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I ask because I hear that pwBPD's target anyone that can soothe their pain? My ex did not seem to care about looks in others, until me, she didn't care about any attractive celebrities and fully admitted that in the past she just didn't care what people looked like and didn't have a type at all. She said, and her friends said, that I was the first person that could match up to her lookswise, and she completely admitted to me that she would never normally go for someone who was conventionally good looking. But she was obsessed with what I looked like, it was literally the ONLY thing she seemed to care about, and the only thing she talked about, she endlessly compliment me on it, but never on anything about me, nothing about my character, my desires, my achievements, she didn't care. I understand that pwBPD are very superficial but I've also read and have experienced evidence for, that looks are not a defining factor in their partner, only a bonus. She said I was the first boyfriend shes actually fancied, and she has said that to her friends aswell as I've heard on the grapevine, so this ontop of everything else really did hook me. But I'm thinking maybe I was the first guy she was attracted to that actually put up with her behaviour, the first one that enabled her, if she found someone better looking who enabled her she would jump ship. I'm just trying to work it out because well into the devaluing stage, when I would be criticised on everything about my very being, the only thing she never devalued me on was looks. According to her we were meant to be because we looked so alike and looked so good together, again standard superficial BPD behaviour, but as I said I've heard looks are not important so I'm just trying to make sense of it. All the evidence suggests she wanted to be with me for only that reason and there is literally no evidence to suggest there was any other draw.

I believe there was another thread recently here about this topic and if I remember right most people said they think looks dont matter. In my case I don't think they did because some of her previous boyfriends and ex husband were either average or flat out disgusting looking.  However, she would constantly tell me how handsome I was... .it actually became annoying after awhile because she said it so often. I think she said it so often because she wanted me to reply with how beautiful she was... .she needed constant reassurance.  For as much as she liked the way I looked she was always fearful because she said I could have any girl I wanted and thought I would leave her... .her self esteem and self image was beyond low. It didn't matter how much i told her she was beautiful or how much i loved her it never would sink in. In the end she actually left me... .it was quite a blow. From what I hear she has a replacement but I have no clue what he looks like... .I don't want to know.

I think looks matter to them but secure attachment remains supreme.

I think their ideal is something like this. An secure attachment they don't think is the best looking with a good heart and cheat on him with guys better looking. Or have a good looking guy attachement and a few friend zoned guys as back ups.

But either way, no matter how handsome they think you are, or how perfect they think you look together, whoever you are, and whatever attributes you may have, you are still just an object to them, and they will never actually love and care for you as a person?

Mine never really complemented my looks. Actually, after a while I got the impression that she wasn't that attracted to me. Whenever I told her that she was pretty or beautiful she didn't like it. She had horrible self esteem. Most of her ex's that I've seen weren't all that attractive. But I'm a guy, so I can't really rate what other guys look like from a female point of view.

No.

Mine told me "you are good looking,  but I'm not attracted to you,  I'm kind of messed up when it comes to attraction"

Well what I figured out was that she is "attracted" to narcissists,  sociopaths,  you know,  abusers.

So in my opinion at least looks don't matter or at least not in the same way.  She told me I was good looking and that she loved me and wanted to be with me forever and didn't want anyone else.

In the end I was replaced by a short,  fat,  hobbit looking guy with a brain that's been fried off meth use and malfunctioning equipment downstairs.  I'm not full of myself but I am better than bilbo baggins in every aspect but it didn't do anything to save my RS

At the end of the day bilbo is stupid,  a drunk,  doesn't think too much and is just "happy to have her" so he's a perfect enabler,  just seems to put up with everything.  I dunno if that's the attraction.

Well me and her are in the early stages of a recycle and bilbo is just sitting there taking it all,  the guy who a few weeks ago was the most abusive boyfriend ever and was so mean to her is now going out for dinner and a movie with her while bilbo just probably wonders what's going on and drinks himself into a stupor.

No sense to any of it. But to answer the question looks don't matter in the way they do to a normal person.

Durring the idealization phase they fuse you into their identity and you love them and yourself through them. That love from you fuses into their identity as well. They love the feeling of the attachment and you through you.

I am in now way shape or form God's gift to women. I am however very attractive and extremely fit to top if all off. I don't have genius intellect but I'm no dumb jock either.

I guage this from response I get from other women throughout my life. Under normal circumstances meaning when I don't feel like I am dead inside it is not very difficult for me to get dates rolling. I also was not into my ex at first as far as looks are concerned. I see all these people say they had ones that were so hot but mine wasn't hot. She was in no way shape or form ugly but just wasn't the cup of tea I usually would go for especially in the body department.  

