BPDFamily.com

Hi, 4 weeks ago I split with my gf around 18 months, who was diagnosed with BPD a couple of months prior. After all the suffering and violence at home and decided to call it off, it took police intervention for her to finally move out back to where she came from 40 miles away.

Ever since, she's been trying to contact me - not everyday but almost, with one reason or another - she misses me, she doesn't think she can go on, fall outs with her family, on or two occasions even threatened to come and visit me. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago she texted me saying that she may be pregnant because she believed he had nausiness, headaches, blood in her waters etc.

Anyway, she got me really worried on the Monday by saying she was going to the doctor's for a pregnancy test at the end of that week - she went to the Doctor on the Tuesday for a blood test for her blood in the water. Up until the Thursday she said (on advice of a friend - through Facebook or through person, not sure) that she had three tests - negative and a half, negative, negative and a half again. On Thursday night, she said she'd been for another and it was negative (i've not seen any proof of these four tests) but when I spoke to her on the phone at that point, she asked if I was relieved and said that she was - we said that we should move on and have NC. She texted on Friday to say that the doctor said she had a water infection/cystitis - maybe because she also has PCOS.

Last week she started contacting me again saying that a ring of hers was located at my home, which isn't the case as I had my bedroom decorated and every location she said she thought it would be had been previously searched. Once again, she played mind games just last Friday when she said she was on her way to mine with a friend, which got me really unnervy - but she didn't come, eventhough she was texting of her current location.

I decided this was the last straw and on Saturday morning, I changed my mobile number (my landline I have left because it has caller ID so I know not to answer if it is Withheld or shows her number - also I would need a police crime number to convince my provider to change it). Before I did, she sent one last message saying that she had been dating someone and wanted me to answer four yes/no questions -

1. Did I really love her?; Yes

2. Did I have someone else? No

3. Do I regret the relationship? No

4. Would there always be a place in my heart for her? No Comment.

Then I changed my mobile number.

Believing that I covered all boundaries, I got four missed calls on Sunday night this week (from a Withheld number); nothing on Monday night; two calls from a Withheld number last night before she called again showing her own number. Then she contacted me on Facebook on the Tuesday from a profile of hers that I couldn't block as it was already deactivated (I blocked her others) saying that she IS pregnant and wanted to discuss what to do.

This put my anxiety into overload - the last time we had sex was a couple of day before we split, which started unprotected and then I put a condom on. I don't if I'm thinking about this too much, but she said in the Facebook conversation that we both should decide on what to do. Anyway, she asked if I could unblock her current profile as she was 'getting abuse' on her old one - like a fool I did.

But I feel something doesn't add up - she said that she is currently dating (nothing serious); she now has a job (which is more than she did when she lived with me); but it has taken her until last night (Tuesday) to say that 'she IS' pregnant, but I'm unsure if she is telling the truth - there have been times in the relationship when she said some serious things she didn't mean and I feel it's kind of convenient that this ties in with the last time we had sex. And it appears it's taken me changing my mobile number to come out with this 'bombshell' - and yet she's in two minds whether to keep/abort - if this is the case, it would be no more than say 6wks gone.

I know I've seen other posts in the forum to something similar but I don't want to see her again because we've met briefly on one evening after the break up and she basically held me hostage in my car saying that she would venture off somewhere or shout 'rape' to get me arrested. And she did say on an off comment, she would make my life hell. I can't block her again on Facebook until after 48 hours (so Thursday night) - do I ignore her until then? Or come out with one final blow tomorrow night to say she can do what she wants and I want no involvement with it just like with her in my life?

This is the crux of the matter -- she has already shown herself capable of her threats.  You don't need a false domestic violence or rape charge.  (It happens -- ask some of the other men on this site.)

Yes, there have been false pregnancy reports in attempts to re-engage.  If you feel you need to respond, you might communicate via email (not in person), that when she sends you her doctor's written report/lab test results and an appointment time at that doctor, you will meet her there as she discusses options with the doctor.  That puts the onus on her to validate the truth of what she is saying.  It may be true, may not be.

Don't meet in private, without a third party.

Hi Retro1974,

*welcome*

It sounds like you've been doing the right things. Breaking off with someone with BPD can be very hard.

