police and tell them I was there stealing from our house. Not good, so I left and she has been NC since and I cannot imagine getting mine and my kids stuff any time soon.

I really think I am going to lose it all and it's probably for the better. I cannot even imagine going over there at this point. I felt sick the day I went there and that was 3 weeks ago and things are not any better. And emotionally speaking, it's better to lose some clothes, furniture and whatever my kids left their, and buy again, then to go back there...

yup. never wanna feel that sick feeling again.

so glad someone got the reference roflmao! So true so true... i do feel like ive been grunting many days which feel like episodes worth lol... .  my inner monologue keeps saying findthe dragonballs and wish her back... but before she fused with frieza cell and buu! Lol!... .  im sure my power level was over 9000 that day rofl... im sorry im totally hijacking this lol... .  im ending my nerd rant now lol... .  but no... .  you wont be seeing any of your stuff again lol

Flipping this on it's head a little... .  I was stuck with my ex's stuff... .  for months! 

She returned to an old flame... .  didn't have the space to store it... .  I struggled to pay for our old shared home... .  and stored her stuff for her!... .  

In fairness to her... .  I wasn't making the best efforts to deliver it to her... .  it was her way, and my way of still buying into the dysfunction and having a connection... .  albeit a toxic one.

One day I finally had the courage to deliver it all to her friends house (I sent a txt to let her know where it was and I knew it would be safe there til she collected it)... .  I'd had enough of my ex stalling for a collection date... .  and it was upsetting to have it around in my living environment.

I agree with BleedsOrange... .  pay Netflix... .  job done.  If you can afford it, it's a small price to pay for zero drama.

Nope, Didnt get the car that i bought her back, or the jewelry, or the furniture, or the kitchen appliances. Spent 6 grand remodeling her bathroom.

Couple of grand bailing her out of bankruptsy, 2 thousand dollar camara so she could take pictures of her kids. the list goes on and on. Ill never get nor regain that money back. honestly, its not worth seeing her to get any of it back anyway. I believe in Karma.

And do you think she called ME to come get the stuff? ya right! Im sure if I know these types well enough, they might pawn some of the stuff for the money.

Yea, i think ill take that advice and just pay it. I got a 450 dollar car audio system that i let her use that she just let sit in her room, when i asked for it back last time we talked she ignored me. I guess thats going to be stuck there forever too.

Just so twisted to keep things from your ex's when you seemingly 'moved on' in the matter of 48 hours to another guy lmao. I dumped all her stuff when the breakup was official, and everytime i seen something of hers i forgot i went out with buddies and burned it.

Shes probably keeping it for an excuse to contact me down the road when she wants to reengage.

I'll never get it.

Rick your right

I think mine is keeping the audio to give her new guy as a gift. I remember she gave me a jersey as a gift from some guy who gave it to her at her job. I was like , "ooh thanks! so much sentimental value!" then through it away.

But like i said, she kept little things her ex's before me gave her in shoeboxes and stuff, i think they keep little stuff like that to always feel that connection.

I hope she loses everything i ever gave her.

Currently my exBPD refuses to pay for a loan I took out in my name to help get her a qualification.

The car I bought, was changed out of my name... .  pictures of my D childhood backed up in ExBPD hard drive I have no other copies of... .    :'( refuses to give it all back. Her family stole from me. Borrowed money from me and none of it is ever coming back.

Engagement ring I gave she is seen wearing whilst recycling an old relationship... .  with ex who she did an all merciful smear campaign on btw.

Worst of all is my exBPD Goes on to justify it all with things that were given to me etc... .  honestly it does not add up... .  financially or emotionally.

exBPD has left with me with an animal she bought child without consulting me. I can not afford to pay for all of this I am in a mess as a result and feel really stupid and ashamed. I feel scared I will never trust again... .  

ExBPD has now got in touch with Ex prior to me

Im the same way... But its what it should have been all along. I know i will never trust anybody on this green earth with as much trust i put in her. Next time i get into a relationship i will not expect anything, and if i get screwed over it will not hurt nearly as bad.

I kind of came out of this adopting some of her mentality, only i choose to. Its sad because if she tried to recycle me i feel like im going to accept it only so i can abandon her as revenge. Let her feel her worst fears come true.