She was beautiful to me but when I love someone they are always beautiful to me. I am by far the best looking boyfriend that my ex has ever had. In fact I was always getting these looks from her friends that I could not place as to what the heck they were about until after. I remember especially her sister looking at me as if she was scanning me at thanksgiving dinner. Once it was over with I could link back all of the looks like they all flashed in my mind all at once one after the other. Especially the thanksgiving dinner with her sister and family. Her sister was indeed scanning me. She was scanning for flaws as if to say how the freak did she get this guy there must be something wrong with him. Same looks from her friends as well. Let me tell you from my experience it makes it worse if you are really attractive compared to them or what they are used to. I work out really hard and have a nice body and she tried to rip me down about that and stated are you even eating I like big guys like the rock and now you are all shredded but smaller. In my mind I was like what the heck you cant be serious I've seen your past love interests and none of them are even remotely fit or attractive. Also I kept being accused of cheating. I tried joining salsa to dance with her and I was ripped down about that and called a cheater for trying to do something romanitc for her. Constant accusation after accusation. It does not matter how you look to them what I think matters is how close you are to them.

If you get close you are going to get burned and it doesnt matter if you look like smeagel from Lord of the rings or brad pitt from troy. Whatever it is that you value is where they will attack. I never talked about my looks for example. So she never attacked that plus I think she just couldn't. I prided myself on internal attributes like loyalty kindness and empathy ect ect. Those are the things she would rip down. I valued staying fit and that was attacked also. If you are an unnattractive person or insecure they will probably attack that weakness. These are the things I noticed from my experience. The attacks come regardless and they come exactly where they know it hurts.

Either way from my experience is you get close you will be a punching bag unless you go ghost on them to avoid any damage.

So basically, it doesn't matter who you are, everyone gets the royal treatment, and they are incapable of truly caring for someone, they only care what that person offers them.

Felt much the same as you all. Im retired Navy and now a white collar professional, but with tattoos, lots of them. I make great money,  but never felt good enough for her. Her ex, who finally left her after 15 years, made huge money and they ran in big circles, most of whom she hangs with and they all have big houses and big money. She was a stay at home mom. Anyway, we never socialized with her ritzy friends except for 1 xmas party and one gala. Never did couples things with her friends, at all. Just one more thing I felt I wasnt important in her life.

Pretty much.

They adapt to the wants and needs of the attachment.

If you havnt already I highly recommend reading through all of member 2010 posts.

It's almost as if they want the kind of love a dog can give you, a perfect parent, and lovers on their honeymoon.

The first words out of my expwBPD were you are extremely attractive!   The last words were you are bald and ugly.  I have learned not to believe a word that comes out of her mouth!

PwBPD are human too. They are all different. Some go for looks, some money/status and others look to attach to anyone. They have preferences, but probably have to settle sometimes because of their illness. They are also probably more susceptible to dating much younger or older partners and even varying genders and ethnicities based on the origins of their BPD traits and the severity of their disorder. Some are probably aware that they are different and will "date down" so that they can have more control of the person.

You gonna recycle with her?

I dunno what I'm going to do mate,  I miss her and I want to try again but at the same time... .

I'm trying to stay as detached as possible,  have some fun and see what happens.  I realize there isn't much hope but you know how it is.

I want to expand on this because it is real more like sort of than "pretty much"

We often refer to them being in "fantasy land". The way they experience reality is much much different than the way we do and trying to understand it within the construct of reality just doesn't really work. If you have travelled to a different culture with a different language especially one with a different root of the origin of the language you may have come to the realization that the very nature if how they percieve reality is very different yet very similiar it is sort of like that.

So its impossible to connect with someone who resides on Planet Zorb.

You felt like you connected right?

I felt like she could not live without me and 'loved' me a ridiculous amount, until I recognised the abuse.

I did not feel deeply connected no, I only felt connected on a superficial level, the reasons for me being she was very attractive, great in bed, an amazing cook, worshipped me and did so much for me.

I didn't feel like she really knew me, I didn't feel like I really knew her, because she was constantly changing, incapable of having deep and meaningful conversations, incapable of understanding anything complex, she could only talk about shallow, simple things.

I had to explain to her that sex for me is all about forming a deeper connection with that person, and she admitted that it wasn't for her, she just did it to please me, she would just keep saying I'll do anything to make you happy.