I completely agree with Gagri that meeting her in private is a very bad idea. Also agree on meeting at a doctor's office potentially. However, if it comes to that arrange a meeting with doctor beforehand to talk of your concerns. If you have to pay for it then so be it. You don't want her making false allegations of rape to a medical professional either. |iiii

Recording all contact with her is a good idea if you do try to do a face to face.

Here is a link for you to look at:

TOOLS: Exiting a BPD relationship [romantic partners]   (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61980.0)

Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder  (https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles10.htm)

BPD BEHAVIORS:Dissociation and Dysphoria (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68392.0)

Whether or not this pregnancy is real-- her threats are very concerning. Focus on the threats and not on the pregnancy in this case.

I think you will find more targeted help on our Leaving Board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=8.0) or Legal Board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0) actually.


mamachelle

Thanks guys.

That night was the last night I saw her, so you can see why I'm not all for seeing her again, let alone meeting her.

I am in two minds though over this 'pregnancy' - just because this topic was raised a couple of weeks ago, but I don't really have anything at my disposal to 'call her bluff' so to speak. I've not spoken to her for 24 hours but she is asking me over Facebook if she's 'having to go through this alone?' and if I've made a decision. She also said late last night that she doesn't want me romantically. And that she does still love and care for me , but she does not want to be in a relationship with me. She said that she's trying to make something of my life without me. She seems to stand by that this IS happening but again I'm in two minds over whether she's telling the truth... .

Retro1974,

Hmmm I think if you want to you can reply to her that you will meet her at the doctor's office with a scheduled time to discuss options. If she agrees then consult an attorney before meeting with her. 

If she is pregnant and 9 months from now there is a paternity test and you are Dad then just walking away will not be a Legal (or emotional) option anymore.

Again, I think talking to the doctor as a concerned potential father-- and an attorney before hand (if possible) is a good option.

I am not an expert but I know others have been in this situation and others have had terrible complications and arrests and career ruining issues from false claims of DV and other things. Please do repost a version of this on Legal for more responses from other people who have been in this situation and can advise you better.

mamachelle

You are saying she had three negative tests, and if she IS pregnant by you, she would be about 6 weeks along?

This doesn't add up. A woman has enough pregnancy hormones in her blood for a positive reading within a couple weeks of conception (equivalent to 4 weeks after her last period). One false negative, maybe, but three is doubtful. Also, blood in urine is not a common symptom of pregnancy.

I would call her bluff. Ask for a printed copy of the test results; ask her to give her doctor permission for you to review the results and pick the copy up directly from the doctor's office.

IF she is indeed pregnant, that doesn't mean you have to continue a dating r/s with her. I would definitely seek a paternity test when the baby is born.

Interesting thread!

I have known several BPD girls who constantly lie about being pregnant, and I find it eerie that it is ALWAYS when a break  up in ensuing, or after a break up when the other partner is totally done. It is a control thing. They think because they have an imaginary pregnancy, that you will come crawling back. Or this is commonly used when you find a new partner quickly. It is control , and mostly craziness.

If she continues with the pregnancy charade , I'll bet she will end up having a 'miscarriage'.

I would not be worried about this pregnancy issue, and if I were you , I would act totally  nonchalant. If she somehow contacts you again to tell you she is 'pregnant' respond very flatly with a simple response such as ' Please provide with  me a proof of pregnancy from a clinic, signed' . (A proof of pregnancy is actually a very common thing that is given at your first pee/blood/ultrasound, it is used very commonly for benefits, paper work, and insurance or assistance. Everyone is given one no matter what. )

With that said, I STILL am so doubtful  about this, I really urge you not to worry. Even by some freak occurance, and she really is pregnant, do not jump to save the day. wait until at least having a paternity test during pregnancy (about 6 months ) and another one after the birth to be sure.

Thanks again guys,

Just an update in the last 24 hours - and a 50/50 that might still swing either way.

I decided to bite the bullet and let her contact me last night. She asked if I had made my decision about how involved I was going to be in this pregnancy. I decided to play it cool and tell her that we're both moving on and 'both' apparently dating again. She said she was going ahead with it (to which I asked for proof that she IS pregnant). She said how could she when I live 50 miles away and won't come to the doctor's appointment (which she said is next Thursday at 3pm). I played it cool saying I would go but meet her there and said I would decide my involvement after the appointment. Then she went on about child support and scan visits and stuff and then said she's only told two of her 'closest friends' and not her family at the minute because she's scared, in a way ashamed and unsure - then she said she wasn't sure if she was going to abort.