Not to get off the subject here but jesus, I cant believe how much time crap we all have been through here. I woud have to say that that is one of the biggest things that has made me mad, other then being cheated on. Being used like a door mat. Dont get me wrong, they have a disorder but they should be held responsible for things that i feel need to be given back to us. God, I wish I could take her to court over all the money and posssessions Ive given her. Yes I wanted her to have all these things... .  UNTIL I FIGURED OUT SHE WAS A LIER, CHEATER, USER, MANIPULATER... .  and so on!

They are responsible. It is not an excuse. It wouldnt matter if they were held responsible or not. I never received an ounce of contrition, no matter how hard I tried to pry it out, and probably never would have. Since it is not a possibility for them to actually FEEL how what they did was hurtful, it is of no real matter, even though it sucks- really sucks. Just chalked it up to being one of those guys who dated the wrong crazy chick. Ours were just REALLY good at it. Like my T says to me, "She may be disordered, I can't diagnose her, but NO ONE is this good at this without knowing how and doing it on purpose."

Screw it. Won't happen again.

CANT PREDICT CRAZY! You can only learn from it.

I take part of that back there may be a part where they feel or know the hurt, but they dont seem to process it or express it. Am I wrong? Oh and She still has, has thrown away or has given away a badass onyx ring of mine that I really liked. She can have it. I'll find another. There are plenty of antique jewelry dealers here. I bet its tucked away somewhere though. WAIT IT DOESNT MATTER! CRAP! I mean whatevs... .  I dont care :)

Hey,

I am confused about this, do people with BPD really not understand how much they have hurt us by not only actions and behaviors... .  but the financial aspect we appear to be landed with... .  

It seems like mine didnt, because she never expressed it in any way, but I think I was wrong to assume I know how she felt. It didnt seem like she could really process it if she felt it.

They cant empathise with their actions like we do. They can only feel shame in these aspects.

OK, I was confused because my exBPD would say I cant believe I have been so reckless I will pay you back I am sorry and then two weeks later it was like that convo never happened. I am now starting to think I will be picking up the pieces as tough as it is gonna be.

Yeah, dont let it confuse you. They still know right from wrong. They are not dumb, and if you were to say cheat on then they would feel hurt. But they lack any ability to put themselves in your shoes.

same ~, same ~. These people have to have been cloned  

must move on, i understand your confusion, your ex said one thing (words), then behaved opposite to those words.  What is your concrete proof of intention? Words or behaviour?

Yes I think you right Newton, Like I have said to exBPD 'your words and promises are taken away on the wind and forgotten as soon as you mutter them"!

I am sad but  I think I too will have to pay a loan I cannot afford etc etc!

oh please some one stop the roundabout I wanna get off... .  after all I said above I receive the "I know I have done wrong please let me see you D I love her she love me" blah blah

I will pay you back" !

HA HA, I swear it sure seems like it. I've read so many stories here about this kind of thing how BPD folks always leaving stuff behind, don't wrap things up, hold stuff hostage, etc, etc.

As much as I tried for things to not happen like that for me, they did. I was so clueless when we first broke up (even though I initiated the breakup). I  think I was scared enough of her (knowing her capacity for insanity and drama), that I went overboard, trying to be nice. First I found a mess of creepy in my storage shed (she'd taken the time to actually buy a couple albums I'd wanted and sorta posted them as a weird tribute to me). Slowly, I started realizing all the stuff she took from me.  Then I found out she stole some valuable stuff from me on the way out the door. Then I realized even more things she took. All the while I was learning about BPD.

I found 3 boxes of her stuff, in various locations in the first 6 months. The first box of her stuff I found (when I was still a bit clueless about BPD)  I contacted her. She wanted me to cart this heavy box of her "priceless" family memories (so priceless she forgot them) to a PO box store nearby. I did. I just wanted her gone. The result? This started a whole new phase of endless texts and "begging me to come back so we can heal together" crap.  

Second box of stuff I found, I threw it out and said nothing. I kept my NC.  

The third box of stuff I found, I rummaged through and found a whole mess of darkness/chaos/lies about her life from 15+ years before. Saw proof of her long life of dys-regulation before me (and proof of lies she'd told me about this period of her life).  I took what was valuable inside and sold it.  I kept NC.

When we first broke up, I thought I owed her money. It took friends of hers (including one who helped her move, even lived with for a while) and my T to see I was still "brainwashed" and I owed her nothing.

