... . last time we spoke about our rlationship she threatened to go off an have an affair because I'm a "useless" husband. On top of this BPDw has refused an offer of 12 months DBT and stopped seeing her therapist.
I'm not sure whether this relationship will last for the long run but we do have 2 children in high school so I'm open to improvement.
I'm happy living day to day, I'm working on myself to live a better and happier life, that means letting go of BPDw.
Why do we have to keep having all this super intense dialogue over our relationship as if the sky is about to fall in at any moment?
If you can express to her that she is special to you, that she is the love of your life and the person you chose to be the mother of your children and your partner in life, that might help put things back on track. Try to motivate her to do DBT because you love her and you are waiting for her to resume an intimate relationship together.
It sounds like she feels down because she feels you are only in it for the kids, waiting for them to turn 18 so that you can leave her and not worry about paying child support. This is a big issue for women; many are aware that their husbands are just putting up with them because they don't wish to abandon their kids and have to send checks to the ex for their maintenance. If you want the relationship to work you have to convince her that this is not the case and that you are staying because of her.
She may have done things to make this difficult for you; only you can determine whether you can continue to "walk the line" out of love for her.