Anyway, during this 2 HOUR conversation, it appears her 'wall' has brokendown is starting swaying more to an abortion than going ahead with the pregnancy. Taking advice from Gagrl, I said that I would meet her doctor's appointment at the practice and no meeting place beforehand. Then she started going on about how she's lost weight; looks more attractive and started going on about sex between us and how she misses it. I know already this would be a minefield when she started suggesting to meet up for casual sex now and again (as it appears as a kind of bargain for an abortion) and has asked if we could meet up before the appointment to discuss what's going to happen on the Thursday (i.e. a decision whether to keep it or not).

This may sound going against all common sense, but this appears to be an opportunity to call her bluff by meeting her in a public-place (ie. a fast food outlet where there'll be people) and encourage her to take one final pregnancy test as a way of 'piece of mind'. I already have a kind of excuse lined up in regards to this 'casual sex' to ensure that won't happen because then she could take advantage of false calls of rape or sexual assault.

I am still 50/50 where she is or she isn't and yet confused that she's swaying towards a termination on a 'condition' that we would keep in touch. I am a pessimistic person, so then I'll say 51/49 in favour of her being pregnant on the basis of it sounds too scripted to be made up... .

Actually leading to footnote - could a pregnancy test be faked positive? Say I do try and call her bluff - I've already thought about buying an expensive one that I can second guess she would never buy... .

And final footnote in response to Free One.

I am guessing that she may be 6 weeks gone. Sex between us got really infrequent (maybe because I just wasn't interested/low sex drive) so there were times when it was every fortnight or even longer - I say in the last six months of our relationship (since Christmas), we had sex a dozen times at most. I do know however, that she had a negative pregnancy test in March/April. So that narrows it down to what 12-14 weeks?

To answer your question, YES a pregnancy test can easily be faked positive. You mentioned she has PCOS- I've had a friend who had a false positive at a doctor's office come positive because of the condition.

Another way , is something my sister did... . She took a friends' urine (who was already expecting a baby) and hid it in the bathroom, poured it on the test , and it was positive. If you suspect she would do that, I would ask her for a blood test, and once again, proof of pregnancy.

If she is leaning towards an abortion, I would go ahead and guess that she will have the abortion done and you hear nothing of it, because the pregnancy and abortion were faked.

Doctors offices and clinics always give you a paper saying you are pregnant in the US. A pregnancy test in a mcdonald's bathroom is not going to be fun and will stress her out completely. It would stress me out and I am not BPD. I don't know what is going on but really this is not too elaborate to be a script. She may believe she is pregnant.

Have her skype a test with you on the phone :)  lol Have her send you a scan/photo of the paper or her actual test before you even commit to going to the appt. It may be a fake photo but make her work to get you there.

BTW, I have 3 bio and 3 step kids. My 3 step kids were all "accidents" from my NonH's BPD exW marriage. BPDexW was very good at getting pregnant when she thought my H was ready to leave her. All 3 kids now live with us 90% of the time. So, this is no joke my friend. If you want to end your involvement you need to be hard core on this in my opinion.

HCG is the hormone that pregnant women create that can be detected by urine and blood tests. My roommate was on that HCG diet and left a bottle of HCG behind. For April Fools I wanted to pour it on a pregnancy test and freak people out.      So, yes, there are many ways to fake a test.

My SO's uBPDx would fake being pregnant. The last time she did so was right before he moved out (eventhough she has an IUD). 

I think at this point the only way to call her bluff is to meet her at the doctor's office and go through with the appointment. Any other way she can fake it. Demand a blood test... . but again it is unlikely she would have so many negative tests. There is always the possibility she is pregnant and it isn't yours.

I speculate her wanting to meet you beforehand is to convince you to "abort", thus allowing her an escape from the doctor's appt. Based on what you've shared, I very much think this is all faked just to get attention from you.

^exactly! took the words right out of my mouth! ... . or she will predictably have a 'miscarriage' .

Hey guys; just a weekend update - eventhough the conclusion is I'm still none the wiser whether she is or isn't - however after developments at the weekend I'm starting to sway into the belief that she actually is - no proof though.