Y'all know, the patterns can make it easier. Think about how many people are on here. We've all been through the same thing. It doesnt make us stop being hurt- which is normal, but it sure helps to remember that we are not weird or wrong to feel as confused and hurt as we do/have. I know I dont have as many pots as a lot of people, but I've seen soo many of the people that used to be on this board move on and learn so much, it really is kinda cheerful. I know we say it all the time, but, it sucks that these lessons had to be learned the way they were, but they sure will be useful :)

The stuff that's most important to us, that we also thought we lost? Like our hearts, our spirits, our self-esteem, our chance at love? We still have all of that and more.

Getting my stuff back was an absolute NIGHTMARE!

I am still not over the whole experience and it's been 2 months.

Firstly, my exgf dumps me abruptly after an argument and tells me to leave her alone.

I try to apologise and reconcile via phone calls and letters- then she changes her number and blocks me on Facebook. A month later I write her an email requesting she returns my things. I also had her stuff and wanted to know where to drop it (she lives in a flat).

No response.

I waited 2 weeks and asked again and a week later I find 3 books dumped on my sidewalk outside my gate. No note. No response from her either.

And that wasn't all my stuff! I still had her stuff too

I had to then write to her again to ask for the other stuff and I even offered to get a mutual friend to help do a swap... (if she didn't want to see me).

No word.

I literally heard nothing for almost 2 months.

Then I saw her one day happily driving around and it made me so mad to see she was deliberately ignoring me.

I wanted the rest of my stuff back on principle.  I had left a ring at hers my Mum gave me too.

So I wrote to get again! No word.

I called the police and asked them for advice. They said I have every right to go to her house and buzz her flat to retrieve my stuff- otherwise it's theft. I was scared she may take out a restraining order! So I wrote her a note first advising I will be coming to get flat at such and such time and I have waited a long time etc.

I buzzed her flat and nobody answers.

I then ended up having to message her flatmate/best friend to ask if I can come back another time or if he can assist.

He calls me and was incredibly hostile. He said my ex didn't have the stuff and that she doesn't want to see me. He then got really worked up and barked "she wants you OUT of her life! She wants nothing to do with you! You have contacted her non stop for months and it's unacceptable!"

I said "hang on... I have contacted her to try to get my stuff back! That's not a crime. It's unacceptable that she had ignored me"

He talked over me " move on! You will never get closure from her! Do NOT ontact her again!"

And hung up.

Wow. It was so nnecessary. And I know my ex has most likely told him and everyone else I contacted her "non stop for no reason". Little do they know... she deliberately ignored me.

Maybe my ex lost my other stuff or it's just missing- who knows.

But why couldn't she have told me this earlier? She let it drag out for months with silence

I know I usually try to be positive about everything and I actually mean this in a tone of positivity cause it makes it a little less confusing:

Take the disorder out of it. Take all the push/pull, the devaluation and how beaten down and hopeless/helpless you felt at the end. Put yourself in your old shoes.

Theres a Fiona Apple line in "Fast as You Can" (Who seems to have a pretty firm, first-hand grasp on crazy)

"I'm tired of why's, choking on why's- just need a little because."

Now, even though that song is sung in first-person nuttball lady, put yourself in those old shoes and look at her doing this:

The why and the because is that she's a dick.

To be clear, I am not demonizing her. Anyone can be a dick without being a devil. That is just a dick move.

Lol a dick is a understatement!

It's so bizarre though. She always seemed to do the right thing by me in the relationship. She was always telling her friends that certain behaviours of exes was pathetic and cruel.

Yet it turns out she behaves even worse.

She must have justified it in her head that I had "burnt her" (her words) so bad that I had to be ignored, cut off and erased for good.

It actually feels like I was set up to look like a crazy stalker ex. She deliberately ignored me for 2 months when I asked for my stuff back.

This would anger anyone. She also got my note about coming to her house to get my stuff and it was ignored. And then she could tell her flatmate and everyone else I was crazy and was now turning up randomly to her house.

She probably even lied and told others she had already responded to me. They probably have no idea she ignored me for months.

Normal people don't act this way. Sure... There's always anger after a break up. But usually there is a mutual exchange of stuff. I was treated like I had cheated on her or betrayed her

Yup we've all been there. Today i have this dick attitude.The sickness can explain the patterns, what they do and maybe even why they do it, but I feel like today, maybe, once we've got those why's of the understanding from these boards, some of the stuff, like this for example, can be chalked up to dickness. The more well-traveled members will call these coping mechanisms and they can be under whatever umbrella -ella -ella you want. We try to focus on ourselves, right? i think a good way to focus on yourself, here is that you did everything you could do to be respectful, considerate of her wants/needs and still get your things, and thi is what you got. So, to focus on yourself: you didnt do anything on this one except expect normalcy and respect. Maybe that was a mistake, but I dont think so. It will be a mistake if you expect it again. write this one off as far as self improvement goes and just write "dick" in the conclusion column. No more why's.

