BPDFamily.com

I wish there was an app that I could buy that translated my stbxBPDh texts into BPDchat.

:)

really. I always tend to take the words at face value-as I would any normal person's. But I really shouldn't.

here's an example;

PwBPD says/texts: I've been missing you

BPDchat= Lets see if you are still available as N supply for me! Clock's ticking... .  

BPDtext: You were affectionate, supportive, kind and empathic... .  

BPDChat= you were the perfect doormat, and rarely had Needs of your own

BPDtext: I always wanted a pet... .  

BPDChat= but I never got one as it took away from my ME time.

BPDtext: I know now that I NEED to be alone.

BPDChat= tell me that's OK, so I can still sleep well at night.

BPDtext; Talk to you later?

BPDChat= don't  slam that r/s door, only I can DO that, and I may need you for something later!

I guess you get the drift.

it's taken me some time to translate the things my stbXh says as BPD-Speak.

It's a struggle as I don't normally view conversations this way... .  

But it really does help in detaching.

GL

Perhaps even more useful would be one where you can type in what you're about to say, and it will tell you what your pwBPD will hear.  For example:

You:  Sweetie, I love you soo much.  I'm so sorry that I seem to be unable to make you realize how much I adore you, and that I will always be there for you, and you don't need to worry.  I know you struggle with insecurity and trust sometimes, but please realize you don't need to worry.  It kills me that you can't see that... .  and really feel it deep down.  Please just believe me... .  everything's okay.  I love you with all of my heart.  Everything's okay.

BPDHearChat:  You are crazy for feeling what you feel, and none of it is my problem. I hate being with someone like you because you are so damaged and screwed up in the head.  None of our problems have anything to do with me because I'm perfect, my love is perfect, and if you can't see that, then that's your problem.  You make me miserable, and it "kills" me to have to be with someone that's as damaged as you.  It's your fault, and all your issues make you way too messed up for this relationship to ever work.

I could have used an app that inserted the word "baby" after every single text. I cannot tell you how many issues were caused because of this! Just because I don't write baby after every text while I am in the middle of a busy work day does not mean I am being "cold" or "off" it just means I am busy.

Ooo an app that automatically sends "im thinking about you" texts every 30 minutes or so.

Even better... .  a combo of the two "I am thinking about you baby". God forbid I leave off the baby.

I am actually fond of expressions of affection, just was a bit much.

This made me laugh.  The use of texts seems actually kind of interesting in a r/s with a BPD, because a text can carry no "tone of voice" and no "look in the eyes".  It seems like that usually meant the perceived tone was an almost unfiltered reflection of the pwBPD's current state.  For example:

Random Day #1

Me:  Sounds good.  I'll be home soon.

Her:  I'll see you then, sweetie! :)

Random Day #2

Me:  Sounds good.  I'll be home soon.

Her:  Can't wait!

Random Day #3

Me:  Sounds good.  I'll be home soon.

Her:  what?

Me:  What?  I said "Sounds good.  I'll be home soon."

Her:  No, I mean why did you say it like that?  You just seem cold and distant... .  I don't know.

Me:  What?  No, I'm fine.

Her:  I don't want to talk to you about this over text, and I don't like the way you're talking to me.  I'm ending this conversation.  I'm just going to go for a walk or something.  We can talk when you get back.

ROFLMAO!    :)

|iiii

Perfect timing! I needed a little humor!

It's tough communicating when what they say is not what they mean.

And what you SAY-even stated clearly- is not what they hear.

everything seems garbled.

adds a whole new level to the stress enchilada.

GL

93 percent of communication is derived from body language. 93 percent. Those are pretty tough odds for anyone who wants to communicate well if you aren't face to face. BPD or not.

That helps explain why, when I'd request a serious conversation, my ex would often leave and only communicate by email/text. She couldn't deal with it. Not even on the phone. An app may have helped us (probably not). Wonder if this is also why so many people prefer watching TV/movies than reading a book, as they can see the characters moving?

This is really interesting because I prefer face to face,  and my husband prefers text. I hate texting,  but it seems that there is less conflict when we text because with text he has to take my words at face value. There's no room for interpretation. I love you means I love you. I have also noticed that his texts are lengthy and detailed,  and mine are short and sweet.