Anyway, I did end up defying all advice and saw her on Saturday night - armed with a pregnancy test, however whatever I thought was going to happen, the complete opposite. She didn't take the test as she believed that knowing how long she was gone before her appointment would make it harder for her to have an abortion. We talked and she was saying now that she was going ahead with the abortion. Sex happened (protected) under what seemed an apparent casual principle. So I went home after discussions; and then she messaged me on Facebook to say that she was unsure again and how bad she feels. I left it at that - telling her she was tired. She also said that she cared and loved me as a person and that the sex was trustful.

Today being Sunday, she then messaged me at lunchtime to say that she has been bleeding and asking me to reply. Maybe due to sex I don't know but she said about feeling alone and stuff. I tried to stress that I'd give her support through it however she went on about how easy it is for me and things like that. I agreed to see her again this afternoon - bad move! I'm not sure if it was cos of the morning, nor feeling lonely cos she still hasn't told her mother, more of the case that she missed me. (Oh, these two meetings the guy she was currently dating was used as the excuse to her family, when seeing me). However, we had a small talk about Friday again and I said again I'd support her through it. She believes now that somehow our feelings were shown to one another. Naturally, after 5 weeks since the split, the feelings aren't going to fully die down, she's convinced that we still love each other. Then she started to accuse me of all being nice just to convince her to have the abortion. This has now led me with some kind of ultimatum of 'back together = abortion', 'not so = her keeping it'. When I said no (because of our previous relationship) she completely flipped and stormed out the car in the middle of nowhere - and put me in a position where only I could take her home but she's lied to her family that she was seeing her date, so carried on a bit saying that she was gonna keep the baby - although she said earlier no matter what happens she was going to get rid anyway.

Finally, her getting the message that I may consider (eventhough I'm not) got her in the car and dropped off at home. So she's given me a timescale to give a yes or no as to kick-start the relationship again and now as I type this; she's just told me that she's bleeding again. I have now just considered ignoring her; however, that may mean I don't get to the doctors appointment this week as first planned.

Hey Retro1974,

Sounds like a rollercoaster.

What's the plan now?

mamachelle

You are being played like a fine violin. The reports of bleeding are setting you up for the eventual "miscarriage."

Get a doctor's report from a blood test.

Hey mamachelle, well I didn't respond to her last night; I just crashed out on the bed. But after through the night, I'm now swayed back to unsure.

She sent me at least half-dozen messages (plus 4 missed calls to my landline) through the night to say that there is now a problem with the appointment. And now she's had stomach cramps and been bleeding again. I'm not sure if I should really respond to her or just to disappear. I think I also agree with Gagrl that I'm am being played with but it's my ex trying to claim all yesterday evening that I'm mindfvcking her.

So I'm a little bit unsure of my next move in whether just to ignore her or not; yet I still pondering whether it's too detailed to be faked.

The media, books and movies give any woman enough info to fake a pregnancy and a miscarriage. Afterall, you must know enough to validate what she's telling you and it sounds like it could be true... .

Sadly, I think everyone is right and she is playing you. There are so many ways to get you to re-engage and she's hitting you in an emotional place.

My advice is to create some distance. Bunker down into no contact. If you must send one more message, tell her that if she is in more pain than she can handle, she should go to a dr or hospital immediately, there is nothing more you can do to help. My guess is when you go deeper into no contact, she'll escalate her claims that something is wrong. Trust that if it was true there are millions more qualified people other than you that can help her.

This pattern of escalating crisis is unfortunately very typical when the BPD feels they are losing you. There are many articles on this website that can help you.

Stay strong, it does get easier, but only with continued no contact.

I think she is playing me now. I actually got a message to work e-mail this afternoon saying that she needed me to go and see her as her appointment had been changed until 5pm today - convenient as there's no way I can make it at that time from work to her doctors! I've not answered back, yet as I type this she is on her 9TH call to my landline and probably sent her 8th Facebook message in the space of 30mins.

She also said in her e-mail that she had taken a Clear Blue digital pregnancy test (not the same one that I brought to her - that's still in my car) however she says that the test says that she is 5 weeks pregnant and so many days. I want to test this out in the forum (not sure if you have this in the US) but I thought these kind of pregnancy tests say just range of weeks (1-2; 2-3 etc) and not the exact number... . ? Which makes me now err on the case that she isn't pregnant... .

