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Title: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: kc sunshine on August 14, 2014, 01:34:45 PM The phrase that I had in my head during our horrible break-up fights-- it just popped in there-- were "love is patient, love is kind." That helped me think "this isn't love." It's still helping me now, as I'm struggling to let go. Did you all have any?
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: KrisK7 on August 14, 2014, 01:39:43 PM Yeah, I've got a few.
"I am enough." "Everything is temporary." "You'll be real disappointed if you think everyone has the same heart you do." I's tough, but you're not alone. We'll all get through this together. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Suspicious1 on August 14, 2014, 01:42:25 PM Embarrassed to admit I had "This too Shall Pass" tattooed on my wrist four-weeks post break-up. Ahem.
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: kc sunshine on August 14, 2014, 01:42:38 PM those are great-- thanks |iiii
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: thereishope on August 14, 2014, 01:44:02 PM How about in the other direction? I have phrases in my head that play over and over that are probably actually helping me gain the strength TO BREAK UP... .since I'm still in the lion's den atm... .
Such phrases are: "What do you even do all day?" "I'm done talking" (usually RIGHT after he has accused me of something and then won't let me answer) "That's bulls... .t" "You need to grow up... ." (major projection, since this is what he needs to do) and the list goes on and on... . Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Mr Hollande on August 14, 2014, 01:45:06 PM My mantra is: I mourn what I hoped it would be but I don't miss what it was.
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: KrisK7 on August 14, 2014, 01:53:01 PM My mantra is: I mourn what I hoped it would be but I don't miss what it was. That grounded me so much. Beautiful. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: thereishope on August 14, 2014, 01:54:34 PM My mantra is: I mourn what I hoped it would be but I don't miss what it was. That grounded me so much. Beautiful. I like this very much too. So true... . Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: camuse on August 14, 2014, 01:58:23 PM "You need to grow up... ." (major projection, since this is what he needs to do) Haha! Yeah :) I had "This is what happens in grown up relationships." Erm, nope. This is what happens in relationships with 4 year olds in adult bodies. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Panda39 on August 14, 2014, 02:00:25 PM Look Fear in the face and just say "NO" - Pink Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: asher2 on August 14, 2014, 02:05:31 PM "She's somebody else's problem now."
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: thereishope on August 14, 2014, 02:36:05 PM "You need to grow up... ." (major projection, since this is what he needs to do) Haha! Yeah :) I had "This is what happens in grown up relationships." Erm, nope. This is what happens in relationships with 4 year olds in adult bodies. lol ... .Thank you for the honest to goodness "laugh-out-loud", on that one, camuse! I need it, and... .AMEN to that! :) Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: thereishope on August 14, 2014, 02:38:18 PM Look Fear in the face and just say "NO" - Pink My phone ringtone is "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER... .!." from the song by Kelly Clarkson... .lol Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Mr Hollande on August 14, 2014, 02:43:09 PM Initially uttered by the great thinker and physical weakling Friedrich Nietzsche. A man who never experienced love and with that probably not BPD either.
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Heartandsole on August 14, 2014, 03:14:06 PM This "Autobiography" from the Buddhist Book of living and Dying has helped me tremendously and I refer back to it and am honest which chapter I am in and where I am trying to go. It helps me not to recycle to read this.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters Chapter I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... .I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in... .it's a habit... .but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter IV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter V I walk down another street. - Portia Nelson So I have a vision of walking down a beautiful new street. I visualize the old street that I know so well as some kind of poc-marked moonscape full of holes where landmines went off when I stepped on the "triggers". My mantra is "I will walk down another street" I also keep telling myself that "Going our separate ways is for our mutual benefit" (helps with guilt) "I release her with love to find her happiness" "I am better off without her and better off having known her" "Love does not conquer all" (it's written into my wedding band slightly differently) "I lover her but I can't allow myself to live with her" Thanks everyone for sharing, I have the "morning what it would be/not missing what it was on a post it note at my desk now" :) On the negative side, I remember the feelings I would get while getting berated and devalued while "trapped" driving in the car with her and not being able to stop it. I would pass the time visualizing pulling the wheel into each tree or telephone pole or bridge piling as a potential way to make her shut up. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: pieceofme on August 14, 2014, 03:38:04 PM "You need to grow up... ." (major projection, since this is what he needs to do) Haha! Yeah :) I had "This is what happens in grown up relationships." Erm, nope. This is what happens in relationships with 4 year olds in adult bodies. when he would make me cry during his rages, i was told "you're acting like a child" or "stop being a baby." as if it's totally acceptable for a grown man to throw a temper tantrum. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: seeking balance on August 14, 2014, 03:40:19 PM "This too shall pass" was my mantra also.