I don't understand how anyone can feel a proper connection to these people, there is nothing to connect to, they are empty.

She connected to you.

You connected to yourself through her connection to you.

She exists on the other side of the mirror and you may have glimpsed at that being. You may have connected to that being to varying degrees but that being has major i mean major trust issues.

If you ever felt yourself in te relationship is la la land and felt at home and at peace their then you connected.  Conversely the more intense you will experience the devaluing.

So I connected to my mirrored self?

So I didn't really connect to her, they mirror people because they have no sense of self right? How can you connect to someone that has no self?

There was never peace in the relationship for more than a week.

She nearly blew up on the very day I met her!

The kind of mirroring a borderline is capable of is beyond mirroring. It is introjective identification of a very profound level. She litteraly became an extension of you.

There is the posibility of a deeper connection than that. You know what you felt.

The connection I felt was more like she was my daughter, someone I had to look after.

But the way I saw her change freaked me out, leave her alone with someone else and she's then mirroring them.

Sometimes I didn't know who she was at all, because I didn't recognise the person I was used to, which in retrospect was just me.

As the relationship goes on and you witness more and more scary behaviour, it really does a good job of disconnecting you.

I now find her terrifying.

She is terrified.

I know she is, I would be too if I was noone. What can they do?

She is on the other side of the mirror. Through the looking glass

Yeah man when that mirror finally breaks and you feel everything else that's there you tumble down the rabbit hole. It hurts.

Do people on here think they leave some kind of psychic connection?

I always know when I'm going to hear from her and she often brings up things that were on my mind like she "knows" what I'm thinking.  It's weird.  I also get a horrible sick feeling sometimes and then she calls me like 5 minutes later in distress. 

Inferno yes

Although I must admit I think my ex broke a barier in my mind and I am now schizotypAl while I was not before.

Inferno dig deep into projective identification and introjective identification. I seen it explained from a neuroscience perspective too.

Also in YouTube their is some Carl Jung - anima projection stuff there that is really interesting.

Think of psychic connection in terms of knowing someone very deeply and relating them to your internal archetype and your unconcious mind picking up on patterns.

this is it, in a nutshell. in fact i read on one BPD board someone describing their r/s cycles like this. they will get with guys of lower value than them because they are easy to control. they can cheat on these guys with flings and the guys will probably stay around even if they are caught. and when the pwBPD has had enough they can go full NC pretty easily or get them back easily.  alternatively they may meet guys of similar or higher value than them and with these guys it feels exhilarating to a degree, but because these guys aren't as easy to control it triggers their fear of abandonment even more, so they usually keep a few lower value exes/orbiters to fall back on. in either case it's a lose-lose for a partner with good intentions.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

I'm a month out. She has not nor have I made any contact. I'm thankful for that. I don't think mine ever will, but you kind of walk around with that feeling of impending doom all the time that she will. She's still in honeymoon phase with the new guy so who knows.

The reasons my ex gives for being gone are based on things she basically just made up. She wants to punish the people who really abused her, but took it out on me. When I'd say of course I didn't do the things you've said I've done, she'd say of course you'd say that, being guilty. "Guilty of what?" "Of being better with me than most have ever been." I was just being myself with her. She didn't even always get the best of me because she resisted it so much. Was gone so much. It's about being gone to them, more than being here. That's what we get left with, to make sense of. That's where they are.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

Interesting.  This pretty much summed up my relationship.  I was older, her boss, financially much better off than anyone she has dated, more attractive than anyone else she had dated, and she looked up to me.  I was a huge step up for her and she was triggered by this almost from Day One.  I didn't understand it at the time, but I think it was too much for her to handle.  She tried to attack my age until I began to agree with her that it was a factor.  She immediately shifted away from that and went after my character, something that I take pride in.  She chiseled away at that until she had me hooked.  She also wore me down about my appearance ("you used to be handsome too me" and financially ("your money means nothing to me".  The things we put up with while in the FOG.

This question is one I've always wondered about my pwBPD ex. She told me that I was the only person she ever dated that she was truly physically attracted to. She said that attraction for her had always been less about looks and more about emotional connection, or something to that extent.

