BPDFamily.com

hello family, it has been long. By God's grace i am in a better place now. I have not been here for a month. two months before, i have been here occasionally. I still can remember how much did i feel when i was in your place. still i can call it the most traumatic experience with the biggest agony i have lived yet. I have read some threads like the one i am writing right now and i was very skeptical about getting back to "normal" if ever. but it does occur. The best advice i can give you is that it takes time. time is a factor in the healing process just important as any other factor. it can not be fast forwarded by overdoing any other factor like getting more education about the disorder and depersonalizing it. all factors are important including the time factor. get comfortable with "bad feelings". now i believe that they are not bad. this community and culture programmed us that these feelings are bad, should not be expressed or felt, a taboo. but they are not. there is a lot of growing and maturing because of this pain. sounds cheesy but really my scope on every aspect of life now is very different. i am beginning to love, accept and improve myself. ironically, i do thank my ex for giving me this wake up call to my life unintended. For me NC was a very useful tool. It was initiated by her and kept and maintained by me. It has been 6 months now. I do not know (and do not care) if she is ever going to contact me in the future but i am really indifferent even if contact did happen. i did have a slight attempts of breaking the contact and was given the silent treatment. It was not to try to get her back but to face her with her doings (still was not a good idea) but sometimes you will break contact. be ok with it. sometimes breaking the contact helps. It made me sure of who i am dealing with and not the person i am fantasizing about. i am not recommending this but incase it happens be ok with it sometimes it is useful. a lot of people here (like i did) try to argue about very detailed things concerning the ex. do they lack empathy or not ? do they discard or scapegoat ? etc etc. Not all of our exs are the same. some have BPD and others have cocktail of cluster B traits so forget about it. what you have on the plate is what you get. it was pure abuse so do not waste your energy and feel pain for such details. concerning us, yes most of us have some issues. whether it is insufficient love during childhood or hard times and vulnerability at the time meeting the ex but most of us are good people overall. we do not have a pattern of screwing up people's lives (at least i hope so :P). take your time to heal and detach before fully getting to deal with your own issues. most of us still have the old pattern of being hard on ourselves. this is not good when you are already detaching from a BPD partner (one of the worst pains in life in my own opinion). try to love and accept yourself during the healing process. looking at yourself and dealing with your issues take months if not years. it is not that urgent when you are already socked in your own pain. deal with the break up then deal with yourself. Will you be loved that much again ? i do not know but trust me on this. the only love you really need is from the person in the mirror. I do believe that the unconditional love (we felt during the idealization phase) can only be obtained from God. I also believe that most people on this planet did not get enough love from their parents during childhood. Its ok. we can heal. we can get better. Before this experience i did not like to sit alone. i was running from myself. Now i enjoy it. Now i love myself and i am not waiting for this "unconditional love" supplied by a BPD. I truly accept myself. the good and the bad. working on the bad to be better. when you accept yourself and accept any trait in you, nobody can use it against you. I hope you find growth from this experience |iiii

Thanks Anthony James.

I am very happy for you.

Can't wait to get where you are.   |iiii

Thank you for posting this. I'm feeling very vulnerable today and this gave me hope. It sounds like you have taken many positives from your experience and are in a better place.    :)

Glad to see this AJ... .Way to go Brother!

MWC... .*)

Good stuff brother Im really happy to see this. As a matter of fact I needed to see this. Im happy for you.

This is the most amazing thing I have read on this board--I remember your earlier posts AJ. It's the first time I was split black and horrified. You gave me hope then; you give me more hope now. HUGE KUDOS to you for enduring the pain and doing the work. You make me believe in HOPE AND CHANGE in a way no politician ever could and ever will. And I totally agree that when we embrace that God is the only one Who will ever love us the way pwBPD did, THANK YOU

Hey Antony. I'm really glad you've made so much progress. Gives us all some hope. I was wondering what helped you the most, with facing and loving yourself? I find that although sometimes I can face myself and be comfortable with myself. I keep defaulting back to running from myself. I've done it my whole life so it's really hard. Anyways, any tips would be appreciated, thanks!

Wise words Antony I am glad to see you are healing on your journey. 

Time is an illusion in eternity.

Thanks for coming back here and sharing your story of recovery and healing.

It's inspiring to hear from people on the other side.