Oh and as a footnote, she says 'not let our feelings come into play and that I promised to support her through this... . '

Here's the link to the Clear Blue pregnancy test.

www.clearblueeasy.com/clearblue-easy-digital-pregnancy-test.php

A pregnancy test result is going to be positive or negative.  It isn't going to tell how advanced the pregnancy is.

The only way to accurately calculate an early pregnancy is to count days from the last missed menstrual period.

As soon as a sonogram is done, the doctor can assess the size of the fetus and thus how advanced the pregnancy is.

Once again, if she isn't providing you the results of a blood test -- in a written report, from the doctor -- don't engage.

Thanks I'll take that on board. Just so hard though cos I keep seeing the phone ring and messages popping up on my phone - temptation's there.

From what I've gathered in recent messages, she's been to her appointment - not sure if that's true or not but I don't really want to contact her back for proof of this. And I don't want to head up there incase of an reenactment of yesterday. Anyway she says that she's been given a phone number to book for what I assume is an abortion and wants to know when is the best time to suit me (?)

Still unsure... .

I have a strong suspicion she is not pregnant.

I know we try not to tell people what to do, but I think you have an opportunity to learn to set boundaries for yourself and to practice holding them.

The situation is (from what this thread seems to indicate), you and her are split up.  You want to keep it that way, want NC, and want to move on.  She knows that and is grasping at anything she can to reel you back in.  She's playing all these pregnancy games to try to keep you engaged with her.  You don't know for certain she is pregnant.

I guess if I were you, I would set a new boundary:

-Have her send you a date and time for a doctor's appointment to confirm the pregnancy.  No home pregnancy test can confirm anything close to the detail she sent you.  The tests look for hormones in her urine that indicate pregnancy. 

-Ask for the doctor's name, address, phone number, etc.  Tell her to book the appointment for BOTH OF YOU.  Then when she sends the info., call the doc. and confirm the appointment.

-Don't engage in any other contact.  Show up to the appointment, do the office test, let the doctor confirm it.

-Then tell her you will require a paternity test when possible.

-Go home and don't engage in her craziness.

If she continues all the antics, things like telling you that she'll abort if you get back together with her, will have the baby if you don't?  Get that stuff in writing.  She's trying to manipulate you.  Don't let her.

If it turns out she's pregnant, meet your obligations TO THE CHILD.  You are not obligated to her.  If she's not pregnant, then block everyway she has to contact you after telling her to cease contact.  If she continues to try, take the documentation of her antics and file for a TPO/RO/no contact order/etc. - whatever they call it in you jurisdiction.

You're allowing her to jerk you back and forth and toy with you.  You don't have to.  You have the ability to cut this nonsense off.  And of course she's going to get angry, go through extinction burst, etc.  Let her.  Don't be afraid of it.  Going through it all, and coming out okay on the other side of it all when it's all over will give you more confidence and know that you don't have make everyone happy in the future.

Retro,

you are being played. Wether she is pregnant or not, you still are under her power and control. If I were you, I would make ONE clear statement:

such as 'Please do not contact me any further unless you are sending me the blood results of your test'

If you successfully exercise strict boundaries between you and her, she will likely realize the manipulation is not working anymore! From there she'll probably say she miscarried or had the abortion.

Also, if she is actually pregnant,it's likely to not be your baby, so you have no reason to 'support' her at ultrasounds , doctors visits, or the abortion procedure.

Thanks very much everyone for your help and advice on this... .

I think it's taken me a week to realise that there is nothing really to worry about. I think my mistake is that cos my head had been swimming round with allsorts of emotions from the 'shock news', I think I let my guard down a bit and agree to see her again. From last night, I think I realised that she just wanted an excuse to see me again (I think the dating thing is true), but I realised that it taken around 3 hours to get her home from the moment of feeling uncomfortable about I think what was actually happening. And also him being the excuse why she was seeing me Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday night I was dooped into believing just to settle the peace, we could have a 'FWB' type friendship no matter how much I tried to play it down. We had sex yes, but I have the convo noted down in screen dumps on Facebook incase there ends up being any liabilities she wants to try and bring up. Then tries to say I've been talking her into abortion.