I've seen pictures of two of her exes, and one wasn't very attractive (but apparently his family was wealthy), but the guy she dated before me was a good looking guy. Probably out of her league in the looks department to be honest, and I may have been as well by just a little bit. Now that I think about it she mentioned that the guy she dated before me was basically a saint (had to be to stay with her for 1.5 years!). She told me he never did anything wrong growing up and that when she asked his mother what kind of trouble he used to get into as a kid she told her "... .well, he lied once." And to be honest I'm pretty similar in that regard. Just a nice guy who was getting into my first relationship, and I think this fact also made her feel that she could mold me into the perfect guy for her. Now that I think about it, she actually mentioned something along those lines... .

But like many have said in this thread, I think it's more about how deep she feels she can get her hooks in and have control over the relationship. Whenever I tried to set boundaries she'd freak out, and I think that was one of the main reasons she pulled away in the end. She needed someone who would just do whatever she wanted, be with her for basically every moment of her life when she wasn't working, etc.

I think she's just looking for a sucker who will give in to her every want/need, and that is probably going to be a guy who isn't very attractive/confident who thinks he's playing out of his league with her. My replacement seems to be exactly that, but he has a job that requires him to be overseas for 3 month chunks, twice per year, so we all know how that's going to play out.

In the case of my ex dBPDgf, looks definitely counted. She would go on and drool like a teenage girl about sexy and handsome celebrities in particular. Male or female.

In terms of her ex's, I know the guy she was with before me and he is a cool looking guy with a bit of style. Nice bloke actually. I never saw any pics of her previous ex's though... .and I know she had many before me . The guy she was lining up while we were together was 15 years older than her (mid 50's), average looking I guess, is a martial arts instructor and was going through a divorce at the time. Cannon fodder really. Poor guy is probably run ragged by now on two fronts.

She would also go on about how "beautiful" I was to the point of exaggeration which made me doubt her words. The fact that I am fairly attractive, fit and look after myself intimidated her. If a woman, or even a gay guy even dared to look at me she would flip about me sending off "sexual energy". I could swear that she was trying to make me obese by overfeeding me. She would stand over me and make sure I finished monster portions of food  :) She said I was too thin and this made her look fat (yes, serious history of eating disorders as well)

She was big into sex to the point of being a predator and has a history of sex addiction for which she attended 12 step recovery meetings for years.

She was definitely into looks.

However, I do believe that looks came second to needs and if she had to drop a notch or two by her standards for her endless and insane needs to be met she certainly would.

Come to think of it, I didnt bring much to the table as a BF. She is pretty and athletic at 46, me Im 50 and after 26 years in the military, pretty beat up and Tattoo's. I think what I did bring was being a nice, caring guy, probably to a fault. I think I got played big time as we got together when she was separated and I had already been divorced 2 years. Wow. What an ass I feel like.

Same here as you both.

The devaluing took place in not what I looked like, or what I had achieved, but that I didn't do enough for her or make her feel wanted enough.

at least they're equal opportunity employers!  :) *)

They are just like anyone else when it comes to being attracted or not. Stop thinking your ugly.

My devaluation was triggered by me "proving I couldn't be there for her" because I got frustrated that she flaked at the last minute 50% of the time and NEVER apologized.

So basically it's a case of unless you let her do whatever she wants,  your out.

Bilbo baggins my replacement is hard in devaluation at the moment but I don't think he'll ever stand up for himself,  he's a complete doormat

i think a lot of this can be somewhat predetermined by them. our partners probably started devaluing us a long time before then use passive aggressiveness until we call them out--then they have an excuse to say that our complaining (not their behavior) is the problem.

Infern0 did b baggins start in with your ex while you guys were still together? i just sense a lot of anger towards him. i was fortunate in that i never had anger towards the replacement as i *think* they met (shortly) after breaking up. but i do think i would care less about him if he went in knowing that she was cheating, so i don't judge those in this situation. still, it kind of concerns me that you seem to have a lower opinion of him even than your ex, who is using him at the moment. whenever i had negative feelings towards the replacement i always remembered i'd have to view my ex even lower as she was the one pulling the strings in this situation... .but then again i couldn't accuse him of cheating per se (just easily manipulated). this would have been more difficult for me to deal with.

I do have a low opinion of my replacement and have done since before I actually met my waif.

He's a scumbag,  degenerate type. But also a coward.  I've never liked the guy.

Granted he's being taken for a ride but I still find it hard to have anger towards my ex. I am still confused about everything to be honest,  I haven't finished processing.

Regardless.  Bilbo Baggins is just that kind of guy who represents everything i hate,  drug abuser,  criminal,  poser,  coward.  He's just the kind of guy I've had many a run in with

I don't "think" she cheated on me with him,  I'll never know for sure but he was certainly happy waiting in the wings and when we had a falling out this guy who had been posing as her "friend " just filled her head with rubbish about me.