In the early days, I carried a print out of 10 False Beliefs that keep us stuck around, those really kept me grounded. https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: kc sunshine on August 14, 2014, 03:46:29 PM There's a song on the radio these days that that goes: "I've got one less problem without you"-- I've been trying to hum those lines to myself (and with BPD-- it's more like "thirty less problems without you"
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Mr Hollande on August 14, 2014, 03:54:29 PM Ariana Grande featuring Iggy Azalea - Problem
Alludes to Jay Z's 99 Problems But A B***h Aint One. I've wished many times I'd been in the position to say what Jay Z says but I'm not. None of us here are. :) Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: hergestridge on August 14, 2014, 04:07:47 PM For the first few weeks I had to remind myself of how bad it had been. That it wasn't just me imagining. I had this quote from walking on eggshells like a mantra:
(it describes what you through as a "non" "You have been viewed as overly good and then overly bad; You have been the focus of unprovoked anger or hurtful actions, alternating with periods when the family member acts perfectly normal and very loving; Things that you have said or done have been twisted and used against you; You are accused of things you never did or said? You often find yourself defending and justifying your intentions; You find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you are not heard; You feel manipulated, controlled, and sometimes lied to." It describes my 20 year rs to a T and when you sum it up like that - it's not something that you can go back to, is it? Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: woofhound on August 14, 2014, 06:04:48 PM some lyrics that have helped me through this
"Move away you F*ing tornado, I'm better off without you tearing my world down" From "A Stranger" by A Perfect Circle "You got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend when I was down you just stood there grinnin' "You got a lot of nerve to say you've got a helping hand to lend You just wanna be on the side that's winnin'" from "Positively 4th Street" by Bob Dylan "I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused. Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used. Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise. If I don't stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this maze? Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend. And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner And everything's done under the sun, And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer." from ":)ogs" by Pink Floyd Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: toomanytears on August 14, 2014, 06:26:15 PM My mantra is: I mourn what I hoped it would be but I don't miss what it was. That grounded me so much. Beautiful. me too :) Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Mutt on August 14, 2014, 06:28:06 PM Life was normal for a week after my ex left. Then I felt like I was flat on my back. The first 2 months were really hard. I was reading a lot of quotes on the internet and found out about BPD 3 months post break-up. I came across a quote about being single and loneliness by the late Robin Williams. It really nailed it for me.
Excerpt I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. - Robin Williams I felt more alone in the r/s. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: amigo on August 14, 2014, 06:54:25 PM I like that song about "one less problem without you" very much as well.
When you pay attention to the rap portion she actually says (I paraphrase here) " why do I like the thought of you more than your presence? " That really hit home for me. I crave (my fantasy version of) him, but being in his presence was rarely pleasant, especially in the end. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: topknot on August 14, 2014, 11:14:16 PM "So you have won, and you have conquered, and you have killed a friend in me... .how does it feel? You just won your saddest victory"... .Saddest Victory, words & music by Sandy Stewart.
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Tausk on August 14, 2014, 11:30:19 PM The Disorder always wins.
My roots of my pain have nothing to do with the my ex and her Disorder. Lean into the pain. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: toomanytears on August 15, 2014, 12:15:01 AM For the first few weeks I had to remind myself of how bad it had been. That it wasn't just me imagining. I had this quote from walking on eggshells like a mantra: (it describes what you through as a "non" "You have been viewed as overly good and then overly bad; You have been the focus of unprovoked anger or hurtful actions, alternating with periods when the family member acts perfectly normal and very loving; Things that you have said or done have been twisted and used against you; You are accused of things you never did or said? You often find yourself defending and justifying your intentions; You find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you are not heard; You feel manipulated, controlled, and sometimes lied to." It describes my 20 year rs to a T and when you sum it up like that - it's not something that you can go back to, is it? Spot on. Thank for posting - great reminder from WOES (hey is the acronym for that amazing book deliberate?) Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: thereishope on August 15, 2014, 07:33:43 AM Excerpt I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. - Robin Williams I felt more alone in the r/s. Ditto... . Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: pari on August 17, 2014, 09:21:49 AM To be honest, my mantra was - "F*** You (his name)!" Everytime I would think of him, these words would come to my mind. :)
And yeah, song by Pink - 'So What' really helped me during that time. I would sing that all day and it did make me feel good. :) Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Pingo on August 17, 2014, 10:58:25 AM The Disorder always wins. My roots of my pain have nothing to do with the my ex and her Disorder. Lean into the pain. This is what I believe as well and am working on so hard to heal so that I never enter into another dysfunctional r/s again! Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Vatz on August 18, 2014, 12:04:48 AM "She knows I'm stronger, quicker and smarter than her. But I still gotta sleep sometime and she's an insomniac who also knows where my cutlery is."