I know it's hard. I had the same thoughts when I was going through it, but you know what thinking that she was just f-ing with me and then finding out that she was, didnt really help in the long run. Bottom line, maladaptive coping mechanism or not: dick. Write this one off independently as you would if you heard about a chickfriend telling you the story. Completely detached from the relationship. Just plain dick.

Ive never said dick this much in a thread. I would be lying if I said it wasnt fun. dickdickdickdickdickdickdick HAHAHA!

no reason we cant laugh about this a little. the thread was started in a comical fashion. :)

Mine still has my bed.  But I don't really want it considering the number of dudes she's probably gotten dirty with on it since the split.  I also let her have our car but our joint tax return went towards paying off some of my debt so I let her have it.

Sounds like you got your 'dick' back, at least.

Baha. Only way to get our stuff back is to fight dick with dick. Be careful though, being a dick might turn them on enough to spark back their interest

Thats how I did it. Wouldn't suggest it. The engagemnt sucks no matter what. Plus if you dont like being a dick, it suc... .  stinks... .  well there's no getting around it, its just not good. You lose pride.i feel like OTH is onna come bop me on the nowe with a newspaper at any moment :) lol

You know i love ya Hobbes, you zen master!

Hey american templar, I couldnt help  but crack up over what you said about the bed. I have to laugh because I thought I was the only one who was going through this. This post is 3 pages full of people going through the same ~. Its incredible.

Haha don't fight dick with dick!  Our exes might be 'crazy' but Karma can be a REAL MFer.  My ex did everything she could to get money out of me the week before and the week after our break up (she was already DEEP in a secret new relationship).  That's what really got my blood boiling more than any of her craziness, thank God I didn't give her anything, but the principle of it had me enraged.  I had so many ways to get some sick revenge on her, but I'm so glad I exercised restraint for once in my life... .  

Since our break up, my social life has taken off, my work life has improved and I'm advancing, and I've personally grown more than I ever have in my life.  Even with everything that happened quite recently, I'm really happy to be where I am.  Her?  Her new toy's shiny has worn off, she's in tons of debt, she's burned most of her bridges and her friends can't stand her anymore.  She may be a dick, but she'll always be Karma's b1tch.  I'd love for her to realize she has a problem and seek therapy for it, but either way, it's her life to ruin.

So... .  not one person got his/her stuff back?  The similarities seem endless.

Lol you do have to laugh

But did anyone else's ex block all contact?

Mine changed her number.

It's like they set us up to look like stalkers. She abruptly ends a long term relationship over an argument. Then refuses to discuss further and accept my apology.

On reflection I tried to call her too many times (every second day for the first week) and writing her a handwritten letter may have been desperate. But I was desperate at the time. I was super stressed that I had lost my partner over an argument.

And she sent me this brush off text 2 weeks after she ignored my apologies saying "I thought I made my wishes clear. I do not wish to have anymore contact with you on this".

Ouch.

I replied asking for more explanation... Telling her I was confused that she was breaking up with me over a fight.

She kept ignoring me and then changed her number and removed me from Facebook.

It was so insulting. Nobody has ever changed their number on me before and I felt like a harasser.

I got my stuff back... .  just not all of it. one trinket. It means nothing anymore.

It shows emotional immaturity. Even my younger sister said it was really petty and childish to block people on Facebook and change your number.

How can I go from being her loving partner whom she trusted to being a "harasser" after an argument who has to be blocked and erased?

It was so extreme. As you can see... I'm still having problems getting over being called a harasser and feeling like a stalker when I only wanted more explanation and then my stuff back.

Di I did the same but worse. you can check my posts. i dont know if she blocked me. not enough to weakly (not weekly I must stress. A one time slip up.) find out about her quick marriage.

plus her responses were worse than NC. Its all good in the hood, baby. I would never act like that again. I feel like myself gain. Still hurt, but myself. No Bs no more. Stuff is just stuff. i didnt need the money. i didnt need the clothes. Shouldnt have even tried t get it back, but whats done is done.

We are free. They are freeish, maybe, who cares. Breathe the New Year in. Plenty of fun to be had. Let's go have it!