We were happy together and a real "friend" ) would not have sabotage someone's relationship just to get what he wants.

Add in that we were at least attempting to work through her issues and I was doing my best to be good to her but keep her on the straight and narrow.  Basically being a mentor as well as boyfriend and helping her to not be impulsive and basically be a moral compass.

Baggins has no morality,  she's back on the drink and acting out again. It's just a shame. She actually became a good person for a while with me,  made progress with healthy living and improving her bullimia which is now back in full swing

.  Like I say he was a sleeper agent,  lying in wait.  I have no respect for someone like that

ah, i see. b biggins broke the bro code:

www.thebrocode.co.uk/thecode.cgi

ya, he deserves whatever's coming his way.

(although i know he was in no way your 'bro', i just thought it was funny   )

the hardest thing for me to come to terms with with my ex was her selection in men. she just kept devaluing herself over and over. never at any time did i know her did i think she would keep company like she did after we broke up. the first guy was horrid, but it was such a shock and i tried to look past this as simply her 'rebound' which are always mistakes any way. after that she dated someone who actually sounded really cool (and according to her roomate, mysteriously looked like me in many ways?). i think her next real r/s the guy was an ok guy, i never met him just descriptions from friends he seemed like an ok guy, but still easily manipulated. but later on i just kept hearing stories (which i didn't want to hear) about her antics with guys and it just destroyed any semblance of the respect i had for her. she was choosing some really sorry men to be with, over and over and then had terrible breakups with all of them. i don't even want to say what a friend (and both of her exes) called her after a year or so. it was so embarrassing for me that i ever took her seriously. she just. she just doesn't value herself or her sexuality and that's just really embarrassing to me.

Infern0 i think something to take into consideration, as you are reuniting with your ex, is that all of this is on her. she chooses to be with scum. she wants it and likes it, regardless of her disordered reasons. it makes me uncomfortable saying it as somehow i still feel like my ex's actions somehow reflect on me (or my judgement), even though i know in reality it doesn't. it's taken me a while to align her disgusting behavior with who she actually simply is. having to let go of who she was temporarily with me. after i saw the totality of who she was i had to combine all of her behaviors and unfortunately it's just gross. just gross. before i knew as much i still wanted to work things out but now i don't even want people to know i was even connected to her

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid. 

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha. 

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Mine told me as a compliment that she wanted to grab every man's balls before she met me. That was really reassuring.  lol

Hahaha nice one!

Mines dating a balding skeletor looking guy. Old college buddy of hers. He's not even cool bald like Bruce Willis. More like Captain Stuebing bald from Love Boat... .I can take a little satifaction in that... .I guess

I saw a pic of my replacement and he looked very good looking and muscular, but it was a good picture - I happened to see a video of him on someone else's FB the other day and he is actually not good looking at all, and sounds like a simpleton.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

Even if he doesnt stand up for himself hes still going to get discarded or treated poorly. I think mine lasted for longer lengths becuz I kept putting my foot down over and over again. I think it keeps them chasing when u do that but it also keeps them ramming a battering ram up against ur boundaries and continuously trying to find ways to crack u. This was my experience it took two years of battering ram up against the door and then one suicide attempt towards the end on her behalf to completely crack me down to the core. Normal people dont sit there thinking of different methods to crack u open. Ive never experienced something like this and never had to keep laying my foot down so damn much almost like as if I was raising an adult child.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

I think those stories are pretty much like Samson and delilah. They show a man being all powerful and being taken down by betrayal of a woman who hasnt won battles on the battlefield but were cunning in the art of deciept. They show no matter how strong a man is a woman with ill intentions can bed him aka a universal weakness of lots of men if not all and then slay him without the use of a sword. Its not just borderlines that betray also not just women either aka Judas. These stories basically state be careful who you let close to you. Muscular,Highly Intelligent, Strong fighter, or whatever attribute you can think of  if you let someone in close they can backstab you.

Very good point Ag.

I don't and they are not about PDs. It's truth and lies, love and hate, good and evil. You are trying to romanticise your situation and identify with archetypes. I don't know how this helps you detach blimblam but that's what you need to do my man.

I feel your support. Thank you. I think you may be projecting though on what I need to do based on how your mind processes things.

Have you taken the Myers Briggs?

I am an infp type.  This is how my minds makes sense of things through archetypes. It gives me insight into these stories because these stories were written by infps.