It just seems far fetched also that her digital pregnancy test from Clear Blue told her she was Pregnant 5 Weeks (to which I've found out that the range only displays 1-2 Weeks; 2-3; 3+ only) and it mysteriously ties in with the final weekend we were together. And her sister apparently keeps Clearblue pregnancy tests lying around (in more than one pack). Also she never thought of Clearblue until I mentioned it could give you a rough idea of 'how far gone' you are instead of waiting for a more accurate outlook from the Doctor. I mean, two weeks between appointments because 'she wasn't sure what she was doing'.


I didn't plan to head up there yesterday, but I just thought I'd keep the peace because she felt alone and didn't want anyone else to know. She didn't want to tell her family she 'is pregnant' because she didn't want to be ashamed - however I know that her and her mother get on so much that they hold no secrets (this included personal matters when we were together) - so it seems weird that she'd keep this a secret. Maybe cos her sister had a baby a couple of months ago, I don't know.

Maybe being too nice of a person has it's downfalls that people can take advantage of - and she's had 16months of a relationship to know where to pull on the heartstrings... .

... . and also from this, I think I've learned how BPD minds can work after a break-up. I know it's only speculation that she's made this pregnancy thing up and ... . if I dare say it not to be nasty but through experience... . they can be REALLY powerful people in some ways and I guess people can be torn apart by them... .

She isn't telling her family she is pregnant because she knows it is not true. But look what all this has lead to- she has gotten back on your graces.

And to clarify- I used the clear blue test with my daughter, and it only displays 1-2 weeks, 2-3 weeks, and beyond that it would say 2 weeks + or 3 weeks + . Because I was past 3 weeks, I got that response, not an estimate of how many weeks I was. Clear blue tests are also very expensive! About 40$ ! At this point her story is soo all over the place I have no doubt in my mind she is lying.

FWB is not a good idea, but sounds like what you want! Only gives her more opportunities to actually get pregnant or fake another pregnancy.

I quite agree but it's not really what I wanted - she made the suggestion and I have the Facebook conversation to prove that - just a mindfvck because she knew she still had 'feelings' for me and probably tried to get it out of me. Then put in a false sense of security that she still 'loved and cared for me as a person... . '

If you don't want a FWB arrangement, simply don't have one!

One way to burst her bubble - call her mom and tell her the "Good News"!

I know, bad idea, I wouldn't actually do it, but man it could be fun to be a fly on the wall next time she talked to her mom!

Hahaha! It certainly would teach her a lesson!  lol

Truth will out finally today folks. I got a Facebook message saying she had an urgent appointment at the doctors. About 30mins later, she said that there was no baby and she has suffered from a chemical pregnancy.

Now maybe that is the case - maybe she did have one but she went from apparently really upset but seemed okay to go to a soccer game tonight. So I doubt there ever was one. She asked will I be still involved in her life after this as she is apparently grieving. Not replied but I know my answer would the most obvious and direct. She thinks by telling everyone that I've not supported her through the 'aftermath' is gonna make me uncomfortable - I could somehow understand that if she told more then apparently two people.

Time to move on I reckon!

Yep. Cut ties, go no contact and count yourself lucky on this one.

If she had a chemical pregnancy, she wouldn't have had a test allegedly tell her she is 5 weeks pregnant (LOL) She would also in no way be able to go to a soccer game, as she will be in pain, bleeding, passing clots, and products of conception. So obviously , there was nothing to prove a real chemical pregnancy or any pregnancy, the heat was cracking down on her, and now she has miscarried . Exactly how I predicted . (pretty much)

Also, to prove a chemical pregnancy, she would have had to have a vaginal ultrasound or a regular sonogram (which would prove no heartbeat, etc)

If she were 6 weeks pregnant, she would likely need a D&C to scrape out the remaining products of conception that generally will not pass naturally.

This story is so riddled with inconsistencies. Women think they can snow men because they don't know about pregnancy , etc.

If she did not have the D&C , then she is actively miscarrying right now. Which can take a minimum of weeks for it to be completely over. There is no way she would be able to go to a soccer game in that condition, since it is just like labor , with dilation and everything.

Sorry this happened! I would definitely separate yourself indefinitely !

Hey folks,

So I have cut ties and not contacted her since Tuesday when she told me the news above. I've had the odd missed call over the weekend from a 'Withheld' number, which I assume was her though she has tried to get hold of me through a couple of my friends (and has told them in brief her story). She has just contacted me on Facebook today saying now that her 'chemical pregnancy' was a case of the 'disappearing twin'(?) and now she is back to regenerate the questions that I had almost a fortnight ago.

