BPDFamily.com

Hi everybody

I posted this morning on Intros, but am ok to post here. My dBPDh is back home now after another night in an emergency bed. I phoned the Crisis Team to ask for an update and my dBPDh asked to talk to me. Lots of blame ensued from him which I moved around and tried to validate how upset he is feeling. This seemed to work, I asked him what was happening he said he wanted to come home could I pick him up, I did. What's different is I didn't stay home i took our son out to a local play area for the afternoon and am here now relaxing:) what I want help with is what to do when he is projecting absolutely everything that he is doing on to me. I understand what projection is, but at the moment he is firmly fixed in projection, boardering on gas lighting at times. I know that what he is feeling inside must be unbearable for him, but how do I manage this so that I can be ok. I am using taking time out more and more which helps stop the onslaught of emotional blaming and vitriol.

I am on the Undecided board because I am struggling myself emotionally because the dusregulation has been relentless, and I am unsure whether I can survive much longer. So I figure I need to step back and look at me. I feel exhausted, it is a truly debilitating disorder that is poorly handled here in the UK, so I feel very isolated, I have no friends and my FOO have never been v supportive. I hav asked for there support, like our son spending nights away at grandmas but any help is rare.

I would be grateful of any help at all. I know my mood is depressed, I have just started having panic attacks, haven't had these for about 15 years, so hav the dilemma of whether to take an antidepressant ? I don't want a short term emotional fix, private therapy is not an option, but NHS therapy for me might be but the wait is long.

Hi Sweetheart,

Sorry you are having such and tough time. Sounds like you really need some support. Have you asked your GP for a therapy referral? Depending where you are in the UK they shouldn't make you wait for more than 4 weeks. Some areas also have italk or phone therapy if you are on a longer waiting list. Sadly, it does depend where you live. The charity Mind have a help line where you talk to someone, my sister volunteered for them for a while and they can be really supportive and give sound advice.

Thank you Sugarlily

I have tried italk and it is time limited to 6 sessions and it is over the phone and purely focused on reducing stress. I want to talk to a therapist who is aware of the problems associated with BPD, this will help me the most. I have a Care Support worker through the CMHT here and she is great for off-loading and general support. People skilled and informed about the complexities of a relationship where one person has BPD are few and far between.

I will however contact Mind. The other problem I face are that a lot of what takes place is in the evening and I wouldn't feel happy having my dBPDh take care of our son on a regular basis. Certainly not in the short term he is too unstable. Thank you for your reply.

Hi sweetheart,


best is often to just listen attentively and ask at times exploring/clarifying questions. There is also nothing wrong with time-outs when you are not able to handle it. Don't get too deeply involved in his therapy - it is for him. Boundaries are for your protection and ensure mutual respect. He is going through a confusing phase while he is trying to make sense with new insights and terms but lacks a real handle on them - that is normal.

While I get that your are UNDECIDED I would encourage you to keep an eye or post also on the staying board. Right now you are de-facto staying and that board is more geared towards the "how to handle xyz problem" questions.