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My beautiful husband committed suicide on Monday. My heart is utterly broken. Please pray for him and that he is finally at peace. I loved him so much.

Oh hun, I am so sorry.  I am not very good with words, but my heart goes out to you.  I cant begin to imagine how your feeling right now, its something so horrible to have happened to you and someone that you love.  I am sure that he is at peace now.  His pain has left him.  Please, please please take care of you.  If you need anything... .  I, and I am positive everyone here on this board are here for you.  I am so deeply deeply sorry for your loss.   

tina

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Chihiro. 

Please take good care of yourself, and know that you have a whole community of support right here for you.

Oh Chihiro 

I am so sorry to hear this! Yes, i will pray for him. I will pray also intensivly for you! Do you have support from family members or friends?

 

((Chihiro))

I am so, so sorry.

Please do know we are all here for you.     

~DreamGirl

Oh, I am SO SO sorry... .  

There are no words, no way to take away your pain at this time. Its a horrible way to lose someone, let alone someone you love so much.

  Please remember to take extra care of yourself... with driving, or anything where distraction could be an issue... go slow, so gently. Surround yourself with those that love you.

And, like you, I pray he is at peace. BPD is a horrible illness.


Steph

So sorry :-(

I'm so sorry for your loss! He, and you, will be in my prayers

Oh Chihiro.  My heart breaks for you.  He was so lucky to have met you & been loved by you.  No one could have been a better partner to him.  You came through for him when almost no one could or would have.  Your forgiveness and constancy was an enormous gift.

I hope you are able to accept  that no amount of love could have changed what he battled so completely that this would not have happened.

You are such a brave and loving soul.  I admire you so much for the principled, true way you found to love this man.  I will honor him and you by trying to be more like you.

OMG Chihiro



sorry, so very sorry... .  I can't imagine how devastating.

praying for you, for him, for the families involved.

GL

I am so very sorry. I will pray for your peace, for your family and friends and for him.

I am so so sorry to hear such tragic news Chihiro!

Reading your post has brought tears to my eyes. Wherever you are in the world, my thoughts and prayers are with you right now xxxxx

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss! I'm sure that he is at peace now. This is tragic, and I know that you will miss him so much. Let it comfort you that you helped make his time here as good as it could possibly be.

Oh Chihiro, I am so sorry for your loss.  Can't think of the words to say to comfort you and help take away your pain, although I wish I knew them... .  He is at peace now and I hope you soon find some comfort in that.

We're all right here if and when you need any support at all.   

Peace, prayers and blessings,

Phoebe

 

Praying for you 

-Peace

I am so so sorry for your loss!  It's tragic.  But he is at peace now.  I hope and pray that you will find peace also.

I am so very sorry, how devastating.  

You are in my thoughts and prayers!


turtle

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.  I've been thinking of you all day since I read your post.  I will keep you, him, and everyone who loved him in my prayers.  Big hugs to you. 

I'm so sorry for your loss!  Wishing you the light of love in your time of darkness.

Deepest sympathy and condolences for your loss.  You are both in my prayers.

I am so sorry... .  hope and pray you will find the strength to carry on... .  much love...

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.  Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Chihiro I'm so very sorry to hear this.  My thoughts are with you and hope you have support around you during this time. 

Adding my condolences, Chihiro.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  We are all here for you.  Courage.   

I am so very sorry for your loss, Chihiro.  We are here for you, and I hope you have friends and family who can help you go through this difficult period.

(( hugs )) 

I am very sorry, you have my thoughts and prayers.   

My sympathies.  I'm sorry that you have to go through this.  Here's to hoping you both find peace after such a tragedy.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. His funeral was today. I feel so empty, guilty, and sad for his death. I wish I could have done more, been more understanding and empathetic with his pain. I feel like he did this to show me, prove to me how much he hurt. I know in my brain I didn't cause it, but I feel like I triggered it with an argument we had. It was so awful. It has been a week today that the unimaginable happened. I am still in shock and disbelief. All I want to do is hold him and tell him that I forgive him and ask him to forgive me.

