BPDFamily.com

Sorry this is written in a hurry.

Had an sms from BPDw today full of heartfelt sadness about the state of our marriage asking if I really hate her ?

Been married 17 yrs, full of ups and downs. Things haven't be very good last few months with BPDw physically assaulting d15 on two occassions (BTW, d15 did wind her up a lot), I have put d15 in counselling, I have been receiving a heap of abusive emails and SMS's from BPDw and last time we spoke about our rlationship she threatened to go off an have an affair because I'm a "useless" husband. On top of this BPDw has refused an offer of 12 months DBT and stopped seeing her therapist.

This stuff makes me feel so angry and powerless, I don't really understand it myself, can't put my finger on why it's all just so wrong. We have just gone through 2-3 enormously difficult months and now she is asking if I really hate her - no mention of the fact that its' not excactly been the best few months of our relationship & actually no I don't hate her though I do find her incredibly difficult and frustrating.

I'm really not sure how to deal with this. I really don't want to be pulled back into the BPD vortex, I'm open to ways of improving our marriage but I feel as if I'm being pressured into some declaration of undying love and that everything is just ok. Well it isn't, it feels like we are brushing everything under the carpet again.

I'm not sure whether this relationship will last for the long run but we do have 2 children in high school so I'm open to improvement.

I'm happy living day to day, I'm working on myself to live a better and happier life, that means letting go of BPDw.

Why do we have to keep having all this super intense dialogue over our relationship as if the sky is about to fall in at any moment ?

Any suggestions or questions welcome

Cheers

If you can express to her that she is special to you, that she is the love of your life and the person you chose to be the mother of your children and your partner in life, that might help put things back on track. Try to motivate her to do DBT because you love her and you are waiting for her to resume an intimate relationship together.

It sounds like she feels down because she feels you are only in it for the kids, waiting for them to turn 18 so that you can leave her and not worry about paying child support. This is a big issue for women; many are aware that their husbands are just putting up with them because they don't wish to abandon their kids and have to send checks to the ex for their maintenance. If you want the relationship to work you have to convince her that this is not the case and that you are staying because of her.

She may have done things to make this difficult for you; only you can determine whether you can continue to "walk the line" out of love for her.

mmm, you are absolutely right I think that is exactly how she feels yes I do not want to adandon my kids though I wouldn't have any issue paying child support as they are my children and I do love them, I guess at the end of the day I wish all the walking the line I have alreday done for so many years had been noticed or appreciated but apparently it's not on her radar & if I ever raise it she is scathing.

I admire what you are doing - good luck  |iiii