You can get over it! Once you get over all the relationship games as what they were- a really messed up person handling you the way that kind of messed up person does. Other than that, It's just a crazy ex. Im not enlightened. Im not past the pain. Im not past the anger. But screw this holding me back any longer! New mantra. i will tell myself this whenever i feel cruddy. But not tonight! Im gonna go lose SO HARD at darts!

The mattress was a nice $2000 one that I bought myself for my 30th birthday (I was ready to be a big boy and retire the futon).  My cat peed on hers so I had to leave it with her until I could buy her another.  She actually texted me at one point saying that she was "getting a replacement" [mattress?] so I could make arrangements to pick it up.  Apparently she was using it as leverage to get me to sign some papers because once I signed them I never heard back from her about picking the mattress up.  Or maybe the "replacement" never came (or he wised up).  Like I said, I was kinda disgusted by it anyway.

samsies... .  last comment i received... well one of the last ones was stop harrassing me and invading my privacy or ill call the cops... .  i was so stunned and worked up it just caught me dead in my tracks and i totally stopped contact after that... .  i think its funny she deleted her facebook after i found out she was in fact cheating when we were together or at least setting up the replacement before she kicked me out... .  confirmed by finding out 3 months later through her facebook as she told her highschool ex whom she had a long r/s with who she was seeing... .  she was also flirting with him ago therego triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0) already with her new toy and old flame... .  seems i have been forgotten... .  she was right about one thing... .  she had no idea what i was capable of... .  pretty easy to find out the truth to her actions when it was easy to guess the fb password... .  i only stayed on long enough to see what i needed to... 5 minutes to find that validating closure message... .  wish i wouldve dug a little more as she was very secretive about her new toy as if she was ashamed... .  and then her deleting of her own fb after she knew she had been compromisedjust made me laugh... .  like she was afraid i could destroy her world if i wanted... .  makes me wonder what she thinks i really saw... .  i saw enough... thats all i needed to see... .  sick stupid girl

I have been a bit stunned at the lengths of "painting me black" my ex has gone since the breakup. I HAVE to let go of what other people think and do what is best for me. I owe no one an explanation, they did not live through what I just went through. And since my EX is telling everyone "I hate her and I'm confusing her with my ma" (ironicially who I now know is BPD because of what I've learned in my breakup with my ex), I find that just saying something like " I wish her well" and "I hope she's happy" (even if I know wishing her well means I hope like heck she gets the professional help she needs and hoping she's happy means I know this is impossible). Just saying nice, well-meaning things about her throws them off, as they are expecting venom from me. I may have resentments, but I'm working on them and I've learned NOT to show this to others.

Yesterday someone asked me if I was seeing anyone (because my ex is- she replaced me within 3 months of our breakup). I said No, I am busy healing. It was a 9 year r/s and I am not going to get involved again until I've thoroughly looked at my side of the street, and what happened in my last r/s. I've also said I'm more hopeful than ever (I know my last r/s did not end because I couldn't do it). I've learned the hard way that as long as someone is in contact with my ex, in one way or another they are being "snowed" by her, so I have to protect myself a bit (even with good people).

exBPDgf, I hate to say this but I dont wish my ex girlfriend well. I hope she goes through the extream pain she put me through someday, AND it will happen... .  Someday! Too bad I wont be around to see it. I believe in Karma.

Yeah, it is odd and heartbreaking they can jump to new relationships so fast.

When me and my ex broke up i had a few girls who i went out with but let them know it would be impossible to go past a FWB type deal since im still in love with my ex. Some of these girls were very good and i wish i wasnt in a state of not being able to date.

No.  What she didnt admit to trashing, she kept.  Brought me into an impossible situation that makes it impossible to get it too.  Hard to describe here, but it was her final no-win situation where she maintains control.  In a nutshell, she says if i want it back, she will take it to the police station and have it mailed and while shes there, she will file a restraining order and get me for "stalking and harassment".  Of course i dont want that and shes said its my "choice".   A very dumb one.

So goes the story to all her friends and family,  that shes "offered to mail it a million times"  so doesnt know why i keep refusing to give her an address (since ive moved).  She fails to "mention" the consequences shes imposed along with it.  So handy... .  

My ex is also a huge collector of items.  Terrible object consistency issues.  I will never get it back on these ridiculous terms so... .  

I repeat - they are all clones  

and yeah - this is their way of still controlling you - unfortunately this very thread proves they are successful in doing so :'( :'(