?

Sounds like she is trying to re-engage you again.

What she is claiming is impossible.

Stay firm on no-contact and she will run out of reasons to contact you.

You need to set and maintain your boundaries, she will not do it for you. Eventually she'll accept your terms if she knows you mean them.

It's like parenting a child who wants money for candy - if you give in just once, they will think you will give in every time and try what worked last time... .

Dear lord... .


I had a disappearing twin too, and her entire story is FLAWED , not possible at all. She really thinks you are a fool! Time to go NO contact if you ask me!

This is by far one of the craziest faked pregnancy stories I have ever heard!

So three weeks on and thought I'd update.

I maintained no contact with her at all and stuck to it. The only unsettling moments were a couple of missed phone calls to my landline from a number that I didn't recognise but looked familiar. One at 11am Saturday before last and then again at 11pm both Saturday and Sunday night. My landline is on silent so I didn't hear her.

Anyway, with it all seeming as if it calmed down, she's managed to find my POF profile and sent me a message. Still appears that she's still sticking to the story that she's pregnant with this 'disappearing/vanishing twin' thing; she's apparently still hasn't terminated and is still indecisive but she's now seeing someone. She says she sent me a scan a week ago in the post (not got it) and now she's saying she's 8wk pregnant. Hmm, we've split up for 9 and sex (discarding that evening of confusion) 10.

I'm not worried, just a bit unsettled as I've found out that this number is hers - and she says she was gonna make a surprise visit. And I've 2 missed calls this evening... .

You've already set your boundary, send me doctor's proof or join you for a doctor visit.

However, if she does eventually have a baby and the math works, then get a DNA test to confirm or rule out your parenthood.

You really have to put your foot down here, she is maintaining the entire pregnancy gig to keep you around. It doesn't matter that she has a new 'prey' that she is seeing, she still wants you on the back burner (fear of abandonment coming in to play here)

I would send her ONE, last , very clear message about what you intend to do.

An example : " I'm going to tell you one last time to stop contacting me. I am going to ask you do not contact me about your termination or pregnancy as well. If you choose to continue your pregnancy, I will order paternity after the baby is born. Until then, for any reason, do not contact me."

Seems pretty simple, right?

Just have to REALLY put your foot down. She is playing a huge game, and seems to even be obsessed with you.

Yes! Set a FIRM boundary like this... . then be ready for her to blow up for a couple of days (an extinction burst)... . then things should be quite if you just ignore.

Yep, like Free One said, that is likely how it will play out. Extinction burst, and her likely trying to slither her way back in after a few days. Expect it.

I was in a similar situation as you except the girl was pregnant.

Basically she said she can never have kids, next thing she's pregnant and making me tell my family and she is telling everyone she knows.

I barely knew this girl, it's up to me to tell my family and I never got a choice.

Then I got a girlfriend and she contacted her on facebook and told her.

You should count your lucky stars if this girl isn't pregnant, because if she is, your life is about to be turned upside down.

In my case the shelia is nothing but a bully and basically everyone else thinks shes lovely and I am a dirtbag for not seeing my son.

But in reality she alienates my son and uses him as a manipulation tool, I'm going to court soon.

She is happy about this, shes been telling everyone I should be locked up and they will be safe, lol.

I've never even done anything wrong, these people are just a law unto their selves and they have everyone bluffed.

I pray for you champ.

Have not read the entire thread, but, from my experience - just stay away.  This has recycle written all over it, pregnant, not pregnant, bleeding, FOG, etc.  Pregnancy and the eventual children are one very concrete way of keeping you at least at arm's length... . to abuse, to humiliate, to slander as dirt by comparison and as the vehicle for her to create her own distorted identity, and as a way of bleeding you of finances for the next 18yrs.  I'm not saying this is or would happen in your case - but it is happening in my case.  One child born out of entrapment, he now has severe behavioral issues, and a second conceived in a way more disgusting than entrapment.

Do not make contact, "sex happened," let it be the last instance.  I can also repeat and recant the hot and heavy physical - at the start, that would eventually evaporate to nothing, and no interest on my part.  It's a pattern with BPs.

Just stay away.