 

 

Look after yourself, keep up T if you have to and keep coming here as we understand what questions will keep running though your mind. By coming here in the first place you showed you cared enough to try and learn more to help him

I am so sorry to hear this.

My thoughts and prayers go out for you and your family.

Oh Chihiro

Yes, what the brain knows is often different from our feelings.

My thoughts and wishes to you and your family 

Coping with suicide is so difficult, for all concerned. A good friend of mine went through it a few years ago. I hope you have good friends to lean on during this time. And I second the advice that you post here as much as you need to. The more support you get, the easier it will be.

 

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my first husband on the same day 24 years ago.  I will be praying for you.

so so sorry for your loss, sending love and light to you i will remember you in my prayers xxxx

Chihiro,

I can't stop thinking about you and your loss and just want to let you know that I care, we care, about what you are dealing with.  As you grieve, I encourage you to continue posting here for strength and support as well as reaching out to those close to you.   

Chihiro,

     I feel soo bad for you... .     Life is so stressful while dealing with this horrible disorder, and we see our most loved one hurting so very bad every day.  Please take care of yourself and try to hold off making any changes or dicisions in your life right now.  Waite until you have recovered some.  I know we never fully get over these things and to have it be like this is so much worse.

      With all my LOVE and true sorrow for you at this time of sorrow,   Art

So so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you although I can't even imagine the pain you must feel. I am sure that your H is at peace now on the other side and knows how much you loved him despite the pain he felt.

Be kind to yourself     

Im so sorry to hear bout happened.

Please accept my condolences.

I am really missing him and feeling a lot of regret and pain for not being able to avoid this terrible end. We triggered each other badly that day and he was in a dissociative rage at me when he did it. I also posted about this on the Leaving/Detaching board. His last moments must have been so painful. I was afraid of him that day - he was so out of control. He told me he was the cause of all my pain. Screamed it at me. He went and locked himself in the bedroom, something he had done many times before. He told me to leave him alone. I thought I was giving us time to self soothe. After a few minutes, I knocked, pounded, on the door for him to open it. No sound. I said I would call 911 if he didn't say anything. He didn't and I called but it was too late when the officer got there and kicked in the door.

I was the more "healthy" one, as sick and damaged as I am, and I can't help feeling that I should have, could have done better by him. I feel I failed him, and my children. I also know the darkness in him was overwhelming and it was a battle I couldn't win on my own. But he was fighting it, had been in therapy for nearly 2 1/2 years. I feel that if I could've done better for a little while longer, he would still be here.

Hi Chihiro,

Im so sorry you are hurting so badly, and blaming yourself... .  there was NO WAY for you to know the ending to that particular day, especially given your history.

please try to not be so hard on yourself?  keep on getting  your feelings out, keep on reaching out.

(())

CiF

I am so very very sorry Chihiro. My heart dropped and my face itched with tears for you. Reading your subject line did not prepare me for this. May God give you the strength to understand and withstand what has happened. I will certainly pray for you. I would not know how to be so strong had this have been in my life. <3

It's not your fault.

Don't ever believe that. 

You did your best and could not change or control his depression or disordered/distorted thinking.  Please do not blame yourself.  Praying for you to find peace.   

 When we were dealing with suicidal stuff at our house, my therapist told me " You cannot keep someone alive who does not want to be".

  My husband has talked about those days alot, and  how incredibly painful the illness of BPD truly is. Every day is painful, not only those days when things seem more severe to us. The battle rages on continuously, unless they accept the hard work of help.

  I have lost 2 friends to suicide, and my husband had attempted more than once. Its awful. Its awful to feel that you could have done something, had you known. Remember that you didnt know... and you would have done what ever you could have. You did the right thing.

And I am so, so sorry.

Are there suicide survivors groups in your area? A group like this can help heal from the truly unique pain of losing someone to suicide.

Seeing this late - I'm so sorry, Chihiro