I think if you have that thought even ONCE, that person isn't right for you. It's not funny. If you ever once seriously calculate the odds of being murdered in your sleep... .I think it speaks for itself. "Phil Hartman" I would think to myself during arguments. How he died. Basically, it was the reason I slowly started to disconnect, part of me praying she'd just break up with me and leave me alone. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: kc sunshine on August 18, 2014, 12:50:15 AM These are all wonderful-- thank you so much!
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Loveofhislife on August 18, 2014, 04:46:40 AM Just call me Nietzsche Girl--"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger;" and "If God can bring us to it, He will bring us through it."
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: woofhound on August 18, 2014, 06:17:35 AM Just call me Nietzsche Girl--"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger;" and "If God can bring us to it, He will bring us through it." "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Love some Fred Neitzshe Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Lion Fire on August 18, 2014, 02:22:31 PM after taking a sustained beating of my life from my ex, I stood up for myself, walked away and since then I've never let her near me.
I have a mantra which is defiant and serves a purpose for now. When I feel her shadow clouding me and the traumatic memories of her abusive words and actions stab my chest, I say out loud (not too loud :)) " ... .I will never let you hurt me again in any way, you will never beat me". I know it's not the most philosophical or spiritual phrase but it sure gets my heart beating and my resolve stronger Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: NeedHelpPls on August 18, 2014, 02:34:56 PM You can't be responsible for someone else's happiness.
Whenever I start to reminisce about the good times, I make it a point to think about how unhappy I was. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Soulslider on August 18, 2014, 03:32:24 PM Hello Everyone,
For me it was an answer I got when I questioned my exdBPD about a photo She was at the movies at 2am in the morning, and one of her old male "friends" took a picture of her, looking all starry eyed and glowing. I asked her, how can she look at him the same way she looks at me? After a short pause she said " Because I was thinking about you" HAHHAHAHA Still makes me laugh every time I think of it! Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Hopeless777 on August 18, 2014, 07:53:14 PM I am mentally and emotionally strong... .stronger than she'll ever be. In the end, no matter what the result, I will always be stronger!
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: nolisan on August 18, 2014, 11:43:09 PM GTFO
"Get the F___ Out"! Surgical detachment. Cold turkey withdraw. They won't believe you had the yarbles to reclaim your life. Mine has never contacted me again in almost 2 years. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Blimblam on August 19, 2014, 01:43:03 AM "Show me where it hurts"
Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: biglearningcurve on August 19, 2014, 02:00:47 AM Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can, and, the wisdom to know the difference. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: Blimblam on August 19, 2014, 03:44:39 AM Namaste= recognize the you that is I
Therefore you save her by saving yourself. Title: Re: Did you have any phrases in your head that helped you through your break-up? Post by: rockinne on August 19, 2014, 08:18:50 AM I think of these Van Morrison classic tunes. Got them on my mp3 and play them to bring a cheery mood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DR0g6oOLwM "Brand New Day" When all the dark clouds roll away And the sun begins to shine I see my freedom from across the way And it comes right in on time Well it shines so bright and it gives so much light And it comes from the sky above Makes me feel so free makes me feel like me And lights my life with love [Chorus:] And it seems like and it feels like And it seems like yes it feels like A brand new day, yeah A brand new day oh I was lost and double crossed With my hands behind my back I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt Shoved out on the railroad track I've been used, abused and so confused And I had nowhere to run But I stood and looked And my eyes got hooked On that beautiful morning sun [Chorus] And the sun shines down all on the ground Yeah and the grass is oh so green And my heart is still and I've got the will And I don't really feel so mean Here it comes, here it comes 0 here it comes right now And it comes right in on time Well it eases me and it pleases me And it satisfies my mind [Chorus] https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=van+morrison+starting+a+new+life "Starting A New Life" When I hear that robin sing Well I know it's coming on spring Ooo-we and we're starting a new life I've been shovelling the snow away Working hard for my pay All I gotta say is we're starting a new life We're gonna move Way on down the line Girl, we been standing in one place for too long a time When I hear that robin song Well, I know it won't be long Frank, I know we belong And we're starting a new life We gonna move, move way on down the line Girl, we been standing in one place for too long a time When I hear that robin song Well, I know it won't be long Frank, I know we belong And we're starting a new life (Note: I realize some of the words may not necessarily fit my/your situation, but the message of starting a new life does. I don't know who Frank is) |