The person who made the Myers Briggs was an infp.

Being an infp is not practical but it allows me insight into things it hurts though.

Blim I'm an enfp I wonder what the difference is between the two. Off topic but you got me curious. Bro relate to it however you have to as long as you get to the finish line doesnt matter how the hell you get there. Hes right about detaching though we need this garbage out of our minds as quick as possible so I see his point but if you see comparing troy or whatever helps you relate to it better and detach then it's whatever. I'm gonna look up infp right now let me see the difference Im curious now.

Infp has more schizotypAl traits and enfp more overtly narcisistic traits.

This just means the enfp projects more or reflects outwardly more while the infp absorbs more and reflects inwardly.

You guys reading way to far into this.

ENTJ

Listen BlimBlam I've been through what you are going through right now during a break up when I was 18. It was hard. I read Jung, cosmology, archeology, history, religion etc etc I was caught up in it all. The tragedy of love tarnished, the whys and why nots the ifs and buts. Again i was lucky this girl was bad to the core and she showed herself up fast and my friends and family helped me get away, it had only lasted a month but we shared our child abuse memories and went from there. She lied to my best friend on a nite out to turn him against me and I caught them kissing later on that night leading to a fight which she watched with glee. She tried to recycle or whatever but I escaped. I had lots of good relationships, a mostly good marriage up till mad ex BPD. I went through much worse this time.

I'm just saying your here on the leaving board but your only here because she left you. You say you in recent posts you've lost your humanity, that you'd also go back under conditions. Is that detaching? I've used this board and my own experiences to get this much detachment. I've not really posted because if I read what my posts would have been three or four months ago it prob would not help me. I've long since deleted everything, pictures Phøne numbers burned cards love letters clothiers wallets belts deleted texts so I can feel good. Honestly I am happy without the b___.

You guys on here are so caring but please take your own advice and care for yourself. These people make you feel uneasy and fearful for a reason. Like a rattlesnake.

Tueche :)

I feel you.

This last relationship has been the most impactfull experience of my life besides being born.

I have already detached from her.  Her ghost still haunts me. Although it's not really her ghost it is my own relation to my anima image that i associate with her. That I projected into her.  I am figuring out why. To understand my self.  

It is not even her I miss it is the relationship to my own unconcious self that was brought out in the relationship.

The conditions I would take her back in are a reflection of my own conditions I must come to terms with to reclaim my self.

From all of this I had a pretty huge revelation of insight of an underlying story that is present as pretty much the basis of religion.  After the insight I went and looked and saw it there repeating over and over.  I don't even need to look to those things seeking answers but more to relate an unsaid knowing to others and to assuage my own occasional doubts.

The same elements present in these epic tails and whatnot were present in their actual real time form in the relationship. The same archetypes I felt them as i connect to them an understand them I can understand why and who I am.

We don't need to understand this to move forward with our lives.  

It just depends on ones goals and what it is they seek.  How they understand and perceive reality.  

As an infp I naturally seek to understand the underlying nature of reality from within the context of the unconcious mind within.  A world of symbols and archetypes. I don't need to read any Jung to do this I merely reference him for the sake of others.  Jung kept hidden how he made his discoveries his entire life because it was through gnosis. He knew it would be perceived as crazy and not accepted.  Gnosis is the self knowledge of the self within. On this board we see over and over the words "within" over and over. Finding the true self within, validation from within. References to a gnostic concept.

These insights came to me by just feeling the pain in my chest and gut. No thinking involved. Just boom ipiphany a flood of symbols and a knowing.  

Infps we see things others don't it comes with a price.

We occur in 1-5% of the population which is about the same percentage as the psychopath.

We have a gift that is discouraged by those around us, often minimized or trivialized.

I have a Friend an intp with a genius level iq. He told me he went through all I'm going through looked up all that stuff too.  But he didn't make the connections I did so he doesn't see.

Anyone who knows what it is I have gone through will know exactly what I'm taking about. There is no need to read about the concepts second Hand or be explained. You just see it.  I can just literally go back into these stories and see something I know trying to be revealed through metaphor and allegory in a way that is genius.

What I am doing is working on breaking it down so I can reveal it to others. I make references to these stories because the knowledge was geniusly portrayed in them.

The gift I am talking about is written about in allegory in tolkiens story the smith of Wooten major. Here's a Wikipedia link to a summery of the story.

www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smith_of_Wootton_Major

It does the infp harm to have our gift trivialized and their is a specific reason why we are over represented on this board.